Invisible or Conspicuous?

"For those of us who must use a wheelchair most or all of the time:  Do you feel as if able-bodied people, who are the vast majority, look right through you, or do you feel like everybody's staring at you?"

I haveta submit a resounding Yes to both queries.  But, I've decided that I became invisible only after I inadvertently learned to use my super-powers!  Once upon a time I was a strikingly hot and skinny, albeit an ordinary biped.  (Wow, does shit change when you least expect it.)  I had no super power of invisibility then.  None.  All too often I remember wishing I could hide from a world full of gawkers.  So I was thankful that I acquired super powers when I began to roll. 

Which in turn made me wonder:  What makes any person invisible, or conspicuous? 

I remember, back in the day, when briefly I was a pregnant biped, EVERYONE seemed to be conspicuously pregnant too.  (Of course that's not the reality of things, just a perceptive glitch.  But I digress...)     So when I felt conspicuous as a newly "wheeled" person, it naturally led me to begin making observations of "conspicuousness" in everyone else -  comparatively speaking.  

My observations led me to unscientifically conclude that:

1.) Kids appear to feel awkwardly conspicuous.  Children, in a world of grownups, find their environment full of elbows and assholes.  Literally, and figuratively.  Me too!!!   I think wheeled folk can commiserate a lot with that perception??  Kids tended to gaze at me rolling with a kind of connection and wonder.... after all I'm at their height, and I'm looking back directly into their eyes!  And, many are also on wheels.  Perhaps my wheels seem more spectacular, Perhaps their wonder was tied to my being able to push myself without a Mom behind me.  Nowadays they're certainly impressed with my Power-Wheels. What kid isn't???  (I sure am!)  We bond in a wink, they smile and blink in recognition, I roll on...

2.) Teens feel inordinately conspicuous.  "OMG, am I wearing the right outfit?"  Maybe they've got a throbbing shiny nose zit?  Or a throbbing Wang that won't behave in public.  Or worse... maybe everyone ELSE realizes they're suffering a butt-zit?  Perhaps a miserably high-'n-tight thong?  <laughing>  I bet some of us just thought that described a Marine haircut??   ((Sorry I amuse myself thinking aloud....))  Nevertheless, teen years universally seem to suk - and reasons are endless...

Yet teens feel utterly invisible.   "OMG, am I wearing the right outfit?"  (Yep, that one seems constant.)  They're not adults and not children, nothing is as it 'should be'.  They can't get a date, and when they do, it can quickly become a horror show.  Teens are the epitome of conspicuous-invisibility.

3.) Old people feel awfully conspicuous.  S l o w  and creaky.  Wrinkley grey bits where there used to be smooth pink ones.  Add a handful of fumbling fingers that won't cooperate, simply to find change in the bottom of a pocket/purse to pay an impatient cashier in front of a long line of younger shoppers.   Only the calmer demeanor of age camouflages their fear of an encroaching "disturbance in the force".   Maybe they're not addled...  only appearing so momentarily, as they're tossed into flashbacks remembering when such was not the case "back in the day...".   And thus they also feel invisible - because few people see them as they remember themselves. 

3.and a half ) Speaking of flashbacks...  Millions who are using drugs and alcohol (legal or not, at nearly any age) feel miserably conspicuous.  They just don't appear to care as others by the very nature of added chemistry?  Who then wouldn't love drugs/alcohol....?   And maybe, because they 'feel' invisible or unworthy (plug-in any preferred tirade here) users act out - being loud and pretentious, or whiny and miserable - to make themselves conspicuous.   Who then wouldn't hate drugs/alcohol....?    Now there's the nasty conundrum...  Impaired people seem incapable of noticing the obvious, thus they're oblivious. 

(Perhaps an embodiment of the woman on the theater ramp?  Definitely the embodiment of everyone's inebriated 'uncle' (or fill in the blank))

Therefore, if I (as a rolling person) feel conspicuous... perhaps I'm quite literally one of the masses, and my perception is entirely Normal.  Those bipeds that I surprise when rolled up on - are probably embedded in their own dinky spatial perception of what matters to them.  Not me in particular. 

And those that peer at me with concern, discontent, and curiosity.... are simply ordinary humans that perceive a broader spectrum of their surroundings.  Not unlike critters at the zoo that peer back at "us", while we're peering in at "them".  Every mammal has some interest in every other animal.  ((Find a cat that won't stare at a bug on the wall for hours.)) After all, we are all pretty interesting and curious creatures by nature - whether we think we are invisible or conspicuous.

I'm just exceedingly grateful that as humans we've sort of evolved past butt-sniffing. 

My two cents... (and of course, your mileage may vary).