What is up with me?

I am pagan, I like alturnative religions and study ones that I feel help me in this thing called life, it all started when about 10 years ago now I was sitting in church and realized that the christian thing wasn't me and never really was.. I stayed in church for a couple more years mostly for my girls, and the fact that at the time I would have had a really hard time finding time to figure out where I  really was and am.. Forward to late 1999 things changed and I had time and could read and study and find my way.. The only real reason I ever did the christian thing was because I went to a christian school for the last couple of years of high school and I was told this is what I needed and when you are told that enough you start believing anything.. They (christians) take you more than any other sect and brainwash you into thinking the way they do.. Ever noticed how christians (not all but most) never want you reading or studying other religions? They also only want you reading the "bible" in a way that supports their way of looking at things.. I have read their so called bible 5 or 6 times all the way through and never noticed all the flaws until the last time when I read it for what it really is just a book a great work of fiction..

I started my study of other religions much the way others do that are christian and want to find out who the truly are I went totally the other way I read The Satanic Bible I agree with many of the views of Satanism but not all, and if you read more of Antons books you realize that he is just a conservitive atheist who wanted to shock christians, even his wife Blanche Barton has said Satanism is mostly just a big joke..

I have studied alot of religons and consider myself a Satanic Pagan Atheist with a few christian influances.. I darw my beliefs from all four of these belief systems.. Satanism I have found many truths in not the least of which is believing in yourself and you are your own person, Paganism because I do believe that there are Gods and more importantly Goddess's (not the least of which is you and yours), Atheism because in my veiw the so called god of the bible isn't real and never was he or it was an offshot of the Pagan belief system and he or it has never exsisted, The few christian beliefs that are still part of my beliefs have nothing to do with their god and more with the way I choose to live my life there are things in their book that have to do with heath and living a good life that can be learnd from and imlamented into any beliefs than any my hold dear..

So this is where I am and I am always growing and willing to learn more that will help me and those who I love..

Gary