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Posted: 3/8/2008 at 05:03 PM

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Been awhile since i've blogged.

Thought: Blog is a fun word to say. Kinda in the realm of plether and rubish, my tongue just enjoys saying it. Smote, smite, thwart are great too. however I just realized those are all really combative terms so maybe subconsciously i'm a very violent person?

Anyway enough with random thinking. I like to know where people's user's names came from so thought I'd explain mine. I took my name from Jon Mclaughlins song "beautiful disaster". I use to be that girl in his song the lonely girl who never felt she was good enough or pretty, the girl who hated herself because she was disabled. Hard to imagine for the opinionated in your face woman I am today, but i swear i was that quiet girl who didn't want to be seen. Alot of struggle and personal growth later i've come to the realization that, like in the song, I'm perfect only in my imperfections. I'm disabled! and I shave my head! I'm am nothing the media says is beautiful and yet i'm beautiful. why? because the inside became beautiful! it is my sincere wish that every woman could come to this realization. it's rediculous what we put ourselves through because we think the media or hollywood has some better insite then we do on what beauty is. Why do men still rule the world of CEO's? because ladies we're all to busy worrying about how our hair looks to work on business strategies! We're so much more then what we've allowed ourselves to become.

And yes I'm a feminist but i take objection to those who say feminist just wanna be a man. wrong my friend i don't wanna be a man. i enjoy my womanhood all i want is my right and that is the right to be whatever kinda woman i want to be. So if you see me on the streets don't tell me i should grow my hair out, don't tell me i should take my nose ring out or that i'd be prettier with a tan cause frankly my dear i don't give a damn ;)

So have decide to make this blog into a love your self blog for my lady friends out there. I have attached some links to my favorite songs and some poems that recharge my soul when all the crap the world tries to feed me starts to sneak in. Maybe they'll do the same for you.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=mHXEE7Pi6iQ&feature=related

http://youtube.com/watch?v=eguJzuGd0TE&feature=related

http://youtube.com/watch?v=_wWkgL70aaI&feature=related

http://youtube.com/watch?v=4JqOdwrogVU&feature=related

http://youtube.com/watch?v=-r_3Vqu0_mQ

Am Not One Of The
Cheryl Marie WadeI am not one of the physically challenged-
I'm a sock in the eye with gnarled fist
I'm a French kiss with cleft tongue
I'm orthopedic shoes sewn on a last of your fears
I am not one of the differently abled-
I'm an epitaph for a million imperfect babies left untreated
I'm an ikon carved from bones in a mass grave at Tiergarten, Germany
I'm withered legs hidden with a blanket
I am not one of the able disabled-
I'm a black panther with green eyes and scars like a picket fence
I'm pink lace panties teasing a stub of milk white thigh
I'm the Evil Eye
I'm the first cell divided
I'm mud that talks
I'm Eve I'm Kali
I'm The Mountain That Never Moves
I've been forever I'll be here forever
I'm the Gimp
I'm the Cripple
I'm the Crazy Lady
I'm The Woman With Juice

"What does it mean to be "Disabled and Proud"?" she writes, " For me, it means that while everyone else is making their own unique contribution to the world, I'm making mine too. It means I can be a lot of things -- a compound of identities, roles, experiences, gains, losses, feelings, ideas, actions -- and that every piece of me belongs together. None of my pieces need to be erased or hidden. "

Based on a reading titled, “Promise Yourself” (Source unknown)

I promise myself to be so strong
that my peace of mind is infinite in depth, and ever-present;
To speak only of health, happiness and prosperity
to every person I meet;
And to make all of my friends aware
of those special qualities within them.I promise myself to look at the sunny side
of everything, everyone, and every situation I encounter;
To look at life with optimism and with positive emotions;
thereby eliciting the infinite power of entire universe
in making my dreams come true. I promise myself to think about, take action toward
and expect only the best for myself and for everyone else;
And, to be just as enthusiastic about the success of others,
as I am about my own success.I promise to forget past mistakes;
Both my own and of those around me.
As an ever unfolding flower,
I promise myself to press on toward a greater future;
To be sincere, to be genuine;
To wear a cheerful countenance, at all times;
And to smile from my heart with warmth and love.Promise myself to give so much thought and feeling
to the improvement of my own nature
that you have no time or interest in criticizing others.
To be too wise to worry, too allowing to anger
and too centered in my Divine nature to fear anything outside of myself.Promise to seek and share joy as my first priority,
to invite personal growth through the new and unexpected
to be free, to encourage others to be free
and above all, to be happy.

I Shave My Hair

for I am not you, as you are not I
I shave my hair for I am no better than you, as you are no better than I
I shave my hair for those thousand moments where I am
judged as a woman
judged as long flowing tresses breasts and ass
condemned as silent not following the groove freak
condemned as a label that a stranger slaps upon my being
tortured as a woman
tortured as a human
I rid myself of the physical notability in hopes
that you may view the inner beauty and pain and breath
I rid myself in the hopes that you may rid yourself of the assumptioms
I rid myself so you may feel my humanness
I expose myself dreaming that you may do the same
I expose myself and pray.

- a poem taken from the book I Am Beautiful, A Celebration of Women in Their Own Words

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