Stop Speeding

"Slow down, you're gonna get a ticket!"

"You know there's a speed limit around here!"

"Whoa!  Speed demon, comin' though!"

Are these the comments I get when I tear ass through my nearby school zone at recess time every Tuesday in my Ferrari jalopy?  Perhaps, but I'm usually well out of hearing distance before they're even able to react to my haphazard Top Gun "buzzing the tower" tributes to know for sure.  Besides, I doubt they appreciate cinematic excellence as much as I do, judging by the myriad middle fingers in my rearview mirror.

And this isn't like high school, when a buddy of mine's mother said of my driving habits, "He's a speed demon from Hell!"  That was a badge of honor.

No, these are the witty remarks spat at me by complete strangers as I go about my business in my wheelchair. 

If these people were original, that would be one thing.  For instance, one guy skipped right past the speed limit jokes, and went straight for advocating speed bumps in the food court.  Now that made me laugh.  Unfortunately, most people just aren't that creative on the fly.

What really bugs me is that I only get these when I'm by myself.  My natural pushing speed is much faster than the average person's walk, so when I'm out with someone I regulate my speed to match theirs (Damn able-bodied folk, holdin' me back!).  Since I'm no longer "speeding", my companions never hear those comments.

The result is my friends think I'm fucking nuts.  I've heard them discuss it:

"Steve was going off about people making jokes about his speeding again."

"Yeah, I heard him.  Have you ever heard anyone say anything like that to him?"

"No, never."

"I don't know, man.  I'm worried about him."

"Maybe he was just stoned."

"Maybe...or maybe he's just fucking nuts."

See?  I told you.


Speaking of fucking nuts...