Attila the Mom

Binkys and Baby Voices

2008-06-17T16:22:00Z

We drove Little Guy up to camp this weekend. There are very few social activities up here for young adults when school's out, so it's something to break up the summer.

It's a neat program for people who have mild to moderate disabilities. This week's age group is for 18-21 year olds, and Little Guy has been really looking forward to it, since he missed out last year when he smashed his fingers in the garage door.

For the past year, Little Guy has been practicing greetings---hand shaking, making eye contact, adding phrases to his verbal repertoire so that when he gets past the "Hi, how are you, I'm fine, how are you?" part, he'll be able to appropriately add more to an exchange other than his old initial stand-bys---"Are you wearing socks?" or "What did you have for breakfast?"

He desperately wants to go beyond a first conversational connection when he meets people, so he's been trying on a phrase wardrobe to see what fits and what doesn't.

"Did you take a shower today?" is not usually a hit.

"I really like your colorful t-shirt!" is.

While we were waiting our turn in the lodge to get him signed in (we were there early), I sat with his pile of stuff along with a few other parents and he wandered around putting his new skills to work. He introduced himself to other campers and counselors, shook their hands and chatted with them. Then he came over to stand by me.

Sitting next to me was a mother and her daughter. The daughter smiled at Little Guy and shyly said, "Hi!"

He stuck his hand out to her. Hi, my name is Little Guy! What's your name?

Somehow her mother intercepted his hand first and shook it. "Nice to meet you, Little Guy!", she exclaimed brightly in a baby voice. "My name is Marty!"

He cringed.

I cringed.

We don't do baby voices.

She turned to her daughter. "This is Ellbee!"

Little Guy moved his hand over to shake. Nice to meet you, Ellbee!

She took his hand and grimaced. "My name is really Daniella", she said softly. Pretty name for a very pretty young woman.

Then her mom chimed in loudly---again in an excruciatingly cloying baby voice---and pointed to the name tag on her daughter's chest, "But WE like to call her our little Ellbee!"

Yikes.

When we filled out the forms for camp, I remember there being a section for nicknames. I guess if I even spent any time pondering it, my thoughts would be along the lines of Tom being short for Thomas, or Liz being short for Elizabeth, etc. It never would have occurred to me to fill it in with nicknames we called Little Guy when he was 3----Bubarooni and Sweet Pea.

He's not a baby. He's a young man, for Pete's sakes.

While he was doing an inventory of his belongings with one of the staff, I wandered over to the table that held the name tags, hoping to see if any of his old friends were attending this week. Amongst the Johns, Ricks, Marys, Heathers and Kates were WeeDee and Binky.

What the heck?

Ok, to be fair, I haven't met these people. For all I know WeeDee and Binky LIKE their nicknames. Or maybe they're like Daniella, who is struggling to claim her adult name as her own.

I know it's hard to let go of our babies, especially if developmentally they will remain as children. But our babies WILL inevitably grow up to be adults.

Where is the dignity for someone named Ron, if everyone is calling him BINKY when he's 40? It's not cute any more. It's a bad caricature of stereotypes regarding people who have cognitive disabilities.

I said a little prayer the other night.

I prayed that Ellbee tore off her name tag and continued to assert herself after Mom dropped her off. I prayed that at least this week, she gets to be who she wants to be.

A lovely young adult named Daniella.

This and That

2008-05-20T08:04:00Z

It's been a busy, busy month! Between college finals, Little Guy's musical and final concert recitals (not to mention his 18th birthday and planning his graduation with all the ex-inlaws and outlaws), I've had computer problems as well. Hope you've all been well!

Oh and we've been dealing with Social Security. Gak! Well sorta.

We were told to get our ducks in a row and apply for all kinds of things about this time. So we're in the middle of applying for legal guardianship (the homestudy went well, ex-hubby is not opposing, all that's left is the court hearing), and SSI benefits. I feel weird about applying for SSI right now, because Little Guy will remain at home, and my ex and I agreed to continue to support him until he's 21 in our divorce agreement, so he really doesn't have an immediate needs that we can't take care of.

Of course, eventually he would like to try to live independently---either in a group setting, or in assisted living with his own apartment.

The thing is that SS "prefers" that a client's most recent evaluation, etc. be less than a year old. Little Guy's last eval was three years ago, but we have current and concurrent school and doctor's reports, so if we waited another 3 years, we'd just have to have him re-evaluated again. Figured it was best to start the process to get him in the system now. Since we heard it can take a long time.

Well call me Bessie and slap me silly. It's been less than a month, and he's already been approved. All that's left is a visit to an SS-approved psychologist to confirm all of the medical findings next week, but he's already scheduled to start receiving benefits. I suspect that it's because the lady who did intake is a master of efficiency.

We had an appointment set up with someone who was highly recommended in the dis community in the Colorado Springs area who helps people with their claims. I didn't hear about him until after we had originally applied, and we couldn't get an appointment until the end of the month. I DID mention his name at the end of our initial appointment (we applied for Big Kid as well) and asked what I should tell him when we had our consultation. Maybe it was his name alone that moved mountains, who can say? But they knew him. The intake consultant said, "Do whatever he tells you to do!"

If you're in the Springs/Southern Colorado area and having problems applying or qualifying for SSI, drop me a line and I'll send you his name and number. We're fortunately going to cancel our appointment with him for Little Guy, but will still see him for Big Kid.

And now for a weird example of our gov't at work....

Got some paperwork from SS about Little Guy's case, and it said, "Your medical records indicate that part of your disability is alcoholism....."

Huh? Was there some oopsy box-checking where somebody mistakenly missed "autism"?

I called our intake consultant. "There's a HUGE mistake here!"

She checked her records and asked me to check the printout I had received when we were done with our appointment.

Nope. No alcoholism there.

There was, however a notation of "mental impairment".

Is that a synonym for alcoholism these days? Gak!

So how are you guys doing?

Really, Not Many Words

2008-05-02T08:22:00Z

If it was nothing, why resign?

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/video/?autoStart=true&topVideoCatNo=default&clipId=2439542

::Sniff:: ::Sniff::

2008-04-16T14:46:00Z

April is Autism awareness month, and I'm very sad to say that a good friend is taking a (hopefully not permanent) hiatus from blogland to focus on the upcoming needs of her son who will be leaving school soon. Casdok has been a wonderful resource and an encouraging friend.

She posted this on her last entry (not sure if she is the author, so forgive me if I don't attribute it correctly), and I think it sums up the lives our children are living so very aptly.

I don’t want to be treated like a child.
I want respect.
I don’t want to be ‘trained’.
I want the opportunity to grow.
I don’t want to fester in a local day service, or in a home.
I want to be an active member of the community.
I don’t want pity or patronizing.
I want to be valued.
I don’t want neglect or abuse.
I want to feel safe.
I don’t want lack of resources to be an excuse.
I want a creative approach.
I don’t want institutionalised staff.
I want people who really care.
I don’t want people being complacent about my behaviour.
I want to be nurtured.
I don’t want special services.
I want opportunity.
I don’t want to ‘fit’ into existing services.
I want choice.
I don’t want to miss out because of risk assessment.
I want some fun.
I don’t want to be cured.
I want acceptance.
I don’t want charity.
I want integrity and dignity.
I don’t want to be disabled by society.

I just want what everyone else has.

I'm going to miss you, Friend. Don't be a stranger! ATM

Labeling and the Media

2008-03-28T14:47:00Z

Over the years as an adult adoptee who is involved with open-records advocacy (I'm a member of Bastard Nation), I've become sensitive to how the media uses language as descriptors. Frequently when describing the open-records debate, articles flash headlines like "Adopted Children Seek Records", etc.

Well no. I'm not a child. I'm an adult. I pay taxes, I vote, I can serve my country in the military, I own property, and I'm even allowed to drive in a carpool. And like thousands of adoptees and birth families each year, I've found and reunited without ever accessing any of my governmental-sealed records.

But even if I was to walk into a courtroom today (I was adopted in one of the 43 states that have sealed records) with both of my mothers by my side---adoptive and birth---in support, the government would still deny me access, because under their laws, the act of adoption makes me a "forever child" in the eyes of the state. I have to be protected from my own information and original birth certificate. Neener neener nanny boo-boo.

I'm not writing this in order to get into an open-records debate, but to illustrate how the media inadvertently or deliberately uses descriptors that incite emotional and/or misleading responses.

Any reasonable person who reads "Adopted Children Seek Records" might immediately think "minor child". Understandably, they would be thinking of a 12 or 15-year old (which is inaccurate---nobody is advocating opening records to minor adoptees), and not a 65-year-old grandmother who is a retired police chief.

So on that note, today I read an article (link is at the bottom of my post) about a librarian aide who was fired from her job for reporting a man who was viewing what she thought was child porn on the library computer.

He was a regular patron, and when she first walked by and realized that he was looking at pornographic pictures of boys, she contacted her supervisor (from what I gather this is a small county library satellite and she was the only employee who manned it). Her supervisor told her to write him "a note" to tell him to stop it.

The employee didn't feel good about the response and went next door to ask the police what to do. Small town. :-) The police told her to contact them if he did it again. The next time she saw him viewing similar pictures she did. They arrested him, and they confiscated the computer for evidence. The library supervisor called them and accused them of violating the patron's "privacy rights". Gak. The right to view any kind of porn on a public computer? There is an expectation of privacy?

Ok, that's a debate in itself. But not one I'm addressing.

Oh yeah. They also fired the librarian aide that reported him. Another debate.

What I find disturbing is this:

Somewhat buried in this long and convoluted article, the reporter mentioned that the accused was deaf and was a diagnosed schizophrenic. And nothing further. That was it.

Ok, I can see some relevance to reporting the psychiatric disorder, although, if they're going to throw it out there, it would probably helpful to know if he was receiving treatment or not. Or if they were going to use this tidbit of information, it would have been responsible journalism to point out that the tendency to view child porn isn't actually a symptom of schizophrenia. Why? Because there ARE people out there who believe that Jack and Rose were real people on the Titanic and might get the mistaken impression that schizophrenia = pedophilia. Some people are weird that way.

And why bother to mention that he is deaf? Is it relevant? Are people who have deafness more likely than not to look at illegal porn?

The guy was looking at child porn. The end. It's illegal, so arrest and charge him. When you read articles about other offenders you don't ever see sentences that say:

"xxxxx is a library regular who is fat."

"xxxxx is a library regular who wears glasses."

"xxxxx is a library regular who is blond."

"xxxxx is a library regular who is black."

"xxxxx is a library regular who eats a lot of garlic and doesn't brush his teeth so he has dragon breath."

"xxxxx is a library regular who has weird orange hair that he wears in a Teflon comb-over and inexplicably shouts 'you're fired!' at people ."

What does any of it have to do with reporting a crime that was allegedly committed? It doesn't. So why mention it? If we're trying to be an inclusive society, what is the relevance? I think it's completely irresponsible to include a disability as a descriptor if it isn't relevant to the situation.

I might just be chasing my own tail, but I'd love to hear other views on this.

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-library26mar26,1,3211325.story

Ashley X's Treatment a "Success"

2008-03-17T17:05:00Z

Ashley's parents have finally come forward to talk to the media.

There is just so much that is wrong with this that has been hashed and rehashed over and over that I wouldn't know where to start.

But I think I'd trade a month of my life if I could permanently erase the word "Pillow Angel" from the screaming mess that used to be my brain.

http://www.efluxmedia.com/news_Ashley_Treatment_Successful_in_Every_Expected_Way_Parents_15112.html

http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/conditions/03/12/pillow.QA/

How Much Does Appearance Matter?

2008-03-13T13:07:00Z

I've been thinking about this for two days, and still can't seem to get a handle on it. Most of us have been horrified over the story of Ashley X, the Seattle child whose parents subjected her to a mastectomy, hysterectomy, and growth hormone treatments to keep her to a "manageable" size so it will be easier to care for her because of her severe developmental disabilities.

Sometimes surgical interventions for our kids is necessary (although I personally don't find it so in the case of Ashley X, but I'm not walking in her parents' shoes). For instance, the repair of a cleft palate. A hole in the heart. Repair of a severe hernia. The list goes on and on.

What about cosmetic surgery to make our children look "less disabled"?

I read an article (link is at the bottom) about some parents in the UK who are considering plastic surgery for their children who have Down Syndrome (not that I don't think many parents in the U.S. haven't considered it, I just haven't seen any articles about it). One mother, whose daughter had three cosmetic surgeries done before the age of 5 said, "We live in a society that judges people by the way they look. Society is not going to change overnight - so Georgia has to fit into society, rather than society fitting into the way she is."

urk.

I really hate that message. And I hate the fact that these parents would resort to unnecessary surgery so early in their child's life so "they" can feel more comfortable with the way she looks. It would be one thing if she were a teenager or adult and unhappy with certain aspects of her appearance. But face it, how many toddlers care how society looks at them? They're more interested in getting a cookie.

But my own hypocrisy niggles at me. Why did we get Little Guy braces on his teeth if not to improve his appearance? His chompers were functional. We even had to have two perfectly fine teeth pulled because he didn't have enough space in his mouth.

And I suppose if he had a couple of jugs like Prince Charles we would at some point have considered a procedure to pin them back. He also takes medication for acne.

It's a tough issue.

Any thoughts?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=528898&in_page_id=1879&ico=Homepage&icl=TabModule&icc=picbox&ct=5

Happy Extra Day!

2008-03-01T06:52:00Z

I don't know if it's Leap Year goodness, or what...but things have been really going great!

First, Hubby's tests came back fine after his blood clot, and he's flown back east to spend some much-needed time with his mom.

Secondly, Big Kid has a second job interview. Woohoo! Keep your fingers crossed!

Last, but not least, Little Guy auditioned and won a part in his high school musical. I talked with his music teacher to try to figure out the particulars to set up a schedule so that he won't get on the bus after school, and where I can meet him to pick him up after rehearsals.

She said, "Did you know that Little Guy has perfect 'pitch'"?

Well, I kind of figured that. Even though he was completely echolalic until he was 5, the boy was in love with Melissa Etheridge, and would precisely belt out the notes to "I'm the Only One" in his car seat when we were cruising around town, even if he couldn't form the words.

His teacher continued...."he's one of the few non-professional students I've ever had who can pick up a score cold and sing it straight by sight-reading."

Wow! Never saw that coming. How cool is that?

So in honor Mz. Etheridge, I'm going to pimp my Disaboom girl crushes.

Note: Since Disaboom's blog posting "link" feature is, as usual, not working for me, please cut and paste their names into the search bar, if it's working, and visit them!

First is Liesl, who my husband swears is actually Annette Benning. Love, her posts!

Second is CherylBeryl....feisty and fabulous!!!

Next is Debbie---who has got to be the most welcoming and warm-hearted person I've ever met.

Last but not least is Ecrowley.....such a sharp wit, and her posts really hits home for us!

Opening up Another Can of Whup-Ass

2008-02-23T14:41:00Z

You know, advocating can be an exhausting process---either as parents advocating for our children, or as

self-advocates. Sometimes it seems like it's a never-ending battle---either trying to make schools, businesses, etc comply under existing laws, or fighting to change laws that are discriminatory. Not to mention the uphill stroll of educating the "muggles", etc. I know you guys have been there, done that, so I don't have to go into the "big speech".

That's why---when I see other parents who go WAY out of their way to excuse their children's bad behavior---to be honest, I just see red.

When my Little Guy, who has autism, was in the 8th grade, he was stalked by a couple of classmates. Although he gets invited to quite a few social activities, personal phone calls from his friends are few and far between, and are treated as wonderful events in our house.

So when he first got a call from a "private number", and I asked who was calling (the two voices on there identified themselves as a couple of kids who Little Guy had known from elementary school), I didn't think twice about handing the phone over. It turned into a couple of weeks of nasty harassment, but we weren't aware of it until the second to last call. I happened to pick up the phone and hear some of the filth and it was clear that they had been following him around at school. I demanded they stop calling.

But they were dumb enough to try it again.

So I called the police.

I notified the middle-school principal, told him that we were getting calls from "supposedly" two students (who had always been kind to Little Guy), and told him that the police would be in contact. The principal had information on a student who had been in trouble for making "stalkerish" calls to other students in the past, but couldn't give me any details.

After all was said and done, between the principal, the police and the phone company, two boys were arrested for stalking Little Guy (they weren't the nice students they pretended to be). One was the boy who had problems before. The other was a boy who hadn't been in trouble before. The police actually came into the classroom and yanked the little snots out.

Official charges were ultimately never filed, but the boys were suspended from school, and weren't allowed to be in any classes that Little Guy was in throughout the rest of the year and in high-school. If it screwed up THEIR schedules, well tough poop. Many kids shunned them, so they got some peer retribution.

What really bites me is the fact that the parents of the second kid were ashamed that he had been involved in this and were completely apologetic. The parents of the first kid? The one who had been in trouble before for making "stalkerish" and harassing phone calls to other people?

HIS parents blamed the phone company for releasing the information to the police department, because they thought when they got a "private number" it meant that it was "really" private! That's why they "spent money getting a private number"---so that when their little brat made harassing phone calls, he wouldn't get caught. It was THEIR fault the kid was in trouble, by golly!

God forbid they should actually address the problem of WHY their kid felt the need to stalk and harass kids who were more vulnerable.

I'm serious!! The cops who worked on our case were completely disgusted.

So I guess when I read stories about parents who go out of their way to "advocate" for their kids' bad behavior, instead of addressing it, it really gets my pants in a twist.

A middle-school student in Ohio. made a fake "My Space" page----he made it under a pseudonym---and wrote about his principal being a child molester. He didn't actually include the man's name, but supplied a picture and the name of the middle school.

The student's identity was tracked down, and he was expelled.

Instead of being horrified, his parents are suing, claiming that the school district is discriminating against their precious lil pumpkin, and denying his right to free speech. Since claiming that his principal is a pedophile is a "matter of parody".

"Disrespecting teachers outside of school is an age-old tradition, and one from which teachers neither need nor deserve protection...It would be naive to think that even the most popular principal is not the subject of student ridicule and parody."

Even if it ruins the principal's entire career by innuendo? If the kid thought what he was doing was a matter of "free speech", why didn't he sign it with his real name?

Somebody needs to break a foot off in their collective heinie. I mean it.

Sensory Overload

2008-02-17T08:49:00Z

Arrgghh!! It's been awhile since I've posted, but it just seems that when it rains, it pours.

Big Kid is looking for a job. Since he's only taking classes part-time, and we've stopped paying for the essentials of life---like cds, wrestling on pay-per-view and video game rentals, he's come to the conclusion that if he wants these items, he'll have to pay for them himself. So he's looking for a job where he doesn't have to shave, bathe or change clothes for weeks at a time. And one where they'll let him take a 20 minute break every hour and let him listen to his Ipod while he's working. I found there is really a job for dog food tasting (yes, really!), but I think they actually require that he bathe once in awhile. Any ideas?

Hubby became suddenly ill a few weeks ago. He developed a large and painful swelling that turned out to be a huge blood clot. We had to give him shots in his belly every day for 10 days. I seriously don't know how people with diabetes do it. Hubby's abdomen is just a mass of bruises from only 10 days. He's got more testing coming up this week, but he's on the mend. Send good thoughts, would you?

Last month, Little Guy came to give me a "goodnight hug" after his shower and something that was hanging off the bottom of his arm caught my eye. I asked him to hold his arms up, and got an "AIIGGGHH!" moment.

He had 8 new moles (5 under one arm and 3 under the other) hanging there. I KNOW they weren't there last summer, because we swim at least once a day and I see him with his shirt off regularly.

The doc said they were "skin tags" and gave me a long explanation about how they get there (something like skin stretching back and forth and a little piece pops out) and we decided that considering the location, it would probably be best to remove them.

But how to do it with the least amount of trauma possible? Little Guy has sensory integration issues, and it's hard to tell what will pain him or what won't.

He won't tell us that he's sick until he's really really sick. Over the years, I've had to check his temp every time he has a sniffle, because he walked around with both ears infected without a word. Last summer, he smashed 8 of his fingers in the horizontal slats pulling down the garage door, and never shed a tear.

Yet if you "pat" him---even gently---on his back, or shoulder, or knee---he acts like you're assaulting him with a baseball bat. The vacuum doesn't bother him, but a fire alarm will make him curl up in a ball.

The doc gave us lidocane patches to slap over the moles the night before to numb the area locally. It's hard to tell if they worked or not, because Little Guy was too freaked out about the chair he was sitting in, instead of the "regular" examining table. Apparently it's like the one in the "Requip" commercial, and he was afraid that if his legs touched the leg rests, it would give him Restless Leg Syndrome. So we moved to another room. With the equipment.

When the doctor turned on the machine that burns the moles off, Little Guy was immediately apprehensive. He jumped and said "OWW!!" when Doc touched it to the first skin tag. So doc gave him shots of local anesthetic in all 8 (which would have sent ME screaming from the room if it was me) areas. He poked them all with a needle to see if they were numb, and Little Guy never even noticed.

Until he turned the machine on. I guess it was the noise, because my guy screeched through the whole thing as if he was being tortured. We were both in tears when it was over. Doc said the tags would fall off after a couple of days.

Well guess what? It's been more than a couple of days, and they're all still there. Little Guy shows me like 5 times a day.

Please, please tell me we won't have to do this again!

So how has your week been? Catch me up!

Little Pitchers Have Big Ears...

2008-01-31T14:21:00Z

Hubby and I have always tried to be careful about what we discuss in front of the kids, because you never know what might be repeated at a future date (and at the worst possible time). When we were kids, my older brother--the smartypants--fancied himself as the joke expert in the family. Whenever anyone ELSE would tell a joke, he'd retort, "That's as old as my grandma, and she farts dust!"

Needless to say, when Grandma came to visit and older brother was trying to entertain her with his wit, that exact phrase came back to haunt him when it popped out of my 6-year-old brother's mouth in response. Ouch!

Little pitchers and all...

Some months ago, my ex-husband asked for a copy of Little Guy's medical records and evaluations. His oldest in his second family was having some developmental issues and was being evaluated for Asberger's Syndrome (which is a form of high-functioning autism).

After zipping him off his copies, I talked about it with Hubby. I was a bit perplexed that ex didn't want a copy of Big Kid's records as well, especially since there have been many instances of ADHD being misdiagnosed as Asberger's and vice versa, and there is a strong family history of ADD/ADHD. In fact, many of ex's son's symptoms mirrored Big Kid's at that age----impulsivity, running amok, defiance, inability to sit still, lack of attention, etc.

We went on to discuss Big Kid and where he's at now at the age of 21. The med regimen he started last August has been a great combination---the new stimulant he takes for ADHD doesn't make him manic, and he hasn't had a rage attack in months. Fortunately (or unfortunately) it hasn't dulled his personality---he's still the same ornery, contrary cuss he's always been. Or as we say from time to time between ourselves---"there IS no pill for a$$hole".

So Little Guy comes home from school the other day, and we chat while we're making dinner.

"Did you know that Hot Chick (his girlfriend) has a disability?" He was agog.

"Well, Honey, so do you."

"You mean I don't have autism? I have a disability instead?" Eek. This needed some sit-down time. I tried to explain that the term disability encompasses a wide range of conditions, while the term autism was more or less specific. He has autism, and so does Hot Chick. His friend XXXX has a physical disability and uses a wheelchair. His brother Big Kid has a disability which is completely different (didn't want to get into all of the specifics so I left it at that). Then I asked if he understood what I was trying to say.

He was thrilled that it all clicked for him and he nodded enthusiastically.

"I have autism and it's a disability. Hot Chick has autism and it's a disability. Big Kid has a disability too.

...Mom, does Big Kid have A$$holeberger's Syndrome?"

Aiiighhhhhhh!!!

Gonna go wash my mouth out with soap now. Carol Brady would be so ashamed.

Bite Me!

2008-01-29T22:56:00Z

Haven’t seen too much oddball news lately, and I saw something I wanted to share.

When I first read that bride Chidi Ogbuta of Allen, Texas had a wedding cake made as a life-sized replica of herself in her wedding dress, I thought the media was pulling my leg.

I guess it gives new meaning to the words "Bite Me!" ;-)

The cake took two weeks to make, and a week to consume (I was wondering how long it would take 5+ feet of cake to disappear). Many friends and well-wishers stopped by to chew the fat and enjoy a slice.

If the couple follows tradition and puts a piece in the freezer to eat on their first anniversary, it makes me wonder----what piece are they going to choose? An arm?

I guess they could get a lot of mileage if they choose another part.

Phone rings:

"Hey, married man? How's life treating you? Haven't seen the little woman around lately."

"Ssshhh! Don’t tell anybody! I’ve got her head in the freezer!”

Oy. ;-)

GRRRRR!!!

2008-01-22T14:51:00Z

I wrote a post about this on my other blog over a year ago---about getting dinged on textbooks for college. Since Big Kid and I are both students, we've bought some from Alibris, some from the campus and everything has worked out ok since then.

This semester, so much has been going on that for expediency's sake we just bought them from the campus bookstore online. We typed in the classes, the required books popped up and we were able to get them used.

But even used, Big Kid's books for 2 classes were almost $300.00.

When they got here, we examined them, but didn't take the shrink-wrap off the ones so encased (learned about that the hard way a semester ago).

One of the books was a dinky little paperback---81 pages---and cost $65.00. What the heck did it cost when it was new?

So Big Kid logs into his new class yesterday (his are through the college system on the Internet this semester) and finds out that the dinky book isn't a required textbook, but optional supplemental reading.

AAAAIIGHGHHHH!!! Are you sh*tting me?

We went back to the campus bookstore website, typed in the class information, and yes, the book was listed with the required textbook. No "optional" option available. And since you can't log into your class until the scheduled time at the scheduled day, you don't get any course material information to find out that no, you don’t really need that expensive little scrap of crap.

I thought, “Well, ok, we’ll send it back with the packing slip/receipt”.

Ha! To get a refund, I have to drive down from the mountains into the city, to the campus bookstore within a prescribed time, let them inspect the book, show my driver’s license and the credit card it was purchased with to have credit applied back to my card.

What if Big Kid was on his own—something we hope will be a reality in the near future? He doesn’t drive. There isn’t any public transportation down into the city from here. As a person with a disability, would he have to pay $45.00 each way by taxi into the city to return an overpriced book that cost $65.00?

And I know I’m nitpicking, but they aren’t going to refund any of the tax or shipping charges we paid, nor the gas expended to drive all the way down there if we don’t have a reason for driving into the city at that particular time.

$65.00 might not seem like a lot to some people, but if you don’t qualify for financial aid and you’re paying for 2 college educations, every little bit counts! What a racket!

I Found Hell and its Name is Paperwork

2008-01-11T13:05:00Z

I think I'm drowning in paper and paperwork. It's become so bad that I hear trees screaming in my sleep. Tell me why-oh-why did I put off everything until after the holidays?

First there are expense reports and taxes. For business and home. Copies in triplicate. Then I have to get Big Kid and myself registered for the spring semester which starts in a few weeks.

Have to get our new business ads in since we added a location. Have a couple of legal matters that are coming up (nothing serious, just involves more paper).

Big Kid turned 21 last week, and has now dropped off his dad's child support obligation. Unfortunately his dad thought that meant that there would be a huge drop in his payments, which won't be the case (his arrears are in the 5-digit range).

I said, “File a motion to modify if you need to.” But that would require submitting his tax returns to the court, and we both know that his income has been higher than when child support was originally set 15 years ago, and he’s caught between a rock and a hard place.

He wants me to instruct the child-support collecting agency (which takes the money out of his check) to do an administrative order to cut his payments in half, so we can avoid having a judge take a look at his finances.

If any of you on either coast heard something that sounded like lunatic laughter over the weekend, well, that would have been me.

I had to call ex at 8pm on our son’s birthday to remind him that our son was having a birthday and had been waiting to hear from him all day, since as usual, he hadn’t even sent him a card. My well of sympathy for the dood has dried up and turned to ashes.

So ex doesn't feel inclined to be very supportive in keeping Big Kid on his health insurance, because his company is looking to drop the kid in any way they can. Petty, petty, petty.

We're racing to try to apply for SSI, which as everyone knows, can take months---IF---and that’s a big IF---he qualifies. Hopefully he'll will, so that if his dad is doing more than just grumbling, the Big Kid will have some kind of back-up health care. Little Guy's needs coordinator suggested we apply for SSI for him now as well, because he'll be turning 18 in a few months.

Oh joy, twice the fun!

Send me some sunshine! How’s your New Year looking so far?

Happy New Year!

2008-01-01T03:42:00Z

I just wanted to wish each and every Disaboom member a Happy New Year!

December is such a hectic and stressful time for many---I hope we'll get to decompress and mellow out a bit in the coming months.

Best wishes to all, and sending you all my hopes for a happy, healthy, loving, joyful and productive 2008, my friends!

ATM