Goin on a bear hunt

Once again I can be found admist the ranks of females with lucious thick (albeit short) hair. This summer has taken a toll on my spirit and my head seems to reflect the undercurrant inside. I'm reminded of that well known chick flick "Legends of the Fall" where a very young Brad Pitt played a character who would slip into a very dark side of himself. They described it as the bear awakening inside his soul, a beard was the outward evidence of the characters emotional termoil. For lack of a better illustration we'll say the bear is stirring inside me & all the restless discontentment I left behind four yrs ago is lurking in the shadowy chasms of my heart. it seems to grow along with my hair.

 Over the years shaving my head has come to symbolize a number of things but all those emotions could be refined into the simple concepts of freedom and balance within my life. Am I a rebel? Maybe.. if a rebel is a person who desires the right to become whoever she wants and believe thats she's beautiful no matter who she becomes. Now graduated from college I find myself again at a crossroad as I try to decide what kind of woman will be birthed from this season of my life.

The strong fearless woman I've become is waivering .. how will I measure success in this part of my life? Will success be found in a job? family? independence? marriage? My families voice is in my head begging me to stay close. My boyfriends voice advicing to choose based on logic. My professors call for me to aspire to great academic heights. All these voices and my own voice has gone silent.

What do I want? ...It seems that forgotten. Wish me luck on this bear hunt.