Name: Vicki

Location: Texas

Sex: Female

Status: InARelationship

But Words Can Never Harm Me

Posted: 9/28/2007 at 03:05 PM

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I disagree - words can hurt, maybe even more than sticks and stones. Words and the way they are used have the power to denigrate or enhance the status of a group within a society. It has been true with national origins, with races, and with genders, and it is true with disabilities as well.

The difference between the right word and the nearly right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.
Mark Twain

Language doesn't stop at hurt feelings; it can also promote and strengthen stereotypes, effectively segregating a group from the whole.Media language and public attitudes are intrinsically intertwined . As one evolves, so does the other.

After the ADA (Americans with Disability Act) took effect, The Associated Press published Beyond the AP Stylebook as a guide for reporters when broadcasting and writing about disability. This is a really interesting paper to read, even for people not involved in reporting.

The stylebook reminds us not to use clichés and to remain value-neutral. Be careful with adjectives -- it's "the disability movement" rather than "the disabled movement." The guideline doesn't stop there. It addresses one of my pet peeves -- claiming an achievement despite a handicap. If a person accomplishes a goal, it is not despite the disability, it is because that person worked toward the goal and was successful.

Disability is natural. We must stop believing that disabilities keep a person from doing something. Because that's not true . . . Having a disability doesn't stop me from doing anything.

Benjamin Snow, Grade 8, Woodland Park, Colorado, in an essay entitled "Attitudes About People with Disabilities" (Jan 19)

Resources for Disabled Students at Colorado State University published a guideline, Unhandicap Your Language. This paper gives terms that are less appropriate and others that are more appropriate. It suggests we consciously think about what we say in order "to more positively reshape how we communicate about disability in society." This short paper reminds us that disability refers to a functional limitation and not the inability to contribute. I like their gentle approach.

It is my opinion that the guideline for any person talking about another person or group is always the same. If a non-disabled person speaks about a person with a disability, or if a person with a disability speaks about a non-disabled person, the guideline is mutual respect -- treat the other as you would like be treated.

A personal offense is like a scratch on a phonograph record. I couldn't move my thoughts beyond my pain. It kept repeating, as if I were stuck within its grooves. There was only one way to play beyond it. I had to forgive them, so my heart could take its form again.
Laurel Lee, author

I know I cannot possibly educate the world to use a term I choose. It would be nice if everybody talked about everybody else in friendly, positive terms, but it is just not going to happen. All people with disabilities are not going to agree on all the terms to use. We can, however, accept that we will hear the "incorrect" term from time to time. At best, we can all learn to be patient and work to improve our language and understanding. Hopefully, compassion in language and attitudes for the disabled will continue to evolve along with accessibility and opportunity.

Then we can decide how to refer to people who are not disabled.

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coffeefanatic wrote on Sep 28, 2007 at 2:35 PM
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this is a valuable post; vocabulary plays a tremendous role in creating inclusivity and destroying stereotypes and boundaries.
Lisa-DB wrote on Sep 29, 2007 at 1:46 AM
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I remember reading the APA guidelines when they came out. Too bad a lot of media still uses the "despite the disability" line. And the whole, courageous line of thought for doing something like brushing your teeth gets on my nerves, too.

Nice quotes, also!
Attila the Mom wrote on Sep 29, 2007 at 11:40 PM
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Language is powerful. No matter how an individual chooses to define themselves, I've been a Kathie Snow "people first" kind of person just so I don't inadvertantly offend someone.

But even so, some people are offended. :-(
Attila the Mom wrote on Sep 30, 2007 at 12:13 AM
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I don’t write a whole lot about my younger son in my everyday blog. It's not because the Little Guy
Attila the Mom wrote on Sep 30, 2007 at 7:24 AM
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Wow, how weird. I have no idea how that happened!
BurnThisCube wrote on Sep 30, 2007 at 6:04 PM
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Vicki,

Great post. Yes, my wife's neither home- nor wheelchair-bound. Neither of us are suffering from disabilities, thanks for your concern; only suffering from inconsiderate language and attitudes.

Attila, that's a glitch that's happened to me a couple times. Ops staff couldn't duplicate it though, so apparently they haven't been able to fix it yet. Kinda embarassing to have a chunk of unfinished blog pop up like that, eh?

Bruce
orangemango wrote on Oct 1, 2007 at 9:32 AM
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Definitely an important subject to cover, Vicki! I always try to treat others with respect and use non-offensive language. The thing that can be tricky is when different people view different words/terms as offensive. Sometimes it does happen that I'll use a word that I didn't even know would offend the person I'm talking to, but (I hope) in most cases they let me know and then I make sure to apologize and remember not to make the same mistake in the future.
Vicki wrote on Oct 1, 2007 at 2:59 PM
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coffeefanatic, Wow, thank you. I have always felt words are powerful. What is that about the pen being mightier? It's easy to sluff off someone's spoken blunder, but we have the opportunity to reduce the number of blunders. Sometimes I feel a bit preachy, but I do think it's important.

Lisa-DB, I guess it is difficult to make deadlines if every phrase has to be checked against the guidelines. However, eventually, good phrasing will be a natural habit despite all these years of hearing those dumb things.

Attila, That glitch was fate. A reader asked me if there were parents of autistic children and I didn't know even though I have read your blog in the past. Your glitch sent me to that post so I was able to refer Merelyme to you.

BurnThisCube, We all suffer from language mis-use, but maybe it's thoughtlessness and ignorance more often than mean-spiritedness. When someone says I am wheelchair bound -- and they do -- I picture myself duct taped in my chair.

orangemango, I don't think anyone can be 100% non-offensive unless nothing is ever said. That is why the reader or listener has to have compassion and patience while the vocabulary evolves. Sometimes it's just easier to use terms that are understood but might be insulting. And sometimes as you said, we just don't know. This is hard.
Deaf Mom wrote on Oct 7, 2007 at 5:29 AM
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Nice post!
Vicki wrote on Oct 11, 2008 at 9:56 PM
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Language is a hot button in the disability community. We have words that can be used among ourselves

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