I'm ok with dying young-ish

Jon and I went to see The Royal Scot Dragoon Guards and the Band of the Coldstream Guards on Wednesday. It was a lovely and unusual thing to see.They did a tribute to the United States in which they played each of the armed forces anthem. It was quite moving to see members and veterans of our different military branches stand when their anthem was played. I admit, I had tears running down my face. The concert was about an hour away so I had some time to think on the way home.

As we were just driving into Dallas I was thinking about my childhood in Dallas and how much I miss some of the people who were fixtures in our home. My godfather is one of those people. He married a woman who despises my mother; obviously, he had to make a choice and he understandably chose his wife. Unfortunately, that choice seems to have included me. It makes me sad and I've never stopped missing his presence in my life. His son, the man I consider my brother, just told me that Uncle Rodgees (as I always called him) has fibromyalgia and macular degeneration. He has to have shots in his eyes. That is my definition of pure hell. I'm not exaggerating.

It got me to thinking about what I would do if I had to have some sort eye surgery or procedure. Such a thing would probably not happen (if at all) until I was much older, even elderly. Both of my parents have had relatively good eye health but both have needed cataract surgery. When I was wandering down this path in my mind without hesitation I thought, I'll never live that long. This isn't a new thought but I realized instantly that I was ok with it. Rather than it making me anxious or scared or sad it was simply true and nothing more. I think this is an important step in my dealing with my diseases. While I will never just blandly accept degeneration and disease and give in to it, I know that recognizing the limitations of my body and life is acceptable.

There is always the possibility that I will live to a ripe, old age; it's a minute possibility, but it exists nonetheless. What does one say to that? Oh well? Better luck next time? No: It was fun while it lasted. And baby, I have had some serious fun in my day!

I'm listening to:
Soul Coughing