MaggieRay

Needing Support

MaggieRay — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 00:27:00 GMT

Hello again!

Well, I wish I was writing with "good" stuff, but I'm afraid I am going through a really difficult time right now and I am in need of a lot of support. I have just tried another sleep aid which was worse than the first one (Amitriptyline), and I actually felt like I was dying on it. Nortriptyline is a cousin of the Amitriptyline drug group, and it is the only thing, so far, that drs in Canada are willing to prescribe for people with Fibromyalgia, as they are non-addictive. The Amitriptyline was causing me to feel sedated well into the day, no matter how early I took it the night before, but another Disaboom member told me she had better results with Nortriptyline, so I got a prescription last week from the dr and tried it. Well, to say that any certain drug doesn't react the same in any two people is a horrible truth in this case! It was so sedative, that even if I took it at 9pm, I still wasn't getting out of bed until almost 3pm, but the night was just a blur of high pain levels and dream sequences that were very disturbing! I would wake up around 3pm finally, after a night of horror, up and down with restlessness, but too drugged to stay up for any length of time. Needless to say, I did not sleep well on it and I am not taking it anymore.

When I woke up today, I felt like someone had sucked the life right out of me, and all I could do was look out at the lovely sunshine and wish that I could have been a part of this beautiful day somehow. I have also been very depressed the last few weeks and isolated as a result, but today I actually felt like I was dying....no life in me and not a shred of energy to even care about it.

I am happy to report that slowly, throughout the course of the evening, I am getting some energy back and actually made some supper for myself again. So, I guess there is hope that I will still be here for awhile. At 3pm this afternoon, I was really wondering about that.

I do want to take this opportunity to thank all of the members here who have been supporting and encouraging me through this tough time. The caring people on this site are so wonderful and always there to offer whatever information, support, or encouragement you need, and they have been my lifeline through this dark time. My dr is setting up an appointment with another psychiatrist for me, in the hopes of addressing the depression and maybe even offer me something for sleep that won't be so traumatic for me, but that all takes time, and I am pretty much on my own to struggle through until I can get there. I do believe I am Bipolar and have not been properly diagnosed yet, so trying to keep my life stabilized with such extreme mood swings has been a living hell for me. The dr has suggested trying a "mood stabilizer", which I was in agreement with, but haven't started on it yet as the pharmacy is working to get it covered under the provincial drug plan here. Our drug plan for people on Disability Pension has been covering less and less medication over the last few years, and it is becoming ridiculous what they don't cover. Hopefully, we will have that in place for next week, and I can go through another med adjustment, but I am very hopeful that this will be a good one. I have a friend of my ex-husband's who has been on Lamotrigine for awhile now and he is feeling much better since starting on that. Evidently, it has also been used to help prevent migraine attacks, so maybe I'll be able to kill two birds with one stone on that one! LOL

I do apologize for barely keeping up with the posts lately, but with such a lack of energy, even being on the computer was too much for me. I am hoping to reunite with everyone starting tomorrow, which I know will help to encourage me in my struggle again. I do get renewed faith and renewed hope when I connect to people on Disaboom who understand and who don't judge me for being so screwed up!

I have said it many times and I am saying it again....Thank God for Disaboom! I have made a few good friends and a lot of acquaintances on this site, and being as isolated as I am, it has been a lifesaver for me.

I encourage anyone who is new to Disaboom to keep posting how you are doing and describing your struggles for us routinely. There is always someone here that will listen and respond with what you need, and that in itself is so important for our mental and spiritual health.

God bless you all and thank you for being there.

Gentle hugs,

Maggie

Found Purpose Again

MaggieRay — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 22:54:00 GMT

Hey Everyone!

I would just like to share with you that a few months ago, I was seriously angry, frustrated and depressed. I had been suffering in the pain of FMS for almost 5 years, with no relief, and having lost my ability to work, I felt that I had also lost my purpose in life.

I have a habit of praying to the angels and requesting what I need for my life at that time. I sent up a prayer to help me find a purpose in life again, and to look forward to getting up in the morning again. I find it so amazing how this works, and learning that I've had to be patient with this process...I left it in their capable hands.

This month has found me with my spirits uplifted from friends (new and old) who have been helping me with rides to get things done and inviting me over for social contact. One of my girlfriends and I celebrated Christmas in February, as we had not been able to get together to exchange Christmas gifts, and that was sooo fun! I stayed overnight and was able to support her through a panic attack that she had while I was there. God sure works in amazing ways!

I also have another girlfriend who doesn't live in my city anymore, but her son does. She has had a falling out with her son, so I offered to be the "go between" for them to help start to repair their relationship. As I used to be a Front Line Crisis Worker, this was right up my alley. It only requires me to pass on messages from one to the other through me on e-mail, but it has been so rewarding already. Finally, I had a sense of purpose again!

Then, just to fill up my "purpose agenda" even more, I have been answering enormous amounts of posts on Disaboom! LOL It seems I am not only here for my own support, but to pass that onto others, and with anywhere from 20 - 30 posts in my e-mail every day, I have been pretty busy! I now look forward to getting up and checking my messages every day, and offering guidance, support, and encouragement has been filling my heart with warm fuzzies that I am useful and I am needed again. I want to thank everyone who has been sending me messages and who have answered mine. It is such a gift in my life to have contact with so many people again. I live alone and was terribly isolated this winter, which was adding to my depression so much. I even have a few on e-mail now that I can send e-cards and forwarded funnies to. My whole little world has opened up again thanks to this wonderful site and the amazing people here. Bless you all!

Back Online!

MaggieRay — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 03:16:00 GMT

Hey Everyone!

I am so glad to be back after a period of non-communication due to computer problems. Nothing could be worse when you spend a lot of time at home and you can't use your computer! Man, I was some depressed over that one! LOL

But I'm back and back on Disaboom, and so happy to be! Please cross your fingers and toes and anything else you like so this darn old computer keeps working for me for awhile anyhow. I just can't afford a new one right now.

I have missed answering the posts, but glad to see that a few are still going despite the fact that I haven't been there.

Looking forward to chatting with everyone again. Please be patient while I play "catch-up" LOL

Gentle Hugs,

Maggie

Sincere Thanks

MaggieRay — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 00:58:00 GMT

I seem to be having trouble accessing members to send a private message, so I would just like to thank everyone who has offered their support and enouragement and valuable information since I started posting recently. Thanks, karaswims, for the encouragement and congratulations about quitting smoking - I still can't believe I'm doing it! LOL Thanks Debbie, Tealwolf, LadyHeartSong, Barb1949, Levon, rivjm, for all your posts and your patience with my need to "vent". If I have not mentioned someone, I don't think that I have been able to get to some posts since the "renovations" to the site have happened. I sure hope I didn't miss anyone, but if I did, please don't be offended. It is taking awhile for me to figure out how to navigate all of this. Be Patient! God isn't finished with me yet! LOL Gentle Hugs to all, especially all Fibro Buddies.

Be Patient, Im an "Oldie" to this New Technology

MaggieRay — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 23:17:00 GMT

Well, I am having fun creating blogs and signatures and profiles and the like....and then going back and changing them cause I realize I didnt put the right info in the right places.....but be patient.....I am an "oldie" but I can be taught....LOL Dont know much about how to put nice little pictures into things like my blog or my signature, but maybe in time I will figure that out too...LOL I also have an antiquated computer that doesnt hold much before it starts screwing up, so I dont push it! Anyhow, I seem to be in a "good" phase with the Fibromyalgia, as the pain levels have come down a bit for some unknown reason. I have recently quit smoking....two weeks now...with the help of Champix. I did get headaches and then eventually migraines from the Champix, but was able to stay on it long enough to get off the cigarettes. Now I am holding my own, and I am truly amazed! This product really works and I would recommend it to anyone. I think it is called Chantix in the States, but is the same thing. I couldnt take one before bed because it kept me awake all night, but that is one of my symptoms anyhow (that I have trouble sleeping), and the prescription lasted me so much longer from only taking one in the morning. I am still having mild cravings, but nothing I cant handle. I really do want to be successful with this, so I am being very disciiplinary with myself about it. The dr said that quitting smoking can allow the cells to retain more oxygen, which can benefit the muscles, thus causing them to ache less. I really hope that's true. I really do. Since an effective pain medication doesnt seem to be an option with this dr, I am counting on the oxygen in the cells! LOL I am having more positive thoughts lately with the lesser pain levels, so I am enjoying the "good" phase. I know better than to think it will stay this way, so I am continuing to prepare my presentation to the Fibro specialist in April, and can only hope that he will be receptive to some kind of pain management that will include an effective drug when I need that. I just cant believe that I am having to fight this long and hard for pain relief that others are getting without any problem at all. I have lost a lot of faith in our Medical System that I believed all this time was really there to help us. It never occurred to me I would be denied what I need, and it occupies a lot of emotional struggling time for me right now. I can only pray at this point, that God and the angels will help me find a way to get through to some doctor somewhere, how much pain I am really in, and have been for four years now. I really understand now why it is called the "invisible pain". In my case, truer words were never spoken!

Canadian Residents

MaggieRay — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 00:26:00 GMT

I am mostly looking to connect with other Canadian Residents, who are dealing with the same Health Care problems that I am. Residents of Ontario are mostly welcome to contact, but anyone in Canada who may have suggestions or websites for info, or anything, even just to chat about experiences, would be fine.

I have read a lot online about the national dilemma for pain medication, and I would be interested in hearing from anyone who has had success with getting prescribed, and how they went about discussing this with their doctor. I am finding that it is difficult to discuss pain medication without sounding like you're drug seeking, and doctors here seem to be so hung up on the addiction factor, they will not take the risk of prescribing anything that might be effective. As I have basically ruined my stomach from trying to take anti-inflammatories, I cannot tolerate anything that is even slightly hard on the stomach. To date, my doctor will only prescribe Tylenol 3's, which are not very effective anyway, but hard on the stomach also. Even when I take them with lots of food.

I have an appointment with a Fibromyalgia Specialist in Toronto in April. I have no idea how much hope to have about this appointment that he may be willing to prescribe something better..or not...so I try not to get my hopes up...but I also don't know how to approach my doctor to get anything different either. My GP is fairly new (within the year) and not familiar with my history, so she has to take my word for things at this point. I am aware of not wanting to "rock the boat" with our mutual trust levels that is taking time to establish.

I am 53 years old, but feel like a child who is asking her mommy for something she knows the answer will probably be "no" to. It's ridiculous. I know what I need, and I wouldn't ask for it if I didn't, but that doesn't seem to matter. You still have to "play the game" of letting the dr think they are in control and that you are just there to follow their orders. Unfortunately, here in Ontario, if we have a family dr, we are very lucky, and do not have the option of "shopping" for another one. I do like this dr, however, and do think that in time, she may listen more seriously to a pain med request, but we are too new to each other for me to be able to do that at this point. I hear of other people getting all kinds of pain medications, and I don't know how they're doing that. Maybe I just haven't taken the right approach yet. Who knows! I get exhausted just thinking about it sometimes. Actually, most of the time! LOL

I am glad to find this site and do hope to hear from people soon.

Salutations to all and Best Wishes for better health!