Posted: 11/10/2007 at 10:29 PM
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Over the last several years of my life I've run into the same thing with all of my boyfriends: My family doesn't seem to like anyone I bring home. Like WTF? Do I just make really crappy choices with my boyfriends or is my family uber-judgemental? I have no clue. Maybe one of my beloved Disaboomers will be my 3rd person perspective and give me their opinion? Pretty please? :) I'm at a loss. I just don't know what to do.
It's no secret to me at least in one aspect; I know my family is really close-minded. They're Republicans who live in the suburbs and feel threatened by anyone who thinks or acts differently than them. And all of my boyfriends tend to be hippie Democratic liberals. They hate anyone I bring home. But...what it REALLY boils down to however is that they don't trust them because their dear daughter is "severely" disabled. They think that any guy who wants to seriously date me must have an angle, an ulterior motive; in other words, they're out to use me they think. And it's infuriating me to no end. What can I do to change their minds? There's no way I'll be walking anytime soon, so my options are slim.
I do know one thing that works though. Over time, the longer my boyfriend stays with me the "longevity factor" weighs in. "If he's with her for a year, he must be at least SOMEWHAT dedicated to her," they think. So at least I have time on my side. I tell my boyfriends this, and in some rare cases my parents have grown to like a few of my boyfriends, but it's not common enough to make my dating life satisfactory.
Got any ideas, friends? I'm desperate :)
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I think your karma attracts people to you. You are very pro-active in what you are able to do, and that includes love too. How can that be a bad thing? I always say it boils down to quality or quantity. I feel fortunate that my life has been both, I feel like I'm eating dessert all the time.
I can totally relate Tiffiny! It is definitely frustrating and can make you doubt even yourself. Longevity does seem to work but it doesn't seem fair:-( especially if you have any siblings where the difference in how your parents treat their boyfriends/girlfriends is blaringly obvious---ughh...I WISH I could give some advice-all I can do it say I TOTALLY feel your pain!
hey sweetie, i think the older you get, and become your own the easier it will be. if you are confident and secure in your relationship, and your family sees that, the less they might make judgement on you. maybe you should tell them in a nice way that you are an adult and they have to repect your choices. good luck xoxo
Tiffiny:
I went through the same thing. I just went on with my life. You have to look for someone who suits you. That's what I did. I have found a wonderful man who loves me and has acceted me for who I am and the condition I'm in from the moment we met. He is very outspoken and believe me I waited over 30 years to find a man like him. My parents hated everyone I brought through their doors. But, my family loves this man as do I. So don't give up. As the saying goes ,"There is someone out there for everyone." I wish you love, laughter and happiness on your journey. Sharon
ah yes, i totally get the same thing except in my mom's head, level of education seems to weigh into the equation. like if the person i'm seeing is getting ready to go to stanford v. a person going to school locally, then they must know enough that they don't have some kind of weird ulterior motive like you said. strange people, i swear...
thx brk...i DO hope i eminate good karma :)
*hugs kara*
at least SOMEONE can relate to me :)
oh well...what can we do? day by day, right?
debbie,
good advice. ive told them countless times im an adult though, but they never seem to take me seriously :(
sherry,
so youre saying just ignore my family then?
stacey,
oooh...so your mom's an education snob, heh? :) funny stuff! my mom doesnt appreciate college at all; only money :(
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