Disabled - A Secret to Share?

About 7 million people require some type of mobility help, a cane, walker, crutches or a wheelchair. Over 125 million Americans have a chronic condition, and some have more than one. Forty million are limited in their everyday lives, but some have no visible signs of a disability.

Many conditions, including MS, affect our lives without revealing characteristics to the public. Having an invisible disability has its advantages in a prejudiced society. An invisible disability means you can pass as "normal" in the working and social worlds. Others don't feel awkward around you, employers don't ask prying questions, people don't stare. All that sounds pretty good, and it's understandable to want to keep one's disabilities hidden.

Invisible disabilities bring with them a different set of potential difficulties. When you look good, your friends may not understand that you do not feel good.  If your employer does not know about your disability, you cannot ask for accommodations.

"The imperfections of a man, his frailties, his faults, are just as important as his virtues. 
You can't separate them.  They're wedded."  ~Henry Miller

If you have an invisible disability, one important issue is telling. When and who do you tell, and when you decide to do it, what do you say? How much do you tell your family and friends and your employer, and what are the risks or rewards?

You may want to tell your family and friends to help them understand why you might not want to participate in some activities sometimes or at all. One risk is they won't know how to deal with you any more. They may not include you in activities when they would have otherwise. Family and friends need to be reminded you are still you.

You might hesitate to tell your employer because it may affect your chance of promotion or assignments. It may affect your status as an employee in the eyes of your boss, human resources, or even co-workers. This is a tough decision and it may cause undue stress before the decision is made and even after.

In my own experience, my disability was never invisible. I was using a cane to stay upright before I ever knew why. By the time I was diagnosed with MS, it was a relief that my condition actually was a real thing and had a name. I have often wondered how I would have handled it if I knew before it was obvious.

I knew a boy in high school who had won an award. As he crossed the auditorium stage to accept the award, the girl next to me said, "Poor Ray." Why "Poor Ray?" He was cute, he was smart and well-liked, and he had just received an honor. Well, he was a double amputee and she thought it must be hard to walk so far to cross the stage. He was smiling - he almost always smiled - and I never heard her say "Poor Ray" as he was walking down the halls between classes. His accident happened years before I knew him, he wore long pants, so I didn't know. Other people knew, but his disability was invisible to me. I wondered how many kids pitied him and how he felt about that. Did he wish they didn't know? He wasn't putting up a brave front, and he wasn't trying to hide his prostheses. He was just living his life like so many other high school kids in the 60's.

The more I read about disability, I see there is more to learn. I am lucky with the path my MS has taken.


Here are some sites I visited while learning about hidden invisibility.
- A Hard Look at Invisible Disability
- Living with an Invisible Disability
- Fibromyalgia
- The Invisible Disability Advocate
 - Rachel's Blog