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When it comes to caregiving for adults with disabilities, a key source of help often is overlooked. The focus is on their parents, or on their children, if they have any. But how about sibling resources, the brothers or sisters who are closest in age to the sibling with a disability? There were decades in America when siblings and family members of multiple generations remained far closer in their own homes. This started to break down with the advent of personal transportation by a rail cars, vehicles and airplanes. The divorce rate also skyrocketed to today's 50 percent.

America's family structure has started to break down. So nowadays, what happens when a sibling faces a need for support from loved ones? "Brothers and sisters of adults with disabilities are often overlooked by agencies who serve people with special needs, even though siblings generally have the longest family relationship and their numbers are vast," states a report from the South Carolina Department of Disabilities and Special Needs. Think about it. With whom were you closest as a child? Was it your mother, your father, or your closest sibling(s)? Even if your answer your mother or your father, they now may be among the dearly departed. Odds are far greater that a close sibling is still around, possibly a sibling with a disability with whom you should bond.

Maybe the disability was congenital from birth, and the sibling assisted in caregiving during childhood before the two of them became distant. Maybe the disability emerged gradually during adolescent or young adult life. Or possibly the disability took place suddenly, the result of a car crash or some other sort of accident. "Service providers and families must recognize the role of brothers and sisters in providing support to people with developmental disabilities," the report states. "They must consider the willingness and capacity of siblings to expand their roles." Willingness indeed. Some siblings may have lived close to one another from childhood into their adult lives, and they naturally will gravitate to help one another. Others may have broken their bonds, only to find themselves emerging back together.

Each situation is so unique, and there is no universal coverall for seeking resources. Even so, here are some factors in sibling disability care resources to consider:

• Guilt. A potential sibling caregiver may feel guilty because they don't have a disability, or feel they did something to cause their brother's or sister's disability.
  
• Embarrassment. Do you really want to help wash you brother or sister's diaper?
  
• Fear. If your brother or sister is diagnosed with MS, for example, are you afraid that caregiving may cause your same fate?
• Resentment. Why is the sibling getting all of the attention?
• Burden. You give so much effort to care for a sibling with a disability, but your sibling does not seem to appreciate it.
  

As you read and review this article, do you feel a need for a sibling resource to help you make or to maintain connections with a vital loved one? If so, these resources are strongly recommend: Sibling Support Project, National Family Caregivers, the National Alliance for Caregiving and Compassionate Friends.

Sources:
www.siblingsupport.org
www.nfcacares.org
www.caregiving.org
www.compassionatefriends.org
www.state.sc.us/ddsn/pubs/matters/matters.htm

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