Posted: 2/19/2008 at 03:29 PM
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I am reading Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose, or, perhaps I shall say, attempting to read. I understand the individual words, but the ideas and concepts put forth hurt my brain at times. However, every so often there's a nugget that strikes a chord and actually makes sense. In the second chapter, Tolle discusses how the body's physical appearance greatly contributes to an individual's identity and self-worth, and how many people "feel a diminished sense of self-worth because they perceive their body as ugly or imperfect". Similar to people with "good or near-perfect bodies" who equate it with who they are, people with "problematic" bodies can as easily turn their illness or disability into their identity. Tolle says, "You then unconsciously cling to the illness because it has become the most part of who you perceive yourself to be." This hit a nerve with me. Medical experts have labeled me as "functionally non-verbal". A label I never fully understood since I can speak; people only need to take the time to understand me. Once individuals master Glenda-ish, I can talk their ears off for hours. However, I confess I have clung to that label and have used "being non-verbal" as an easy way out, as a crutch. All through school and university, I was never expected to give a class presentation because, after all, I'm non-verbal. My identity began changing a few years ago when I was asked to speak at a day-long dialogue on accessibility. My initial thought was "But I am non-verbal, I can't do public speaking." Can't is a four-letter word to me, so I quickly turned my focus to how I could possibly do this. After some thought, I figured I could use a text-to-speech software on my laptop to present my speech. The technology worked great and being heard for the first time was an amazing feeling! Since then I have given a few more presentations. And I am now working towards becoming a motivational presenter. I have morphed from being non-verbal to having a speech impairment, a label I have chosen for myself rather than accepting one imposed on me by others. Are labels or your identity limiting you? What changes are needed so that you may become all that you can be?
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Love this post. I used to approach the phone with dread but after discovering video relay and using my voice on a wireless phone, I've seen new possiblities open up.
Yes I very much believe that my identity is wrapped up in my disability. For years it limited me greatly. I didn't date because no one found me attractive (not that I'd ever asked anyone) and I felt I would be a burden to someone. Now that I have accepted my disabilities and become an activist I feel my identity is even more wrapped up in them. But I view this as a positive thing. I am singlehandedly changing society and I am proud of that. Still not dating, but a week and a half ago I talked to a cute guy I'd never met before. It's major progress.
Excellent post! Since I wasn't born with my disability I don't think of it as a definition for my life. I think that's a key difference for some.
I love that you became a presenter!
I call this a "mental block"...lol. I never thought I was "beautiful" because I was raised with a step-sister who looked like Brooke Shields twin. Family, friends, and the general community compared her looks to mine rather often and some very, VERY negative things were said about my looks...while people praised her beauty.
Somewhere in my early 30's, a waitress at the local cafe made a comment to me one morning. She said, "Ya' know, Ms. Jessie, you can always find something beautiful and perfect about everyone else...but I've always wanted to know what you think is beautiful and perfect about yourself?"
I sat there flabbergasted and speechless. I had opened my mouth to respond and realized I had nothing to say..lol. This drove me bonkers for days on end as I searched for something about myself that was "beautiful and perfect".
I was only looking for one thing and the size didn't matter. It could have been an eyelash for all I cared..lol. When I finally realized the answer had been staring me right in the face that day I had been in the cafe.
The one thing that was so blatantly obvious yet so easy to overlook..lol. It was my ability to see the beauty and perfection in others.
Now, I can list more qualities I find about myself that can be labeled as "beautiful and perfect". But, until that day, I had not really looked for them or even known they were there.
Since then, my self-esteem has grown greatly but I'm always careful not to let it reach into the darkness of arrogance.
I don't use what I see as "beautiful and perfect" to make another suffer but use them to help another see just how beautiful and perfect their own unique qualities are.
Since a complete stranger had helped me get past my "mental block" I promised myself that I would use that wonderful gift (knowledge)to help others get past theirs.
Oh, sorry, I didn't fully respond (having a rough night..lol). My response wasn't a disability in the traditional sense but it did limit me terribly. I did believe it was a major part of how I defined myself. Now I focus on the positive things, even with myself, instead of the negative (I'm not able to be...not able to do...etc., etc.) as I had once done.
And congrats to you! That is SO awesome. I loved the use of italics for the words 'being' and 'having'. Wonderful accomplishments, LTB!
I think they may have limited me in the past but as I've grown as a person I've found pride in the same labels that used to make me cringe....I wrote along a similiar line tonight regarding more physical labels. Great minds think alike:-)
I've enjoyed watching the metamorphosis in how I've viewed myself as I grew older. I was always keenly aware of how I differed from other children when I was young. It is hard to ignore when you are growing up with your disability and you experience the ups and downs of "good days" and "bad days". Regardless of my awareness of being different, I still tried everything I could, and still searched out ways to be independent. The teenage years are difficult because I wasn't having the same experiences as the other girls. I was having surgeries, I experienced crushes, but I wasn't dating, I wasn't watching my weight the way I knew I should, so I fought it instead. But inside I still loved me and the girl I saw looking at me in the mirror. I wanted to understand where I fit in the world because I didn't yearn for a life without my disability. I just wanted to understand where my place as a girl with a disability was. I've changed so much since eighteen paved the way for my thirties. I love the woman I am, and my disability absolutely defines the way I look at me and my life. I've become more aware of how I refer to my disability and how others do as well. I want to reach out to the world and show them all the potential I am other people with disabilities have inside them. I want to educate people on disabilities and reach out to my own community and tell them to rise up and advocate for themselves and their community. I want the world to see that I am a woman with a disability and I am proud of it. I'm not a cripple, I am not handicapped, and I’m not brave or deserving of pity. I am a woman and I have a disability. So does my disability define me? Absolutely, it makes me proud of who I am, just the way I am.
Since my Stroke I find more time to use the computer & ck. out what is accessable for the disabled round the U.S.
Hey, I like that - "Can't is a 4-letter word to me". When I was growing up my mother did not allow me to say "I can't". Now I find that when I finally admit I can't do something, I find that usually within 3 days I will figure out another way of doing it. I see disability as an art, so that it defines me in a positive way. Others define me by my disability - some say I am in denial, but what I do works for me!
I am also reading Tolle's book - the "inner body" discussion on page 53 made me realize that I have to accept my muscular dystrophy instead of just fighting to stay well - it is a balancing act.
I wish you the best as a presenter!
Left Thumb Blogger's topic on Are You Defined By Your Disability , reminded me of conversations I've
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