truesilverwolfman - All Comments

re: Leg # 2 is now gone

KaraSwims — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 16:49:49 GMT

I think it definitely sounds like you're making an effort-even by expressing yourself here. It's a very difficult time and I hope that you keep healing.

re: Leg # 2 is now gone

ecrowley — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 16:08:19 GMT

I'm glad you made it through your surgery okay...hopefully your recovery process will go smoothly and that you'll be able to get out of the hospital soon enough.

re: Anniversary

naomimimi — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 03:49:24 GMT

I think you're incredibly strong to share with all of us how you're feeling... and I feel Liesl is right, the emotional swings are part of dealing with everything you've been through.

re: Anniversary

Liesl — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 03:19:12 GMT

What's normal? It is normal to have swings in emotion when you've been through and are still going through trauma. But I think it is also normal to try and deal with those emotions with outside help.

re: More great news ha yea right!

Christie — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 22:54:14 GMT

I know you feel like it but you are never useless. I think it's great that your dad is helping you find a new rehab center. Try not to worry about taking his attention away from his work and life. He is you dad and that is what dad's are suppose to do. He would not be better off not having to deal with you. I have a son and I don't know whatt I would do without him. Hang on , things will get better.

re: The huddle

bonniethesurvivor — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 14:34:57 GMT

Okay, I blew it. I did not realize that my husband's Profile was open. He is a member, Kirpalson, as a caregiver, and temporary PWD. Anyway, the above is MY post, and should have my name as the author of the coomment.

I would like to add that I really like the new pic, and am glad you uploaded it. Like I said, keep talking to us please. Bonnie AGAIN.

re: The huddle

kirpalson — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 14:22:17 GMT

I have somehow missed a series of your blogs, and have caught up with you in this new, miserable rehab center. I have a few thoughts. You have said you want to go home, and your Father has said that might be possible, so that is worth waiting for, hoping and praying for, and asking for on a continuous basis. However, it may not be possible for reasons that are complex—the level of medical care you need, etc. Also, your mental health may be an issue, if you continue to manifest the depression you currently experience, medical recommendations may not follow to allow you to return to a home where you could potentially do yourself harm (just something to ponder). . .

I am truly sorry you have ended up (well, not ended up because you won’t have to stay there forever, but landed in this facility. While unpleasant, they are not all as bad as what you are describing. If you can’t go home, why not try to get moved to a different place? Demand that your family visit and investigate alternatives, and also email and ask your family to consult with your doc. . . .

Regarding your Father, and his non-visitation, let me tell you that no one’s family is a picnic at times like this (well, mostly no-one’s). There are a zillion reasons why he may not be there. The song he sent was very touching, and not one that some men could find the emotional depth to reveal. It may be that he is working very hard so that you can come. It is also usually very hard for family members to bear the pain of seeing someone they love suffer, as well as bearing the pain they themselves experience in their own loss

of the person you were. Of course you are still that person inside, but the issues of future activities, etc., may be hard to cope with initially. . .

You do have a future potential, even working in a good career, going to school, etc., as you recover here. The thing is to remember that. It may not be the future you were looking to, but as one door closes, another can open.

One final thought. You really sound like you blame yourself (in earlier blogs), for not recognizing the fact that you were seriously ill. This is bulls***t. It is another reason for your depression, and shows that you think you were so perfect you could predict the future and self diagnose, when there is no reason not to accept the fact that we are all human. Illnesses occur, and to assume the added burden of blame is, I am sure, increasing your depression levels. . .

I really care about your recovery, as do many here. Please continue to fight for what you need, to believe in the future, and to find a way to endure the pain. I know only to well how hard that is. Some of us have been there. You can make it out. Bonnie

re: sent to me by my father

Christie — Sat, 24 May 2008 16:47:58 GMT

I think that was really nice of your dad to give you that. Sounds like he relly loves you and wanted to encourage you .

re: sent to me by my father

BrokenDoNotUse — Sat, 24 May 2008 05:23:20 GMT

Just wanted to say 'hello'.

What a cool song for your Dad to send.

re: something new

ecrowley — Fri, 23 May 2008 16:38:29 GMT

Please keep us updated on how things go at the rehab center...

re: something new

Christie — Fri, 23 May 2008 16:36:58 GMT

Hi, the crying & laughing in your sleep might have something to do with stress. A few years ago I was screaming in my sleep ,it ended up being because i had so much going on that it was putting a lot of stress on me. Hopefully the next step after rehad will be to go home. I didn't realize its been a year. But don't blame yourself for what happened.You didn't know ,like you said you thought it was the flu. I would have thought the same thing. I do hope you get to doing and feeling better really soon.

re: can't win for losing

ecrowley — Mon, 19 May 2008 18:24:17 GMT

Sorry things continue to be so difficult...Keep us updated, hopefully things will improve soon!

re: can't win for losing

Christie — Sat, 17 May 2008 23:35:02 GMT

Hi, I been wondering how your doing. I can understand wanting to know whats you meds are for. Maybe you could get a social worker up to your room and have them to help. I know how awful PT is to have. I use to have to take it. Once you get healed up things will get better. Have faith and believe that you can do this. Please keep us updated on how your doing

re: can't win for losing

bonniethesurvivor — Sat, 17 May 2008 14:19:10 GMT

Come on now--things are looking up a bit because I detect some humor here (even if just a bit). If you have really big questions about exactly what your meds are, their purpose, and side effects, you have a right to know. Do you have a main doctor, or nice nurse who you get along with, even somewhat? You deserve this answer, and someone can sit down and write it out for you so you know without going OFF the meds to discover it.

Also, going off the meds will not tell you because you may go into withdrawal, which can be a whole lot worse! PT is awful sometimes, especially at first, but it does get better and you learn to use your body in new ways and this eventually leads to less pain, and also less pain as your wounds heal.

Forget getting any understanding on having people pop in and actually reading your chart. You are in an institution, and while we would all like the situation to be good (and some are), most are just not good places to be. That does not mean you will be there forever. At some point you will leave, and begin to learn how to cope with the hearing loss. This frustration is not permanent, although you will have frustrations along the way as you continue your path to a new way of wellness. It will be a different way of being well.

I am so glad you continue to blog and let us know what is going on. Please keep us up to date on everything. Those stairs seem like an attractive proposition now, but once its over, its over. Believe in the future, that's what you must do.

Believe, believe, believe, find it in the pit of your stomach to SHOW THEM how strong you are, that they can't take YOU for a fool and just ignore your needs. Get your answers, have a sign that says "I can't hear" next to your bed if you want; in short, do what you can to make it a bit better.

I don't want to sound harsh, I want to convey my utmost compassion as you undergo this challenge. You can make it! Bonnie

re: What are they giving me???

Debbie — Fri, 16 May 2008 15:37:50 GMT

hey there, i was away for awhile and i just read your other posts. bro, you need to talk to someone. have your family or someone get you to a professional now to help you though this. and keep searching till you find someone you like.

i did think you were funny though when you said your hobbies were counting ceiling tiles.. lol

i will pm you right now. xoxo :)