Posted: 1/23/2008 at 04:44 PM
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As I laid in bed last night with my ever-so-hunky boyfriend, my paranoia regarding being left for an able-bodied woman started to creep into my state of mind. This happens to me every once in awhile, and particularly seems to happen when a cute able-bodied chick throws herself at my man (what can I say? He's a looker). I don't like it. I hate it in fact. It drives me to the edge of sanity. I have fantasies of ripping out their Jugulars.
The reasonable, sane part of me knows that disability or not, I'd still be wanting to rip out these girls' Jugulars. No woman likes it when another woman tries to steal her man, even if it's an online I-don't-really-even-know-you attempt. So when all of the "other women who are hunting you down" anxiety went down last night, I asked my boyfriend for some simple reassurance that he doesn't care about my inability to walk. That my charm, beauty, and wit outweigh any disabilities I may have...
He looked at me exasperated with a smirk on his face. "Isn't me being here enough proof that you're disability doesn't mean a thing to me?" he asked. I shrugged. Unsure of what I thought. Sometimes just being there isn't enough, no matter what anyone says. I'm a woman and that means I need my man to verbalize how he feels every once in awhile. I think that need as a female is ingrained in us. We can't shrug it off, no matter how much it drives our men nuts. We need to hear it!
He asked me what to say. The worst thing to ask in this situation. Ask any woman. "If I tell you what to say then it isn't genuine!" I mockingly whined. He laughed. Okay, this wasn't helping. "Alright. Say, 'I love you for you and your disability has never, nor never will, bother me," (a unrealistic promise to tell any SCI girl, I know, but I just wanted to hear it).
So he recited those words to me, gave me a kiss, and I magically began to feel better. Simple as that. We then focused out attention to more important things, like The Colbert Report.
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Sheesh! Men! Give him a bop on the head from me for pulling the old, "Isn't my being here enough?" card. That one is overdone and probably has been since humans lived in caves. Dear Abby (not that I read her much, I'm a Dan Savage fan) had a touching letter once from a man who said something along the lines of, "I'm writing in response to the woman whose husband doesn't say 'I love you.' I said 'I love you' to my wife the day we were married, and I just supposed she knew that was still the case, and that I'd tell her if it changed. She passed away suddenly last year, and now I tell her I love her every day. Remind your readers to tell their loved ones how much they care, whether they should already know it or not." It made me all weepy and girly.
A little insight Tiff. We need to be trained. If it weren't for women we men would spend our lives searching for food and throwing crap at each other from trees. We need to be told, and more than just once what women need. It isn't fair I know but I think in the long hall you'll find it worth while. You're a beautiful woman Tiff; Not because of, or in-spite of, but regardless of your disability. If your guy is worthy of you there will be those who want a piece of him. Remember your value, train him properly (he'll appreciate it in the end) and by a taser for the ones who get too close....Or at least take a moment to imagine them twitching,,,It's fun!
Oh, can I identify. Doesn't help that Wayward Boy, who is mentally ill, keeps running away and getting in new relationships. Usually with women who are slime, but that doesn't make me feel better. You gave me up for that? My usual reaction is wanting to slam my power chair into their legs and break their kneecaps! Good thing I don't drive. Hang in there and enjoy your hunk.
hi tiff, it's like asking for a birthday present, or a surprise, it just aint right when you gota ask! it makes you think they're saying it to appease you instead of from their heart. hopefully it'l sink in when if he thinks about the conversation [weeks later] and make it up to you. :) xoxo
thanks everyone for youre words of support :)
you can't tell me that there aren't boys throwing themselves at you once in a while too. i think this must just be how all relationships work. we all have insecurities and need to know we are loved. the crippiness definitely complicates it, but i think this is pretty common among both men and women.
Us guys are verberal in actions. We buy you things like flowers, a house, sexy lingerie, etc. The good men go to work, pay the bills and try to be good providers. All these things, to us, are our way of telling you chicks we love you. As for words, well,..... we just ain't be good wit words.
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