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As a person with a disability - no matter what that disability is - it’s easy to think you’re allowed to only date a certain type of person. “I’m damaged goods,” you think. Not so fast. I’ve been a quadriplegic AND a serial dater the past 11 years (talk about a screwed-up combo), and I’ve learned that the perfect “type” of person for a person with a disability doesn’t exist. There’s isn’t just one particular “type” of person that will accept you.

Here are some very wrong, yet popular, misconceived “types” of people that folks with disabilities think they should solely go for:

• “The Other Disabled Person” type: This is the most common “type” people with disabilities think they’re relegated to. We figure they’ll be able not only to accept us the most freely, but they’ll be able to relate to us better than anyone else can.

• “The Caregiver” type: If you’re a guy, you might try to woo your PCA, nurse, or doctor. As a woman, you may search for the “knight in shining armor” type of guy who’s obsessed with helping ladies in dire situations.

• “The Ugly/Loser/Extremely old/Overweight” type: You figure you’re only allowed to scrape at the bottom of the barrel. You seriously think the worst of the worst are the only people who would want to date a person with a disability.

The good news? All of these “types” are wrong. In fact (if you can), steer far, far away from people with these qualities. I can tell you from personal experience that for various reasons, these types usually won’t work long term.

My road to this realization was long and arduous. In the beginning of my dating life, I thought I should only date guys who used wheelchairs. “They can relate to me like no other guy can,” I thought. After dating two guys who used chairs, lo and behold, I realized I was wrong. It wasn’t that these guys were 100 percent wrong for me; I just started to see that physically, it was insufferable. We couldn’t easily be intimate and intercourse - as least with the guys I dated - was impossible.

So off I went, continuing my search for the perfect “type.” I pondered the wealth of men in my land and came to the conclusion that if guys who used wheelchairs weren’t working for me, then I should go for able-bodied guys who were unattractive, fat, ugly, whatever, but successful. I thought that that “type” would be perfect for me not only because he would think of himself as incredibly lucky (“Dude, I finally scored a hot chick!”), but because of that, he’d stay with me for the long haul.

There’s the presumption among most women that overly attractive men - while they’re fantastic eye candy - make awful significant others. They know they’re cute and are, therefore, pompous, more apt to cheat, and generally have overblown egos and look at women as something to merely conquer (the more the better). So I always thought that the cute and sexy men were the last type I should go for, hence my chasing of overweight, unattractive able-bodied guys. And so it went, I dated three consecutive men who fit this particular unattractive “type.”

Once again, I was proven wrong. Our sex lives suffered because I wasn’t attracted to them. I truly believe that mental attraction alone isn’t enough to carry a relationship. There has to be some kind of physical attraction as well. So whether I was with one of these “types” for four years or four months, they all ended badly. Soon I realized that fat, unattractive AB men weren’t a sure thing.

In the last three years I’ve dated a wide variety of AB men, ranging from extremely hot and successful men, to dark and debonair, in-shape guys, to geeky gamers, to lawyers and world renowned writers (okay, sort of world renowned).

The moral of the story? I was wrong more times than I can count over the past decade on my quest for the perfect “type.” If you’re disabled, all you really need too look for is someone with an open mind. That’s it. And yes, a WIDE variety of people can have an open mind. You’ll be surprised at all the different “types” of people who will/could be okay with your disability.

Read more
Believe in yourself, see How to Be a Confident Date.

If your trying to understand why we're attracted to certain people, see What Really Attracts Us to Each Other?

Check out Ten Tips for a Romantic, Accessible Date for ideas on planning your next date.