My precious gift...

It seemed since my daughter was a young girl that our personalities clashed.  I love her more than anything in this world.  She was my life, my everything from the moment I saw her little face.  She was my precious gift from heaven and she still is.  Kayla is 16 and half now.  She went through hell during early adolescence.  She put me through hell.  I wonder if she thinks, "when I'm a mother I'll never do that!".  I remember thinking that about my own mom.  I figured our clash was a typical daughter and mom deal.  I observed my sister parenting my nephews and I think one factor is that boys are just easier to raise.   Girls, or mine at least, from very young are constantly in your face pleading for you to play a game or barbie dolls with them.  My sis would set her little boys down with a couple toy trucks and plastic army guys and not hear a peep for hours.  I thought how lucky she was not to have a girl and then I thought how lucky I was to have a girl. She was a happy, intelligent baby and toddler.  Also, very, very entertaining and brought me much joy.  At 3 years old she was helping her developmentally disabled cousin who was 6 years older than her when the other kids were picking on him.  She has never stopped helping him.  She would never hit a child back who had hit her because, she said, "I don't want to hurt anybody, mommy".  I had told her to hit the bullying kids back. She just couldn't understand why anyone would ever be mean to her or other kids at school. 

Her heart is good, she is good no matter what she has done.  And she has done much that I wish she hadn't.  She chose the path to the wild side. At 14 she treated me as a nobody but demanded much from me, this all started at age 11.  At 14 she laughed about my illnesses and pain.  Just a year ago she started treating me like a human being.  I know that Kayla's heart has not blackened but also know that she has a shield around it.  Do we ever lose our kind hearts?  Or our unkind hearts? 

She and I are learning to move beyond that clashing.  We are finding that place where we can meet and enjoy each other.  I am into my 4th year battling SSA for my disability at this time.  Kayla, my 16 year old daughter and her best friend who lives with us are supporting me financially, they are providing us with a place to live.  What a very special young lady my Kayla is.  I am forever grateful for my precious gift, my daughter.