Roller Coaster Ride

It will be six months since my above knee amputation in 7 days after getting hit by a car that mounted the pavement in January.  In that time i've been on a roller coaster of emotions, mainly the negative ones.  While i was in hospital, and learning to walk with my prosthetic, and all that kind of stuff, even when filling in forms for various diability living things, I never actually thought of myself as disabled.  That was until today.  A few years ago I rode horses on a regular basis and I decided that riding again might be just the thing to lift my spirits.  I arrived at the stables to discuss with the manager about the possibility of riding. 'Our insurance doesn't cover rider's with disabilities'.  It wasn't like a huuge thing; i'd encountered plenty of stuff to do with my disability already but I think that was the first thing to drive home the lie that i'd been told my medical staff and myself - that you can live a normal life, and there's not going to be things your not able to do.  I wish it wasn't a lie, and maybe its not for a lot of amputees but the break to my left elbow, right femur and various other bones has left me with limited movement pretty much across my body.  I'd been dealing with coming to terms with 'disabled' for a while but had been kind of thinking once I was back on my feet I wouldn't need to use it again.  Unfortunately, in the eyes of the law, goverment, health department etc that is what I am from now until forever.  I don't think its a bad thing, but i've had too many choices taken away from me recently; and I dunno this having to find a riding centre that deals specifically to disabled people just made me think more 'THAT's NOT ME!'.  So i don't know if i'll be balancing this physically disabled but emotionally not all my life or whether eventually all these opposites facets that make up me 'bekih' will come together and i'll feel whole again.