Name: Attila the Mom

Sex: Female

Status: Married

Crunch Time!

Posted: 11/16/2007 at 01:14 AM

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Recently, a very nice person who visited my regular blog wrote to me. I didn't respond right away, simply because this is the week before Thanksgiving break, and between the Big Kid (my oldest son) and I, we have 9 papers due and 3 exams. Yikes.

When I wrote back, I apologized and tried to explain a bit. He asked (nicely) why, at my <<koff koff>> advanced age of 40, did I decide to go back to college?

Here at Disaboom, I've written quite a bit about my younger son, who has autism and developmental delays. On my other blog, I've written more about my older son, simply because a lot of issues unfolded in the last couple of years that effected our daily lives. But I don't expect people who suddenly tune in to go back and read archives, so I tried to summarize it.

Why did I got "back" to college? In a nutshell, because my son needs me. But now that I'm here, I'm having a wonderful time.

Oddly enough, the last time I was in college, he was with me then too, kicking around screaming to "get me outta here!" ;-)

Big Kid was away at college his freshman year in April of 2006 when he had a severe mental breakdown. He didn't leave his dorm room for almost a month, and nobody even noticed enough to try to help him. Considering that freshmen were required to live on campus, and he didn't show up for classes, "somebody" might have tried to check up and see where he was/what was going on since he wasn't where he was supposed to be.

But nobody did.

How's that for impersonal?

When he got home he was in the midst of one, long, agonizing, drawn-out panic attack, and we almost hospitalized him. But that increased his fear, so with the help of our family doc, his therapist and neuropsych, we treated him at home. He thought he had a brain tumor, a heart condition, a tumor in his butt (ok, that was quite funny), and aliens laying eggs in his digestive tract.

I thought I knew something about mental illness, but believe me, until you see your child marching up and down your front yard hallucinating and screaming at the trees while wearing nothing but his underwear, you really have NO idea how devastating it is for them. It was a really rough year for all of us. He was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and a panic disorder later that fall.

He's doing really well now---we finally found a good combo of meds, but we have good days and bad days.

Unfortunately, in most states, you can't carry your kids on your insurance after the age of 19 unless they're enrolled in college. Although the law changed in Colorado last year, Big Kid is insured through his dad's insurance in California. He needs regular medical care right now, and without insurance, his meds alone would cost over $500 a month.

The problem for us? The closest college is in the city an hour away. And the kid doesn't drive.

He may have a mental illness, but he still is going to have to function in this world, and we don't plan on allowing him to live on our couch for the rest of his life. Flipping burgers won't support him. He needs an education.

Sooooooo....I could drive him to the city and sit on my butt reading novels while he's in class while I wait for him, or I figured I could make the most of my time. I always wanted to get my paralegal certification, and this was an ideal time to do it. So we became students together.

Through student disability services, the Big Kid is allowed some accommodations (in addition to his recent diagnosis, he's had longstanding issues---ADHD, OCD, CAPD). I help facilitate by keeping track of his assignment due dates and transcribing his notes from a recorder. Due to some new meds he started last summer, his focus is really wonderful, and if he can hang on for the next 4 weeks and not self-sabotage himself (an unfortunate habit) A's for his classes are within his grasp.

We've just got a few weeks to go until the end of this semester.

Send good thoughts his way, would you?

Thanks!

ATM

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ecrowley wrote on Nov 16, 2007 at 10:40 AM
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Thanks for sharing! I know what you mean about how crazy schoolwork can get - I'm in a masters program and I had two finals and a HUGE project due this week - needless to say, I didn't get much sleep this past week! Good luck to you and Big Kid both next week and until the end of the semester. :)
Nonniebee wrote on Nov 16, 2007 at 2:12 PM
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I'm sending good thoughts to Big Kid and especially to you. Don't lose faith and bless you for being there for your child. As a person with bipolar disorder myself, I can only tell you how important a good support system can be.
Debbie wrote on Nov 16, 2007 at 2:38 PM
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hi, most certainly sending your whole family good thoughts. you are a good mom and it must have been heartbreaking to hear that nobody noticed big kid was staying in his room and not showing up in classes. good luck to you both. xoxo
Terrible Palsy wrote on Nov 17, 2007 at 4:23 AM
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Fingers crossed for the A's. Lotsa good thoughts going big kids way!
PhilosopherCrip wrote on Nov 20, 2007 at 12:33 AM
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good luck to you both!

i have several people with bipolar that I am very very close with and understand the challenges, but also know how much hope there is for Big Kid. I know many people who live very well with bipolar. Has he ever heard of my friend Andy Imparato? Andy has bipolar and went to Yale for college and Stanford for law school, and now works as the President and CEO of the American Association of People with Disabilities (the largest cross disability advocacy organization in the US). The guy rubs shoulders with the most powerful people in DC and is a true leader and champion of our cause. Of course, not everyone's situation is the same and not all disabilities are alike that share a diagnosis, but Andy is an absolutely terrific example of the success and flourishing that people with psychiatric disabilities can achieve. For me, growing up with strong little people role models was hugely important and so I hope your sons find similar people that influence them and give them hope for their futures!

Crunch Time!

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