Dating & Relationships - All Comments

re: Resources for People with Disabilities in an Abusive Relationship

Lily265 — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 19:47:47 GMT

Thank you for sharing these resources. I know a lady who is trying to get her friend out an abusive situation, so I sent her a link to this article. Her friend, who is in a wheelchair, is being abused by a family member. It's horrible to think that a person's own flesh and blood could do something like that, but it happens. Thanks again for the timely article!

re: Online Dating 101: Top 10 Tips for Successful Online Dating

wheelinwillie — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 08:52:00 GMT

Great Article for us Newbies =)

Mr. Bill

re: How to Be a Confident Date

karen30s — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 05:19:25 GMT

I agree confidence is important to people with disabilities but a word of caution if it is not innate you could become discouraged.

As a woman with a disability I learned the importance of becoming confident in pursuing my goals.

On dates it is essential to relax and enjoy rather then focus on appearing confident. People are able to sense your uncertainty and even though they may not understand its source they become aware that you are out of sync. The date then is at risk.

To avoid unneccesary date woes learn to relax, listen, be friendly and all these assist in building confidence for life not only for dates.

re: Can I Be With an Able-Bodied Partner?

Oncodiva — Wed, 07 May 2008 05:07:44 GMT

I gotta say I'm glad to see this posting. I am in a very awkward place and don't know exactly how to approach dating again. I've been fighting Breast Cancer for 8 years. Its been everywhere...lung, liver, spine, nodes. But never has it been in my breasts again. I look perfectly "Able Bodied". In fact I model occasionally. And I do what I can to keep off the spare tire. I'm 41 and look 30. There is no shortage of men. BUT most of my outings are to the hospital, as I am on permanent chemo. I left a marriage of 10 years in the middle of all this because I'm not willing to settle. Yet there does seem to be some predisposition of friends, relatives and suitors (once they get to know my situation) who seem to think I'm lucky to have anyone to date at all, much less be choosy. I have someone who says he loves me, takes me to treatment. He cares and shows it. It helps to have it. Yet the chemistry is lacking. I'd say it might be the treatments, except that I can see a striking man and find myself very attracted in that "special" way. I even run a website to help women embrace their sensuality throughout chronic illness. Some men find my confidence a little threatening. Its not that I don't feel good about myself. But I do live in the world and have to live with the perceptions of others. I have had men say that they started to care and the fear of losing me keeps them from wanting to get more involved. (I trust this is the real reason and not that I don't look like my photographs and what not.) I can understand that to a point. Yet anyone could lose their partner tomorrow in a car accident. So its really a percieved loss. Of course mose "able bodied" people who haven't had an illness/accident rarely face that truth. I am on disability. I don't work so it is hard to meet people. The doctors seem to think I have about 5 years. But I had that 8 years ago. Dating in general is becoming completely confusing to me. Do I tell someone? When do I tell them? What do I tell them. I'm usually blunt, humorous and up front. I always believed in honest open communication. And maybe I want too much. But I feel I am being punished for something beyond my control and I know we can all relate to that. I don't know that I am looking for someone to answer this or solve my problems. I suppose input would be nice. And it seems like the best place to mention it. I wonder if others are also facing the same?

re: Having “The Talk”

crov41 — Fri, 02 May 2008 20:23:27 GMT

if they really say they love and want you dont worry about your disability just smile kid

re: Having “The Talk”

aries — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 18:42:48 GMT

hello Ive been A relationship for ten years. The sex life was really good but back in 2005 I was hit from behind from A cement truck and now I am in A wheel chair the sex life slowed down but once I talked to my spouse about my sex drive has not changed he didnt take action right at that time but now he knows he wont hurt me or anything it starting to pick back up and to me it may be a little bit more better to me.

re: Love’s Got Everything To Do With It

theplanetmike — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 06:06:06 GMT

I've certainly had both of those feelings: how can this be real (or why is this real), and how could I ever get this back if it fails. This stuff is hard, and I am still struggling with it. I don't think these feelings are unique to people with disabilities, but I think that disabilities provide a backdrop on which to rationalize these feelings. Whether it's rightly so or not I have yet to figure out. What I do know from my last relationship is that at least close relationships are possible, which I wasn't convinced of before. I worried that maybe it was too big of a leap for the average person to see past a disability to the possibility of intimacy. As anyone with a disability knows, the bridge from impossible to possible is usually a small but crucial step, so I am now more hopeful for good future relationships.

re: Helpmates Miss Each Other’s Presence

appydawn87 — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 20:33:48 GMT

Wow. This is such a great story! I am having problems with my finance about being alone. He uses a manual wheelchair and can do everything normal but walk, but he freaks out anytime he is alone with out me there... It is so great to hear that you do not mind being alone and have your own hobbies.

re: Why Would Anyone Have Sex With Me? Questions and Answers from Gary Karp

lauarasweetou — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 01:12:21 GMT

I've been in this situation, me being the AB girlfriend. I have to say, lying in bed with this man, talking, touching, light kisses... It's something I'll always want again.

re: Helpmates Miss Each Other’s Presence

jackie44 — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 20:41:35 GMT

I know that is true love and i dont see that much anymore.

re: Can I be with an Able-Bodied Partner?

sfahlin77 — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 21:06:17 GMT

I am a disabled women who has a wonderful husband who is able-bodied, and a former US Marine. These are my thoughts and pieces of advice.

During my dating years, it was difficult to find someone to date able bodied or not. There are stereotypes and stigmas that unfortunately are attributed to those with a disability. I did run into a few men that found me to be a great person, but couldn't get over my disability. It was discouraging and hard, but I found that once I stopped looking for love it found me.

When my husband came along, it was interesting to me that he didn't care about my disability and all that came with it. Our chemistry, interests, and love for each other has overcome other's negative views and ignorance about our relationship.

Let's face it...the majority of people see with their eyes not their heart, but those that see you for you, are the ones you want to have in your life. being disabled gives us the rare opportunity to see people for who they are. Sometimes it sucks...sometimes you find the best people humankind has to offer. The point is, the road is a hard one for the disabled, but let no one tell you who you should love. Eventually, you will find the right person for you.

re: Can I be with an Able-Bodied Partner?

jenny82 — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 23:40:10 GMT

The article almost brought tears to my eyes, as I have been struggling with this issue for a long time. We are not asexual. I think that it's time the perceptions that exist be remodeled. There is nothing wrong with wanting something more, whether it be with an able-bodied partner or not. Life is too short to be limited by fears and misguided advice.

Disaboom, Take Two at GearAbility

Disaboom, Take Two at GearAbility — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 01:35:12 GMT

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Disaboom, Take Two at GearAbility

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re: Discovering the World of mental orgasms

stiffjake1 — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 13:10:56 GMT

Ok, I GET IT! Mental orgasms, tantric sex...I'm a Man w/SCI; my injury pretty much ended my marriage, so I'm also NOT IN LOVE; have not had any intimate contact w/a Woman in 7yrs. I can't masturbate either. Sure, the same things turn me on--IN MY MIND--but that doesn't transmit to the rest of my body. I want TO FEEL THE PHYSICAL RELEASE that one experiences during an orgasm. THAT is what I used to enjoy; that is what helped me to pysically, as well as mentally, relax.

I'm not at all interested in 'being in love' anymore. Does that mean I won't be able to have a satisfying sexual experience?