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Getting out of an abusive relationship can be difficult. Both logistical concerns and your emotional ties to your abuser can be obstacles. Once you've accepted the need to leave your abuser, it is important to enlist the help of others. While you may feel embarrassed to be in this situation, you shouldn't. Abuse is never your fault.

The benefits of telling friends or family, even if they are not local to you and your situation, about your plan to leave your abuser are many. First, they will offer valuable emotional support and encouragement and remind you that you are loved and valued. Second, they can help you overcome obstacles that might otherwise prolong your time with your abuser. These include concerns about where to go when you leave your abuser, financial issues, worries over the safety of pets and the seemingly massive task of moving. Having a support system in place when you leave your abuser will help you to feel safe in a turbulent time.

When leaving an abuser, you must consider your own safety first and foremost. Plan your departure in a manner that ensures your safety. Be sure never to be alone with your abuser once it is known you are leaving. If necessary, leave the living situation when your abuser is at work, traveling or with friends. If you have only a short window of time, take what is essential and valuable only, and then work out getting the rest of your things later -- but only with an escort. If you have pets you need to shield from being left with your abuser, see if you can take them to a friend's house or temporarily board them with your vet. If you are going to a domestic violence shelter, pets usually aren't allowed, so you should be prepared to make arrangements for them in advance.

Remember that your medical practitioners can be valuable resources as you leave your abuser. Doctor-patient confidentiality means they can't tell your abuser anything about your plans, and because domestic violence is also a medical concern, they can help you find the resources you need to get out. When you leave, make sure your abuser does not follow you or otherwise obtain information about where you are going when you leave. Recognize that your abuser may be familiar with your habits and workplace and you should be prepared to call for help should your abuser confront you inappropriately. Many organizations for those leaving abusive situations provide free cell phones that will allow you to call 911 in an emergency.

When you leave your abusive situation, make sure to take copies of all relevant financial paperwork with you, especially if you do not have sole control over your own finances, a common problem in abusive situations. Remember to take all identity paperwork such as birth certificate, passport, Social Security card and naturalization papers with you as well. You do not want to leave your abuser anything to bargain with for your return. Realize you won't be able to plan everything perfectly for leaving your abuser, especially since, for your safety, you don't want your abuser knowing you are planning to leave. If you wait until you have solved every possible logistical problem, you are unlikely to leave. Do not use the difficulty of leaving an abuser as your excuse to stay.

Contact a domestic violence help center as part of this process, either as you are planning to leave your abusive relationship or immediately after you do so. They can provide you with additional safety advice, legal information and possible assistance with housing, work and other matters. Additionally, be sure to contact your disability-related community center to see what resources they can provide you. Of course, all abusive situations do not necessarily involve cohabitation. Leaving these sorts of abusive relationships can be just as challenging. Here, the main goal is to cut off communication and access, which may mean changing your locks or your telephone number. In both situations, you should consider a restraining order as a preemptive measure against your abuser continuing to threaten you. Domestic violence hot-lines and victim services units at your local police department should be able to help you in this regard.

Leaving an abusive relationship is always difficult, and often requires navigating the offerings of many different support organizations. As a person living with a disability you may find yourself having to educate domestic violence organizations about accommodating your needs as a person with disabilities trying to extricate themselves from an abusive situation. While this can be exhausting, in both cases it is important to ask for what you need. If necessary, save yourself some aggravation during this trying time by putting your local disability advocacy group in touch with whatever domestic violence group, shelter or hotline you are working with. Together, they will help you make a fresh start.

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