Tiffiny

Basted Eggs Are Full of Eggy Win

2008-11-21T16:10:00Z

What's your favorite style of eggs? Sunnyside up, scrambled, fried, poached, or the best way, basted? :) You know have a favorite. So spill it! Eggs are a great economic-crisis friendly food anywhos. Cheap AND tasty. So let's talk eggs!

Basted eggs are by far my favorite way to eat an egg (with a little salt and a lot of pepper on top). You melt a little bit of butter in a pan over medium heat, then put in two eggs (the perfect amount), then add a spoonful of water, then cover tightly and cook for EXACTLY two minutes (you're steaming them). Isn't water great? Anyways, when you're done, you'll have the perfect egg for dipping toast in: A thin, white skin on top, with the inside full of tasty, runny egg. Breaking throught the skin with a piece of hot buttered toast is the best part too :)

My mom raised me on basted eggs, see. And in my early teens she taught me how to cook them. I never perfected the timing of the cooking of them however. I'd always leave them covered too long and end up with hard yolks. Not exactly what I was looking for. So last night I finally got smart and Googled "how to baste an egg." Why in the hell hadn't I thought of this before is beyond me, but that's besides the point. At least I finally did it and found my answer: 2 minutes. w00t!

There's one problem though: Taking the cover back off the eggs. With my paraylzed hands, it's not that easy. In fact, it's near dangerous. Hot steam is one of the leading causes of kitchen burns. I need to figure out an easier way to remove the cover without it flying across the counter into the kitchen sink. When I remove the cover I have to use a fork to put under the top's handle and then precariously pull it off. Not easy with no tricep movement. The good news is that I know there's a way to figure it out. I just haven't found the answer yet. Some kind of uber-large handled top will probably be the solution I'm guessing...

Thoughts? Ideas? Comments?

I'm Attracting More Crazies!

2008-11-19T18:40:58Z

I know I've blogged about this subject before, but it's worth mentioning again because it's so goddamned annoying. The subject: What is it about my wheelchair that attracts all the crazies?!

Now in the "crazies" defense, I'm aware that my wheelchair puts me in the particular life-experience group that gives me a broader/more sympathetic outlook on people. It's true. After years of being disabled, you learn a lot about humanity and what makes people tick. And what's the biggest lesson I've learned? Most people are cruel. It's true, and to be even more honest, I hate typing this down because I'm afraid it'll pin me as a cynical cripple, but I'm all about honesty, people. What's the point of blogging if you can't use this amazing format for some good use?

How are cruel people and "crazies" connected? Well, the crazies are used to being treated like utter shit by most of society. They're either ignored, ridiculed, or worse (if anything is worse than those two things). But at the end of the day, crazy people need love and acceptance too. And that's why they come to me. They think I'll be their friend, date them, or even have sex with them. To sum up, not only do they think I'm nicer because of my disability, they think I'm desperate. A wheelchair MUST make me desperate for love and affection too, right?

Ummm yeah, wrong.

I wish these folks would consider the fact that I may just be a heinous bitch, who's just as mean as everyone else walking down the street. I'm not, but I could be, and if they considered that they'd at least be expressing the ability to stop pigeon-holing people with disabilities. That'd make me pleased as punch.

So, to the crazy guy with one leg who met me at a concert last week and wants to "do" me, please, leave me alone. I've got a man, and despite what Positive K may say, he's got everything to do with you.

I Absolutely Hate It When People Feel Sorry For Me (beware, rant)

2008-11-17T16:17:00Z

Today I'm going to use my blog on Disaboom as a ranting tool. I'm warning you now, just in case you aren't in the mood to hear some crippled chick bitch about people feeling sorry for her behind her back. Here goes nothing.

Today a friend/worker of mine told me a story. The story was about her being interviewed by a possible new housemate, in hopes that she'll be able to rent one of their rooms in this big old Victorian house. Like most interviews in this vein, the person conducting the interview asked her what she did for a living. She explained to him that she was a PCA for a woman with a spinal cord injury. He was instantly intruiged by not only her job, but by me to be more specific.

He began grilling her about me: "How was I injured?" "What was I like?" He wanted to know everything. She told him enough to satiate his curiosity, but when she told him I got hurt from a diving accident, his interest in me went from pure, innocent curiosity to overwhelming sympathy. He felt ridiculously sorry for me. And when my PCA told me this part of their conversation, she said that SHE TOO was annoyed by the pity he was showing. She decided to tell him off.

Here's what she said: "You know, you really shouldn't feel sorry for her. She does more fun things than most people I know. It's really not as hellish as you're assuming." After she semi-told him off, he looked at her a bit dumbfounded, not knowing what to say. So, after that awkward conversation, he wrapped-up the interview and sent her on her way. She now has this gut-feeling that because of her standing-up for me, he was a bit put off and won't give her the room now.

Whatever ends up happening, I feel both equally guilty and proud of her for what she did. I know when she started working for me months ago, she never would've had the life experiences that would've forced her to say such a thing. She's really matured, and now (partially at least) can see life from a different perspective.

Being paralyzed isn't easy or fun, but along the way, if I can help (just by example) people to realize that pity shouldn't be readily doled out, I truly feel my injury hasn't been an entire waste of time.

Dealing with Stares Like a Rockstar

2008-11-14T16:26:00Z

What's the best, most concise way in your opinion to deal with people who stare at you? We all get it a lot....you know. "Us" people who use wheeled chairs to traverese this rocky earth instead of legs (What can I say? We're lazy). But of course most humans aren't used to this, so it's bound we'll get stared at (and a lot).

The country you reside in greatly determines the amount of stares you receive however. I've heard it's the worst in places like China and Japan. Since they're so xenophobic of ANYONE different (whites, blacks, people with tans...kidding), you're considered a circus freak if you're at all different. And over there, it's not considered rude to stare either. Can you imagine how horrible that is? I feel sorry for the disabled people who have to live there for sure. Anyways, back to the good 'ol "ever-changing" USA. At least we try to make things better here, and at least most people know the 10-second rule.

And what's the 10-second rule? To put it succinctly, it means it's ok to gaze, even stare....but anything longer than 10 seconds? Well, you mine as well tattoo "I'm a rude a**hole" on your forehead. Because that's what you are. And when people do stare that long, what do you do (if anything)? Do you just roll away, dejected, with your head down? Or do you stand up for yourself and say what needs to be said?

It probably comes as no surprise to find out that I usually say something (evil grin). My best phrase to rude stare-mongers is this, "You think I'm fascinating to stare at now. Can you imagine if I was naked now too? Crazy huh?" I had to say this to an idiot of a man at a gas station many years ago. After my AWESOME phrase burst forth from my mouth, he scuffled away so quickly it almost turned into a jog.

Yeah, I felt pretty good about myself after that.

Streaming Videos and a Laptop Rock My World

2008-11-12T13:54:00Z

I don't know about you guys, but I believe that technology has been a huge boon for me in the past couple years. I mean, just look at yourself now: You're reading my blog online. Quite cool, as well as informational, no? :) Earlier this year I upgraded my many years old Dell laptop and OMG has it been a humungous boon to my life.

Now if I wake up in the middle of the night, all I have to do is pull my laptop over to me, put it on my lap, turn it on, and I'm off, off, and away. It's almost a bit magical in a way, the way the world wide web connects me to the world. Maybe even a bit scary. But not scary enough to dissuade me from using it; no siree. With illegal downloaders over the years putting TV shows and movies online, they've finally forced the networks to post their episodes online themselves so they can *at least* have control of them. And for end-users like me? I win big time.

Lately, NBC.com has been getting a lot of IP hits from yours truly. I go on there at least a few times a week and watch "Kath & Kim," "Crusoe," and "Heroes." Sure, the program has to pause every once in away for a 20 or 30 second Sprint commercial, but otherwise (if you have a great DSL connection that is) it's pretty much some of the coolest technology to break on the scene in the past couple years. I'm absolutely in love with these online streaming TV shows.

With me stuck in bed, at least (AT LEAST) I'm alive in a period of human existence when laptops and online, on-demand TV exists. Throw in a bowl of buttery popcorn and a naked Adrian Brody, and I seriously could care less about being paralyzed. Serious.

Rolling over graves

2008-11-10T19:37:00Z

On a gloomy Friday afternoon last week, a friend and I trekked to a tiny cemetery in the middle of nowhere; up in northern Wisconsin. We were visiting her grandpa's grave. He died relatively young at the age of 66 and was shot and killed in a hunting accident in 2005. Anyways, my friend and I were up in the area for a hotel party, and since we were close to her grandpa's grave, I offered to drive her to it.

I'll start by saying I'm not a huge fan of cemeteries. Like most sane human beings, I'm afraid of death. Who isn't except suicidal maniacs and Anne Rice? I usually avoid them if I can. I haven't even visited my best friend's grave since she passed away in 2005. BUT, out of love for my friend, I agreed to the cemetery drive/visit.

Maybe it was the beautiful desolation of the woods, maybe it was the lack of civilization anywhere nearby, or maybe I'm just growing up, but visiting the cemetery last week was incredibly sublime and peaceful. I felt invigorated after leaving. Maybe being surrounded by dead bodies made me feel lucky (once again) for still being alive? Who knows. Whatever the case, I really enjoyed myself.

As a powerchair user though, one of the things that freaks me out (a bit) is driving over the freshly tilled soil, where an obvious casket has been laid to rest. I feel guilty driving over the said person's gravesite. It feel like I'm disrespecting them or something. And am I the only one who feels this way? Even though the grass was super slick due to the melting snowflakes on the ground, I carefully manuvered my way AROUND the human-size lumps of soil. After moseing around each headstone, I'd of course read it.

You're talking to a history dork, people. I absolutely love knowing the causes of death from people long, long ago. It's also fun trying to find the oldest grave in a cemetery. At the cemetery last week, the oldest grave we found was of a woman who was born in 1856 and died in 1910. No cause of death was listed, unfortunately.

I think I just may start visiting more cemeteries.

Someone invented a gadget for me!

2008-11-06T17:47:00Z

I was lucky enough to meet a pseudo-genius this past summer. He builds a lot of things. His specialty is with electronic gadgets though, but he builds a lot of other things too. In the pic I'm posting (to the left) you can see a light-switch box. What this box does is pretty bad ass.

It's a homemade desktop-based Wi-Fi resetter. How awesome right?! I don't know about you other disabled folks out there, but my WiFi box sits on the top of my desktop PC, and is completely out of my reach (and unmoveable). For years, in order to reset my WiFi (after my signal for whatever reason went down), I'd have to wait for my night PCA to come so she could reset it. It was one of the biggest annoyances in my life.

I'd have to steal a neighbor's WiFi signal, which was always guaranteed to be slow, for the rest of the day. I hated that something so simple had to be so hard for me. But then again, that's just comes with the territory if you have a mobility disability. A LOT of things that should be easy aren't.

So, when I say I literally squealed in joy when my inventor friend brought this homemade WiFi resetter over to my house the other day, I don't need to tell you how happy it made me. Everytime I look at it I want to say, "I can haz technology!"

This said friend has also: Fixed my sunglasses using a pipe cleaner, fixed my quad key-turner by making these metal caps to go over the ends of the stripped screw holes, so I (or my PCA's) can more easily swap keys in or out if they break or whatever, and oiled my patio door so I can open it easier.

It is SO incredibly nice to know a guy with real, bonafide skills. Go me!

Voted early today

2008-11-03T22:10:00Z

After reading the Mayor of Minneapolis' Facebook post about how we could vote early today at Minneapolis City Hall, between 9am - 5pm, I decided I should just go down there and get it taken care of. Why not? The lines tomorrow could be horrendous and I could not even get to vote if the lines are too long, ya know? And THAT would bum me out for months.

So, my friend and I headed down there at 12 noon. The line was about 50 - 60 people deep. A bit long, but we were in no rush, so we got in line. Once in line, we grabbed an absentee ballot form, explaining to the government why we needed to vote early. I checked the "Illness/Disability" box, put down my name, address, then waited for a little over an hour. Once I got to the front of the line (eating a mini-bag of potato chips to stave off this mysterious dizziness I sometimes experience), I took out my ID and showed it to the government worker. After she took out my ballot, and going to the "Minneapolis voter" file cabinet and finding my name, and explaining to me how absentee voting works, I rolled on over to a voting booth.

There was only one booth left open and it was pretty high, so I utilized my chair's elevator seat to get up to the proper height. Man I love my chair's elevator seat! Anyways, lucky for me I always carry an EasyGrip black pen on me. That's what's required - a black pen - in order to fill-out your ballot. With my fingers the way they are it would've taken me twice the amount of time to fill out the approximately three dozen circles/choices if I had used one of their skinny pens. The first choice on my ballot was the much anticipated U.S. President choice. I seriously, as stupid as that sounds, got chills when I made my choice. I've been waiting for years for this day to come.

And then of course I went down the rest of my choices: U.S. Senate, referendums, 4th District Judges, and so on. It was a bit tiring for me actually, but I wanted to make my voice heard on every choice available. As I was voting, I noticed a middle-aged Somali man with clubbed feet voting at the booth next to me. He had his shoes off and was on his knees, barefoot, letting his knees rest on his shoes. "Only in the United States," I thought happily to myself. I then thought people must think the same thing about me when they see me pull up in my 300lb power chair to the voting booths too. *shrug*

Anyways, after voting I put my ballot in the provided yellow envelope, sealed it shut, then gave it to a voting booth worker, who then put it in another (white) envelope, which I had to sign and date. And alas *cry* I received NO "I Voted" sticker! Talk about a shame. They had none of those stickers on hand. And they didn't want to explain why either...

So, while voting early is NICE because you get it out of the way, here at least, you don't get the coveted sticker. I just found out I can buy some online though. I may just do that.

Not quite feeling the Halloween spirit this year

2008-10-31T17:37:00Z

I'm usually a huge fan of Halloween. Last year I went as a mermaid and went out bar hopping. The year before I went as "Pris" from Blade Runner. The year before that I went as Jessica Rabbit. But this year? Yeah, I'm just going as a girl in a wheelchair. I might put on some eyeline, but that's about it.

I blame my lack of Halloween spirit on the Election, and some other annoying work stresses that I really don't want to talk about. My mind is completely and utterly elsewhere. Elsewhere I say! I'm not too bummed about this turn of events though. I've lived through several Halloweens, have had plenty of wonderful costume experiences...I've been lucky. I could've let my spinal cord injury 15 years ago to make me overly parnoid and not to want to go out anymore. Thankfully God blessed me with a tough demeanor.

So tonight, if I do anything, I'll go to my friend's (accessible) apartment to help her celebrate her birthday. She's a really cool gal and isn't from here. She moved here from MO for school, and is seriously a dearheart. I'm actually bringing her to my mom's tomorrow for an early Thanksgiving dinner, to help her celebrate even further. God, turkey and stuffing sound so good right now. Screw Halloween and bring on the turkey! (and a Barack win)

How do you clean your house?

2008-10-29T15:33:00Z

We all know that cleaning house is more than a chore if you can't walk. Over the years, I've tried to overcome that challenge and have been somewhat successful, discovering some helpful tricks, like using a dust buster from my chair instead of a vaccum, using Swiffer handled-dusters (their lemon scent dustetrs are my fav. Citrus scents make you happy dontchaknow), and more.

But at the end of the day (or more appropriately at the end of a season), all I needed to do was sit back and take a long, hard look at my place to see that my cleaning capabilities weren't cutting it.

This is why I scoured the interwebz earlier this month for a local, reasonably-priced housecleaner. I got a quote from Merry Maids, and then a couple more from some Minnesota-based cleaning companies. All were quoting themselves right out of my budget.

But right before I gave up and resigned myself to living in filth, I ran across a woman on a blogging site who just started her own cleaning company after being let go from her job (this kind of stuff will be becoming more and more common with the recession we're in). She was charging $25/hour, at a minimum of 2 hours/visit. Not bad at all! In fact, she may just be the cheapest professional housecleaner in all of Minneapolis.

Needless to say she came and cleaned my place last week *grin*

Since I can do the light cleaning such as cleaning the kitchen and bathoom countertops and dusting, I had her do the badly needed heavy cleaning: Washing walls, cleaning the baseboards and appliances, and getting the dirt of out of the grout in my bathroom tile. She was here for 3 hours, and damn....does my place look a whole lot better.

I guess I should mention that I sometimes have my PCA's clean my place too. While that's ok, they're a) not professional cleaners and b) you really can't have them stay for a couple of extra hours to clean your grout. I mean, if you do this a lot, they'll eventually quit. I'm just sayin'...

How do you clean house?

Got carried into a house this weekend...

2008-10-27T17:30:00Z

Aaah, there's nothing like getting your immobile body carried around all evening by your boy. But hey, I'm not complaining. At least the guy I'm dating is stronger than any strong man you'd find at a carnival. No fear of being dropped, my friends. And that's full of win no matter how you look at it.

I went to a little get-together Saturday night at a new friend's house. Surprisingly, it was awesome. You know, I've gripped and complained many times before on my blog about avoiding social gathering at homes that aren't accessible. I just feel way too stuck and more disabled, if you catch my drift. I NEED my mobility and my 300lb powerchair does that for me. Same goes for sans-stair entrances. But I had a mini-revelation Saturday. If the company is right, being carried and stuck on a couch for several hours straight isn't that bad.

So what makes "good" company? Well, they have to be cool, non-judgmental, chill (opposite of high-strung), NOT WEIRDED OUT BY ME, and nice. It doesn't sound like much to ask for, but you'd be surprised. It's really hard to find. I can count the number of people I know on one hand who meet these qualifications; and surprise, surprise, none of them are extended family members.

These new friends could've honestly cared less that a C6 tetraplegic was carried up the stairs of their split-entry home. They have more important things to worry about, like McCain possibly winning the White House. And I like it this way. After all these years of being different, it's incredibly refreshing to be with people who aren't phased by my disability. I wish more people were like this.

Snow supposed to hit THIS Sunday!

2008-10-24T18:43:00Z

According to my local idiot weather dude (and yes, they're all idiots), we're supposed to get our first snowfall of the season sometime this Sunday afternoon. Our high temp is projected to not reach further than 42 degrees, and that my friends, is snow weather. It's hard to believe that by October 24th this time of year has already hit us, but it has. Best not live in denial. And a a wheelchair-user, what do you think my general opinion is of snow?

Go ahead, guess; really, what do you think? If it's nothing that accumulates, I'm ok with it. Sure, it makes driving more of a hassle (I use pneumatic hand controls so my wheels squeal much easier. Snow makes my tires slip 'n slide, and squeal; a lot), but in general does it impede me much? I don't think so. But when we get over a foot of snow and everything shuts down, then they get it plowed (but it remains under freezing for several months afterwards and the snow STAYS), do I like it? Hell no. I can't roll my ass anywhere. It's absolutely unsufferable. Curb cuts and sidewalks are literally blocked off from mid-December - March (at the earliest).

So after reading all of my moaning you're probably wondering why I stay in this state. Well, the answer is easy: Family, friends, and healthcare. Not only am I really close to my family and friends, but the MA program here is amazing. I get 8 hours of PCA care/day, all of my supplies paid for, perscriptions paid for, doctors visits paid for, and more. Minnesota is truly one of the best states for MA. With that said, and being as spoiled as I am, the only state I'd consider moving to would be either California or Massachussetts. I believe those are the only other states that provide similiar healthcare.

And to all of you who live in permanently sunny and warm climates, you suck.

Had my last adapted yoga class today. So sad!

2008-10-22T20:39:00Z

All awesome things must eventually come to an end. And sadly, that applies to my 6-week adapted yoga course I've been taking since early September. This afternoon was my last class, but I didn't leave overwhelmed by sorrow. Yes, it is partly sad because I'll miss the other people in my class, the teacher, the volunteers, and the overall sense of the "yes we can!" yoga community, but I left educated and empowered.

Matt, the teacher (a paraplegic), talked today about how yoga is meant to be practiced at home. He said (in so many words) that we must make yoga "our own." We need to simply move. Move our spines, learn to feel grounded, practice breathing through our noses, and most importantly, practice "inner-awareness." After each class there was a handout given to us, with an overview of what we learned for the day. These handouts are like gold. Not only do they help me remember what we did so I can do it at home, but they inormation on them is completely unique and impossible to get anywhere else. They're priceless.

This so far has been the only yoga class I've ever attended, pre and post-injury; so I have nothing to compare it to. And I do know that there's other adapted yoga classes being taught in pockets throughout the country. But are they the same as Matt's class? Doubtful. What Matt's teaching is completely new.

I've taken away from the class a lot of important things: I am more aware of my entire body now and learned I can still "feel" it in a certain sense; I just need to breath (through my nose) and concentrate on my paralyzed areas/limbs better. There's a rumor that another adapted yoga class may be taught sometime in 2009. I sure hope so. Doing it at home works, but it's much more enjoyable with a group of people.

For more info on Matt's yoga visit his studio's site at www.mindbodysolutions.org.

Why Can I Still Feel Certain Things (neurologically), Where I'm Not Supposed To?

2008-10-20T17:23:00Z

Yesterday was a perfect example of why spinal cord injuries are still a pretty huge mystery, especially if you're an incomplete. I've been an incomplete quad since 1993, but that isn't the end of my spinal cord's story. It still changes and evolves....and regenerates? Maybe so. Clearly it's not doing much in the regeneration department, but things are still happening. You see, yesterday I went to a Sunday afternoon bonfire (complete with NFL football and chili) and a piece of charcoal popped out of the pit, went flying in the air, and landed on my lap.

You'd think I wouldn't have been able to feel it, but you're thinking wrong. I did. And it even surprised me! For many, many years my thighs have been one of those areas on my body that had no patchy sensation. Nothing. The "incomplete" nature of my partially torn spinal cord just never branched out there for whatever reason (another spinal cord mystery). Since everyone's spinal fibers in their spinal cords are different, doctors have no way to gauge what someone will be able to feel/move with a spinal cord still somewhat intact. Layman's terms? It's a crapshoot.

But with me being able to feel the burning charcoal on my lap within seconds was a bit bizarre. Has my spinal cord, in whatever area in my cord that controls sensation in my thighs, all of a sudden started to regenerate itself? I wish I could know for sure. In all reality what's probably really happening is that the scar tissue in the injured area may be shifting....? I dunno.

I quickly batted the black charcoal off my lap and inspected the damage. My pants didn't get a hole burned into them, but after undressing later in the day I discovered a tiny blister (about the size of a pencil eraser head) on my left thigh. Interesting indeed.

So is this new ability to feel in my thighs limited to just feeling burning sensations? Or is it open to GOOD feelings too? With my luck, probably not.

Come On Barack, Roast the Tiffster

2008-10-17T19:40:00Z

Man, did any of you watch the Alfred E. Smith Charity Foundation white bow tie charity dinner event on CNN last night? Well, if you didn't you really missed out. Lucky for you though YouTube exists. You can check-out what I'm talking about here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWQ9B2mRplQ.

Basically what happened is that Obama and McCain purposefully and both humorously last night roasted each other. Meaning, each went up seperately onto the event's stage and made fun of one another. It was quite hysterical and without a doubt the BEST thing I've seen on anything about the election so far; and that includes 20 months ago. Love, love, love. Seriously, is there anything better than watching Obama talk about how he comes from the planet Krypton? And that his greatest weakness may be "that he's too awesome?" :)

I haven't laughed that hard in months. And boy did I need that too. Maybe humor will be the key to solving our country's financial crisis? It sure seemed like it could last night. It honestly felt like the clouds opened up overhead at that charity dinner and that it felt like it was raining down much needed blessed rain after a long, difficult drought. I think humor should be applied more often to solve our national and international problems. Maybe Israel and Lebanon would have been sincere allies by now if Chris Rock had been President instead of when Bill Clinton was? Who knows, right?

I think in my wildest of fantasies Barack Obama would someday roast me. Yup...we'd be at a charity dinner together and before that night came we secretly decided we would roast each other. I'd of course be the accomplished editor of Vanity Fair and an internationally-known disability rights advocate by then, and he'd be well into his second-term. Obama would be up on the stage, teasing me about driving too fast through the White House or something bad ass like that.

Ok I'll stop now. LOL. I think I'm in over-blown fantasy-mode right now. I'll stop.