postatruth.com

For some reason, it took me a long time to become a regular reader of postsecret.com. Once I did, it became an addiction. I bought two of the books today to use in class and was reminded of the secrets I had considered sending in. I might still do it, but probably not. My secrets are boring and not worth anyone's time because I don't really believe in keeping secrets. Sure, there are things I don't tell everyone I know, but that's more for their comfort than my own. My secrets are nothing because I have seen how hard people fall when their secrets get out and betray them. I violated this personal creed for a few years by engaging in private forums where people said horrific things about the people who considered them friends; I am ashamed of being that person, even temporarily, now. That was never the person I wanted to be and engaging in that behavior was something I didn't think I would ever do. We were all taught (hopefully) that we should never trust a person who talks about their "friends" behind their backs; the extension of that lesson is to never be that person. Lesson learned. Now I know it won't happen again and I feel the old freedom of not having to keep secrets; my own or anyone else's.

Part of the reason I don't like secrets is because I know they can come back to hurt us if a malicious person ever learns them. If you take the control of the secret away from others it no longer has the power to cause you damage. Once it is no longer your shame, embarrassment, or pain it becomes a part of the world and it diffuses. I think that is why postsecret is so successful and why people send in so many secrets. If they had not kept the secrets in the first place they may have led happier lives. I half think someone should start a website where people don't just post their secrets, but own them. The anonymity we face online and in our increasingly anonymous lives is forcing us to forget that our actions, our words will have consequences to others. If we are brave enough to face the things we've done, thought or said we might learn to be a better, less anonymous and heartless society. I think it is past time for that to happen.

With that in mind, here is one of my secrets:

I've let go of some big secrets on this blog and have garnered some negative attention in doing so. But the reality is, the letting go of secrets, the posting on this blog, all of it is what I do; everything else, from the nasty comments to the smirks in private is not about me. Not that we don't all have responsibility for our words, but there is a line that must be drawn between what is and what is imagined to be so. I can't tell you how freeing it was to finally let go of it all and know I didn't have to keep the secrets anymore; that I could tell them, not tell them, but I didn't have to lie by omission to the people who were savaged behind their backs. It makes me wonder why people burden others with their secrets. I once knew a man who had been friends with a man who was a 5? 6? time Jeopardy! winner. The man told my friend that he had killed the man who raped his girlfriend and had never been caught. What was the purpose of that? If it's true, he makes the other person a felon. If it is not true, he burdened my friend unnecessarily. I guess what I am getting at is the idea that if we act in a purposeful and considered way, secrets will never be an issue because we won't have anything to hide. If people do horrible things to us, that isn't about us. Everything else, the things we do and say, should not be things we have to hide. Seriously! ask yourself why you need to hide behind whatever it is you're hiding behind and then answer this question: Is it worth it?

Let's put all of that hard earned guilt to good use: Postsecret is asking us to support a suicide hotline that desperately needs financial support right now. For more information, here's the video:

I can't stress how important it is to support services for people who try to commit suicide. But more importantly, I can't come close to expressing the horror of having three police cruisers show up at your house when you've called to report an attempt. I honestly believe that if we had a more compassionate response as a society to people who try to commit suicide, from the moment it happens, then less people would try again. Unfortunately, people still judge others when they hear that someone has tried to kill themselves; as if that is the thing that is needed! Somehow, the action is the thing that deserves attention, not the reasons behind it. This thinking is so, so wrong and something we must change. Do your part: give to hopeline and have compassion for people who are struggling just to find the meaning in life we all take for granted. It's more important than you, I hope, know.


First picture credit

Secret picture credit (words were mine)