Posted: 12/17/2007 at 07:58 PM
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Going downtown to shop in my city is always a risk: You risk running into crazies who think they know everything about your life and disability. And I absolutely hate this. Nobody knows anything more about my disability, than myself, except for maybe the best SCI physiatrist in the country. No one else! Nadie!
So, whilst perusing the soup aisle at the two-story Target today, (yes, we have a hella fancy Target) some lady offered to help me grab a can of soup. Ok, fair enough. "I'll take your help," I thought to myself, and I told her she could help me. "Maybe she needs an ego-boost, or maybe she wants to do her 'good deed' for the day," I wondered. So I let her use me to get to that happy place she was obviously seeking. I'm cool like that, see?
After the helped me get a can of Cream of Mushroom soup for this homemade pot-pie I was making, she said under her breath, "My daughter got shot in the head;" her eyes were averted, looking down at the scuffed, tiled floor. I answered, "Oh, I'm sorry." I mean, what do you say to that? She was beginning to register on the "crazy-lady" scale. No need to ask further questions. But no, she had to continue with her crazy-talk...there was no where to run either. It was 12 noon and all the lunch-folk were out strong in the store. Packed aisles.
She continued her babbling, telling me her daughter had survived and that she was "just like me." "Just like me!?" I thought. "How can she be just like me, a C5-6 quad, if she got shot in the head??" A brain injury that causes paralysis is very different from an injury to the spinal cord. But, I looked her up and down. She looked poor, simple, uneducated. I don't think she knew any better. So I held my tongue. No need to lash out at stupid people (Or is there a need? Still haven't decided).
I guess to the average person I must look pretty messed-up and disabled. That's my conclusion of the day. Well, at least to people who don't know better I guess :/
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I can understand your frustration with the "all crips look alike" phenomenom. This is really common in the dwarfism community too. LPs that live in the same city are often confused for each other. Usually, they look NOTHING alike and in some cases are even different genders!!!
However, I am curious to know more about the important differences between you and this woman's daughter. Not, the medical ones, but the lifestyle ones. Did her daughter have the opportunity to get a good education? Did she have the resources to live independently or was she in a nursing home? Did she have a social life to speak of?
My point is: maybe she didn't REALLY think you were like her daughter, but what like her daughter might have been in other circumstances?
I dunno, maybe I am just rambling about nothing.
Good call Tiff. No need I think to lash out this time. Just a lady needing to let out a little pain or like PC says find a little hope in the pretty face of an active woman with a disability. Letting her go on was an active of patient kindness.
Oh and what's with the food. Always with the food. Pasta, meatloaf, pot pie...Every time I check you out, I end up hungry!
crip, i think she just say the chair and instantly connected us purely based on that. *shrug*
lol! sorry rehab :) what can i say, food and cooking are my hobby!
wow, that's a great story! I burst out laughing when I imagined some poor simple lady with a can of cream of mushroom soup her hand whispering about how her daughter had just been shot in the head. Humorous macabre surrealism... :) maybe it's not funny, but you wrote it well.
thanks tim! it def felt like i was in a SNL skit.
My experiences at the grocery store (click here & here ) are nothing like Tiff's (click here
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