Dealing with the onset of a disability in one partner can be especially challenging for an established relationship. That's okay. Dealing with the arrival of a disability in your lives is going to be stressful and bring up a lot of difficult and complex issues. The first step to navigating this emotional landscape successfully is for you and your partner to acknowledge that it's going to be hard and that you'll both have work to do, together and separately. It is also important to remember that big adjustments like this can't be made all at once and that living with a disability is always an ongoing process.
While it may sound grim, it's important to let yourself grieve. The onset of a disability is a life changing event and accepting the new possibilities in your life may be easier if your let yourself mourn the old. This process may be especially important for your partner without a disability as they will feel unavoidably outside what you are experiencing.
Try to remember that your partner may also feel helpless or frustrated that they were not able to protect you from having a disability. Guilt is not uncommon, and you and your partner may need to renegotiate many boundary issues as you learn to live with your disability and they strive, perhaps excessively to make your life easier. Matters of independence and empowerment are likely to be a source of conflict early on in this journey.
The onset of a disability may raise many logistical issues in your relationship, especially if the disability affects your work or income. Money and work are two of the most contentious issues in any relationship, and for that reason they are topics many couples avoid. However, in this situation there is probably a lot to be gained from talking openly about your financial and employment concerns.
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