One of the most difficult and essential responsibilities of parenting is providing discipline to children, this is especially true for special needs children. Discipline is a teaching tool that promotes positive development, establishes the difference between right and wrong choices, and clarifies which behaviors are acceptable and unacceptable. Because children change rapidly as they mature and their needs differ greatly, there are few methods or techniques that will always achieve the desired outcome for all children.
Parents of special needs children often feel like they are charting their own territory when establishing discipline methods in the home. Although methods will differ, building a foundation of discipline on praise is a universally effective strategy.
A growing mountain of research provides consistent support for positive discipline instead of corporal punishment, or spanking, as the most effective behavior management strategy for parents. Positive discipline centers on the use of praise and quality family time as incentives for a child’s appropriate behavior. As adults, parents model listening and communication skills.
For many special needs children, difficulty communicating their needs may be an underlying cause of their misbehavior. Empathy is an invaluable component of parenting. Use statements like, “I can see you are angry. It must be frustrating because you’d like to play right now, but it’s time for dinner.” Empathic statements not only help children feel understood, but they often encourage further communication based on the emotions they are experiencing.
Parents who discipline with love and focus on praise will still need to establish negative consequences for repeated or extreme inappropriate behaviors. Clarify rules and set boundaries before a child has the opportunity to violate expectations. When a child misbehaves, act immediately but remain calm. The duration and severity of a punishment should relate to the degree of misbehavior. The effective use of timeouts is one way many parents have found to successfully modify behavior. For special needs children consider the following timeout techniques:
• The duration of a timeout should be determined by a child’s developmental age. For typical children, one minute per year is the maximum time recommended.
• Communicate to your child in a way he or she can understand why they have received a timeout only one time. This might involve signing, talking, using a communication board. After this message has been conveyed, cease communication until the timeout is over.
• Timeout should take place in a safe and quiet location. While parents should refrain from watching or talking to the child during this time, it may be necessary to inconspicuously monitor a child with medical concerns.
• When the timeout is over, convert the experience to a learning opportunity. Immediately resume praising positive behavior.
Disciplining special needs children can present some unique challenges unfamiliar to parents of typical children. Misbehavior is sometimes a symptom of a child’s diagnosis. It’s extremely important to avoid the use of negative labels, medical terms, or psychological jargon when talking to your child about his or her behavior. Target the behavior not the child.
There are also certain forms of discipline that that are inappropriate for special needs children. Never limit the use of devices that assist mobility or communication as a form of punishment. Acceptance of one’s disability and the promotion of independence should never be slighted in an effort to manage behavior.
Acting out and testing the limits are normal parts of development for all children. To some degree, parents can expect misbehavior from their children. If these behaviors interfere with a child’s safety or their ability to interact with others in an acceptable manner, there must be consequences.
To deny special needs children these consequences would deny their development into responsible adults. Consistency will support your child’s ability to modify and control their own behavior in a range a situations.
