Springtime & Lawn Mowing

It seems most everyone loves the springtime.  And what's not to love?  The bright sunshine and warmer weather signal the coming of sun dresses, halter tops and other, more revealing attire.

Aside from providing eye-candy for my inner chauvinist pig, the spring also marks the return of an activity I love and look forward to all winter: mowing the grass.

After I broke my back, mowing the grass was one of the first things I found I could do in which I felt "normal".  My mower had a hydrostatic transmission and didn't need any modifications to be operable for me.  Once I figured out how to position my feet, it was just a matter of power-lifting my fat ass up on to the thing.  And away I went.

What I love best about mowing is that it's a mindless mindful activity.  Allocate enough of your brain to not hit anything in front of you, and the rest of your mind is free to roam.  It's like driving, but with lower stakes, a better aroma and no assholes to cut you off.

My home rests on 5 acres, with about 3 1/2 of it needing to be mowed every one to two weeks.  The land's mostly flat - I am in Indiana - and the yard is long so I get to make nice, long lines.  Each session gives me three to four good hours of "me time" while tooling around on my tractor.

The fun part is out back.  Most of my yard is only viewable to me and the airplanes above, so sometimes I like to carve out drawings for them.  My Lawn Art portfolio includes a 160-foot wide smiley face, my signature in 30-foot letters and an approximate White Sox logo.  And why not?  It's my yard.

As much as I love mowing the grass, what I really love is mowing the grass after smoking a joint.  Talk about a free mind frolicking in a wind-blown prairie.  Whew!  All my stress and frustration evaporates.  (Before anyone chides, chastises or otherwise berates me for operating machinery after having smoked a joint, please consider the following equation:  1 I'm not incompetent + 2 I'll do as I damn well please = 3 Fuck Off.)

The time just flies.  And all that vacant-minded musing doesn't go to waste.  I've taken to bringing a pad of paper and pen along, then stopping whenever inspiration hits or a good one-liner flits through my brain.  A good example is my Mind-Your-Own-Business equation in the previous paragraph - that's 100% THC-assisted lawn mowing blog material. 

To top it all off, high or not, the time spent is productive.  My lawn looks great, my skin gets some sun, and I feel recharged and a bit proud of the whole endeavor.  Plus you might get a few entertaining lines out of it, so everyone wins!

Now, if I could just find a way to incorporate some of those beautiful ladies in their springtime sun dresses into my lawn mowing...