Name: Attila the Mom

Sex: Female

Status: Married

What to Say? How to Say it?

Posted: 11/19/2007 at 01:54 AM

share this:

I LIKE IT

member(s) liked this post.

Email this to a Friend

I haven't really talked too much about this in blogland, because it's hard to know how to frame it. Mostly, I guess it's because we don't know if we handled it in the right way. The whole issue kind of jumped up and bit us on the nose, if you know what I mean.

How do you tell your child that he/she has a disability if they aren't aware of it on their own?

A couple of years ago, we ran into a situation that completely caught us by surprise. All of Little Guy's peers were getting their driver's permits and learning to drive. He wanted to know when we were planning on taking him to get his.

I was totally flummoxed.

Over the years, we've made several attempts to teach our son how to ride a tricycle, a bike with training wheels, and even an ATV. He simply doesn't have the coordination or reflexes to steer or make snap decisions while navigating. After the first few attempts he no longer had any interest in trying, so we didn't want to push him. We just waited a year or two to try again, with pretty much the same results.

So I said very gently, "I don't know, Honey. It might be difficult with your disabilities."

It was his turn to be totally flummoxed. "What's a disability?"

Gak!

I've written a couple of posts about how Little Guy has been completely included in the regular classroom since the first grade (he started attending transitions skills class in high school). Although it's been wonderful for his development and feeling of community, I wonder if this has been an unforeseeable drawback.

I talked to him a little about autism and how it affects him.

"Did you ever notice that some things are harder for you than they are for the other kids in your class?"

"But I work hard!"

"Yes, yes, I know you do! But does it seem like some things are easier for the other kids?"

"Suffering builds character!"

Whaaaaa?????? "Honey, where in the world did you hear this?"

"Calvin and Hobbes."

Ah, of course. Silly me.

Once we talked about autism, he wanted to know everything about it. Did it mean he was ill? Would it kill him? Did we know anyone else with it? Could I show him a picture on the computer?

And the most heartbreaking....

Could the doctor "fix" him so he could drive?

We've never focused on or really paid attention to the things our kids "can't" do. They were diagnosed early, so adapting has been our way of life from the beginning.

Little Guy has always had reasonable expectations for his future career goals----he likes people, he likes food. He wants to work in a restaurant, or a grocery store (especially the deli), or someplace like the school cafeteria.

He has great computer and typing skills. As long as he doesn't have to analyze the information, he could work data-entry because he's fast and accurate. Right now he works a few hours a week doing this for the local historical society. But this work doesn't "grab" him. It doesn't involve people OR food. ;-)

I guess we thought that he sensed his own limitations when talking about his future, so we have been able to enthusiastically support him in all of his career goals. I mean, it's not like he had his heart set on being a jet pilot or some other specialty that we'd have to try to discourage his hopes for.

We tried to find out where his head was at----he's attended and participated in all of his own IEP meetings since about the 4th grade, and he's been at every triennial review to discuss his growth and development. He's been to all of his own therapy appointments, and he's participated in some level of transitions skills since he started high school. If he wasn't aware of having a disability, what did he think all these activities were for?

Well, turns out that Little Guy thought that EVERY student had IEPs to determine goals, EVERY student had a transitions class to help prepare them for life in the world, and that EVERY student had a curriculum tailored to their particular needs.

Just like him.

Bless his heart. If only the world was truly that inclusive.

51 Views

share this:

Comments

Your comment may take up to 15 minutes to appear.

Name

Your e-mail

Body

Some HTML is allowed in the comments. See the list.

What is this code for?

Code

Submit Your Comment

ShoalBear wrote on Nov 19, 2007 at 1:58 PM
- view profile
- send private message
That's Little Guy for you!! I have told you before he is a great guy!!

Has he accepted that he can't drive yet? I hope it didn't break his heart too much!!
Terrible Palsy wrote on Nov 20, 2007 at 2:48 AM
- view profile
- send private message
Geez. I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with the hard questions.

But you gotta love Little Guy. What heart! What spirit!
Debbie wrote on Nov 21, 2007 at 9:49 AM
- view profile
- send private message
you have a really sweet kid. sounds like he brings you alot of joy too. xoxo
Valerie Marie wrote on Nov 26, 2007 at 3:53 AM
- view profile
- send private message
((LG))xoxo
Inspiration « Terrible Palsy wrote on Nov 26, 2007 at 7:34 PM
- view profile
Pingback from Inspiration « Terrible Palsy

What to Say? How to Say it?

Comments

Please Wait...

Related Blogs

Related Articles