Posted: 11/19/2007 at 07:05 PM
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It's not too uncommon to run into females with SCI who can still orgasm from sex, but they usually can only accomplish this through the beauteous (thank God we still have it) - G-Spot. I love my G-Spot! (I know....sounds funny), but seriously, if it wasn't for my G-Spot, sexual release on my end would be next to impossible. Here's where the necessity of working hip-flexors comes into my life: My boyfriend/sexual partner simply MUST be able to move his hip-flexor muscles. If he can't move them (because with my C6 injury I can't move mine), intercourse is impossible. One partner must have a set of working hip-flexors for (as Borat would say) animalistic "sexy time," to occur. It's a sad, but true fact.
You see, it makes me sad because this necessity rules out dating a majority of the disabled guys out there. I dated two guys in my past who were both wheelchair-users (one had Spina Bifida, the other had some kind of contracted form of paralysis from a deer bite as a kid), and I discovered through these experiences that sex with them both was impossible. We tried and tried, experimenting with various positions, to no avail. I couldn't move my hips, and neither could they. We both wanted sex the "old-fashioned" way because both of us still got something out of it. So we decided to mutually break it off. Now, if neither of us were interested in sex the "animalistic" way, I'm sure things could have worked out. But we were human, and with that said, we had to face the music. It's best to find a partner who can meet your needs long-term.
So...I unfortunately must look for a guy who can still move his hips. This doesn't mean that I won't date a guy with a disability, I just have certain mobility requirements tailored to my sexual needs. I guess I'm just a very sexual being. I know a lot of women who don't care about their partner's ability to satisfy them as much as I do. For a lot of women, receiving oral and playing with toys with their partner is enough for them. But for me, sex is a very mental AND visual thing. Seeing the man above me as we're in bed together is a very important "mental orgasm" factor for me, for example. I'd date a deaf or blind guy, a guy with minor CP, a guy with really low L-level paralysis, or even an amputee for that matter.
I wish it wasn't this way. It'd be immensely cool to date a guy with the same injury level as me because he'd know exactly what I go through on a day-to-day basis, but for practical reasons, that would be much too hard...
Sometimes, we simply must be choosy for practicality reasons.
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my most recent ex was a quad and we had to experiment quite a bit to get it right... practical problems were solved vis a vis my hip flexing talents, but alas, our incompatibility ran oh so much deeper...
LOL philosopher! love this line: "but alas, our incompatibility ran oh so much deeper than her g-spot..."
i tried deleting your second comment, but disaboom's blogging template is broken at the moment. oh well...
- tiff
It's been my experience that a sci guy, even with a fairly high level injury can learn to work well from above. By staying healthy, staying strong and by not giving up on desire men and women with sci can function as fully as anyone. Other than not being able to grab a quickie standing up in the shower, I can't imagine my sex life being any better. I always play full court.
I would encourage anyone with sci who wants improved sexual abilities to stay as healthy as possible, work on range of motion, strength and balance. Never accept anything less than what you desire from your partners or from yourself.
Thanks for your openness Tiff. I think far too many just forget about the animal within....don't feel worthy..or just can't see the possibilities.
rehab guy,
what level are you then, and how do u thrust, if you dont mind me asking? :)
My level is c7. How do I thrust? Quite well I'm told. But seriously folks...
The human body is a wonderful thing. Once I decided I didn't want to be a passive participant in any part of my life, including and especially sex, I framed my workouts with a focus on using my entire body, even those parts not directly connected to my brain. Working on the mat, I learned to position my self well enough to get things started and my body takes over for itself. I really think Any guy who can do a push-up at the knee can accomplish this.
I've found that by properly managing, not eliminating, spasticity and by not accepting prescribed limitations I am able to fuction more than adequately.
This is sort of simplified and a lot of work went into my abilities but the key is in the "wanna" factor. I think we should all allow ourselves to want things that lie outside of what the docs and therapists tell us are possible. When we do that world opens up to us.
so what are u saying exactly, rehab? you got your hip flexors to work again? im confused...your reply was a bit cryptic ;)
tiff
like most of my body below c7, my hip flexors do spasm. The trick is in learning to control that. I've built my arms shoulders and some of my lats. I am strong enough to get into position and get things started. At a certain point reflexes become helpful. It's important to remember that even a paralyzed body wants sex. I say let it have it!
I know this is a little confusing. It's not meant to be cryptic. It's about shifting from brain body to mind body and realizing the potential.
The same set of reflexes that allow me to have and erection and to ejaculate apply to the entire body. Why not use them. I keep the use of medications that might get in the way to a minimum and do everything I can to stay healthy keep my weight down etc. I refuse to be limited by a set of diagnostic norms.
I thanked you earlier tiff for your openness here because I think this is important stuff. I do hope others will be open to there own potentials...in all things including sexuality.
wow-that's cool...capitalizing on spasms. Now in the OI world, this would translate to capitalizing on fractures for the benefit of our sex life....hmm...I'll have to think on that one!
thx for the explanation rehab! very interesting.
just to let u know that it is not just in the hips there is more to i am in a wheel chair
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