Posted: 9/20/2007 at 12:07 PM
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Ok, I'll say it once again: "I'm Really Not a Wheelchair-Type of Person."
You see, I've found this totally ludicrous statement to work like a charm nearly everytime I spew it from my mouth. When I meet amiable, yet (unfortunately) ignorant, able-bodied folks, it's the only way I can get it through their thick "sterotypical layered skulls" that I'm just as "normal" as they are. And of course, after I say this statement, I go into my injury story: "Yadda, yadda, I dove into shallow water, broke my neck, yadda, yadda, drowned, yadda."
And then, after this bizarre conversation (if you can even call it that. It feels more like being grilled by the Spanish Inquizition), they begin (at least from what I can observe) to treat me un-alien like; a complete 360 degree turnaround from what they were doing just a few minutes ago.
It makes my soul cry everytime I feel the need to say this statement; especially when I see that it works. I have to be honest here; it simply lowers my faith in humanity. Just when you think society as a whole is beginning to see the "person" and not the disability, your hopes get shot down like a fake rabbit in a carnival shooting range.
But desperate times call for desperate measures; and I've found that this desperation, the feeling of wanting to prove I'm just like everyone else, really hits me hardcore when I meet my boyfriend's family or friends. If I truly care about someone, i.e., my boyfriend, I really want the other people who are important in his life to see me as a positive addition, not some "cripple" who's dragging him down. This is without a doubt my worst fear, my worst my anxiety.
I'll go out dancing and clubbing (with my versatile elevator-seat - great for bars - power chair), I'll throw out the f-bomb just for shock value, I'll subtely mention I can still drive, still have sex, still have babies, etc, all to cue them into the fact they, "Hey! I'm really not a wheelchair-type of person!"
Now, between you and me, we both know that no one is really a "wheelchair-type" of person. We're all humans; plain and simple. There are just a lot of idiots out there who need the dumbest statement thrown down at them, so maybe, just maybe, they'll finally get it.
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great post, Tiffiny. You conclusion was especially powerful:
"We're all humans; plain and simple. There are just a lot of idiots out there who need the dumbest statement thrown down at them, so maybe, just maybe, they'll finally get it."
tim,
thanks a lot! i really appreciate your feedback :)
sometimes the truth can be the most powerful statement.
- tiff
hi tiff, nice meeting you!
debbie,
likewise!
Do you find people treat you differently if they find out you were injured (because they can identify with that), rather than having a condition you were born with?
Forgive me if this a presumptuous question.
attila,
yeah i think they do, but i cant be sure because i dont know whats its like to have born w/ a disability...
I, like Tim, like your conclusion. Great way to wrap up a thought-provoking post.
I have no idea what it's like to have a pre-existing condition. I was injured at 22 so I was socialized as an able-bodied person during that time.
In general. I hate, hate, HATE questions about walking & sex. That's the #1 question able-bodied people seem to be curious about. And how I was injured.
It's. so. tiresome.
Most people don't know any wheelchair users. Only what they see in pop culture. It's just a stereotype. Like when I dated my ex, a mexican-american for 7 years. When mentioning his ethnicity, in the same breath, I'd say "He's 6'2 & Theatre major." not a gardener.
My best friend is gay. And I always mention that he's the most homophobic man I know, & people who meet him think he's not really gay.
It's the fun of being a minority.
I went to huge show last month @ a huge theater & there were some sad, sad wheelchair users. With blankets in transport chairs.
jay,
oh how i hate it when chair-users put blankets over their laps! it reminds me of that end character in the rocky horror picture show!
How is uttering "I'm Really Not a Wheelchair-Type of Person" anything more than reinforcing and perpetuating negative stereotypes about disability? Perhaps having been a crip from birth, I don't have the sensitivity toward or understanding of well meaning ablism that someone with an acquired disability has. However, I have a hard time imagining Justin Dart -- who also was born "normal" -- ever uttering these words, no matter what was at stake. I don't know you and really don't want to offend you, but I think it is important for oppressed people to have pride in who they are. I think it is important for us to break stereotypes through our actions rather than through denying our identity. I think fighting oppressive discrimination is 1% political change and 99% living your life with pride. Would Dr. Martin Luther King ever say "i am not REALLY a black man" to get through to a racist?
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