What is Gender Identity?
Gender identity is a sense of self that is typically established in children between 18 and 30 months of age. Gender identity is a psychological, not a physical, part of development that determines whether a person self-identifies as a girl or a boy. This process starts in the womb and is completely different than sexual orientation. Gender identity is heavily influenced by society’s views on how a person of each gender should look and behave.

Stereotypes about disability can interact with stereotypes of gender to create a maze of expectations for children with special needs to navigate as they develop their identity. The support of nurturing parents can ease this pressure and facilitate the development of a strong sense of self as a man or woman with a disability.

Throughout history, people with disabilities have notoriously been represented as without gender. This public misconception is sharply contrasted by a child’s individual development. Children with disabilities typically follow the same course of gender identity development as their able-bodied peers.

Gender Identity Development
During the toddler years, genital exploration and comparison is one component of typical development. It is at this point that children define who is a man and who is a woman. Shortly after this recognition, gender stability is established. This marks the realization that boys will become men and girls will become women. Some children will become increasingly interested in stereotypical gender behaviors during this time. A girl may refuse to wear pants and a boy’s interest in aggressive play may increase. This phase can last through the preschool years and is heavily influenced by society’s definition of what is masculine and what is feminine.

Gender Identity and Disability
By adolescence, most teens have firmly established their gender and need more parental support in areas related to sexual development. Gender and disability, however, remains a constant force in the lives of children and adolescents with special needs. Research indicates that women with disabilities are less likely to attain higher levels of education and if employed, will make less money when compared to men with disabilities.

Women with disabilities are also less likely to get married and more likely to be the victims of sexual violence. Gender is an important determinant for how society treats its disabled population. Until this injustice can be reversed, parents can become informed, develop awareness with their teens about these disparities, and encourage acts of self-advocacy.

Many children with disabilities begin to recognize which aspects of their disability conflict with gender role or expectation stereotypes from a young age. Parents need to provide examples of the many ways in which an individual can express his or her gender. Sticking only to the society’s stereotypes is a stifling limitation from which all children should be freed. Dr. Adekemi “Kemi” Oguntala is a doctor and educator who has established a renowned expertise in the area of gender identity among children and teens.

How to Handle Gender Identity Issues with Your Child
Dr. Kemi recognizes society’s harmful definitions of gender and preconceived notions as the greatest barriers to developing a healthy and confident sense of self. She cautions parents, “Don’t let your own prejudices-or worse, your concern over how others will judge you, make you parent your children in a way that they become uncomfortable in their own skin.”

Although gender identity is a psychological sense of self, it usually aligns with a child’s biological gender. Some children recognize from an early age that their biological gender doesn’t seem to fit with the gender they feel defines their true identity. Dr. Kemi describes this “feeling of not being right” as gender identity disorder (GID).

While rare, GID can be exceptionally troubling for families who rely heavily on outside expectations of others. Families of children with special needs are often very familiar with the pressure these expectations can apply. There’s little information about the prevalence of gender identity disorder among people with disabilities, but one recent study suggests there may be a connection.

According to a study presented at the 2009 International Meeting for Autism Research, approximately 6 percent of children referred to a Gender Identity Clinic were diagnosed with a disorder on the autism spectrum. That’s six times the prevalence of autism found in the general public. Further research is necessary to determine whether children with autism are more likely experience Gender Identity Disorder when compared to typical peers.

Children with or without disabilities that live with GID require the same response from parents: support. An open-minded environment free of judgment will facilitate their development into happy, healthy adults. Dr. Kemi advises parents, “You have to believe your teen when they tell you who they are. Listen. Trust that they know what they are talking about and then- support them.”

For more information on Dr. Kemi, visit her website “The Teen Doc.”