Needing Support

Hello again!

Well, I wish I was writing with "good" stuff, but I'm afraid I am going through a really difficult time right now and I am in need of a lot of support.  I have just tried another sleep aid which was worse than the first one (Amitriptyline), and I actually felt like I was dying on it.  Nortriptyline is a cousin of the Amitriptyline drug group, and it is the only thing, so far, that drs in Canada are willing to prescribe for people with Fibromyalgia, as they are non-addictive.  The Amitriptyline was causing me to feel sedated well into the day, no matter how early I took it the night before, but another Disaboom member told me she had better results with Nortriptyline, so I got a prescription last week from the dr and tried it.  Well, to say that any certain drug doesn't react the same in any two people is a horrible truth in this case!  It was so sedative, that even if I took it at 9pm, I still wasn't getting out of bed until almost 3pm, but the night was just a blur of high pain levels and dream sequences that were very disturbing!  I would wake up around 3pm finally, after a night of horror, up and down with restlessness, but too drugged to stay up for any length of time.  Needless to say, I did not sleep well on it and I am not taking it anymore.

When I woke up today, I felt like someone had sucked the life right out of me, and all I could do was look out at the lovely sunshine and wish that I could have been a part of this beautiful day somehow.  I have also been very depressed the last few weeks and isolated as a result, but today I actually felt like I was dying....no life in me and not a shred of energy to even care about it. 

I am happy to report that slowly, throughout the course of the evening, I am getting some energy back and actually made some supper for myself again.  So, I guess there is hope that I will still be here for awhile.  At 3pm this afternoon, I was really wondering about that.

I do want to take this opportunity to thank all of the members here who have been supporting and encouraging me through this tough time.  The caring people on this site are so wonderful and always there to offer whatever information, support, or encouragement you need, and they have been my lifeline through this dark time.  My dr is setting up an appointment with another psychiatrist for me, in the hopes of addressing the depression and maybe even offer me something for sleep that won't be so traumatic for me, but that all takes time, and I am pretty much on my own to struggle through until I can get there.  I do believe I am Bipolar and have not been properly diagnosed yet, so trying to keep my life stabilized with such extreme mood swings has been a living hell for me.  The dr has suggested trying a "mood stabilizer", which I was in agreement with, but haven't started on it yet as the pharmacy is working to get it covered under the provincial drug plan here.  Our drug plan for people on Disability Pension has been covering less and less medication over the last few years, and it is becoming ridiculous what they don't cover.  Hopefully, we will have that in place for next week, and I can go through another med adjustment, but I am very hopeful that this will be a good one.  I have a friend of my ex-husband's who has been on Lamotrigine for awhile now and he is feeling much better since starting on that.  Evidently, it has also been used to help prevent migraine attacks, so maybe I'll be able to kill two birds with one stone on that one! LOL

I do apologize for barely keeping up with the posts lately, but with such a lack of energy, even being on the computer was too much for me.  I am hoping to reunite with everyone starting tomorrow, which I know will help to encourage me in my struggle again.  I do get renewed faith and renewed hope when I connect to people on Disaboom who understand and who don't judge me for being so screwed up! 

I have said it many times and I am saying it again....Thank God for Disaboom!  I have made a few good friends and a lot of acquaintances on this site, and being as isolated as I am, it has been a lifesaver for me. 

I encourage anyone who is new to Disaboom to keep posting how you are doing and describing your struggles for us routinely.  There is always someone here that will listen and respond with what you need, and that in itself is so important for our mental and spiritual health. 

God bless you all and thank you for being there.

Gentle hugs,

Maggie