I can't remember how I came across the blog Pipecleaner Dreams. It was one of those "click on 20 blogs" moments, and when I landed I was captivated by a beautiful picture of an adorable little girl in the sidebar. "Ashley Lynn," said the caption with the picture. Immediately above that picture, I saw a quote by Helen Keller, "One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar. Helen Keller, U.S. blind & deaf educator (1880-1968)."
Of course, I had to read more.
Speaking to Single Parents with Special Needs Children
Pipecleaner Dreams is a blog written by Deborah Nicherson, a single mom of four kids from Richmond, Va. Deborah also has lupus and rheumatoid arthritis. Her blog provides fascinating insights (and great stories) about the challenges single parents with special-needs children face every day.
With two 17-year-olds, a 15-year-old, and a 13-year-old, Deborah is deep into the Teen World of Raging Hormones. "There are so many hormones raging around my house that I'm surprised it hasn't imploded by now,” Deborah writes. “Add into that mix that I am going through menopause, and what an exciting life we have!"
When her first son was three years old, Deborah decided that they could be a great family for some very special kids, and began the adoption process after her divorce. Ashley, who is deaf-blind, came into her life first.
"My birth son is 17," she adds. I have been raising him as a single parent since he was four months old. My first adopted child is Ashley, who is now almost 13. I brought her home when she was two. Then came Jessica, who was nine years old when I adopted her. She is now 17. And finally Corey joined my family three years ago. He is now 15."
Special Needs Children Make For an Exciting Life – and Education Challenges
Deborah may be a single parent and have her hands full with four special-needs children, but a couple of disabilities make things more interesting.
"Ashley was born 14 weeks prematurely. Her birth mother was an alcoholic," Deborah explains. "Ash is diagnosed with fetal alcohol syndrome, deaf-blindness, ADHD, and a rare disorder that causes tumors. She has had two brain tumors removed in the past, and currently has three more that we are just watching for the moment. She is my wild child."
At 4 months of age, Jessica had brain cancer and two years of chemotherapy and radiation treatments. The treatments caused damage to her brain and limited the use of the left side of her body. "But worse than that," says Deborah, "she is diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder, common in older adopted children. It manifests as outbursts of rage and aggression."
Her son Corey spent the first 12 years of his life on the streets of Baltimore with a mother who was a drug-addicted prostitute. Corey has learning disabilities and ADHD. "He had a rough start but overall is doing well," says Deborah.
For the last 12 years, Deborah has been battling her school district to make sure that her kids have access to education.
Securing the Right Education for Her Special-Needs Children
"With Ashley, the battle has always been making sure she has sign language support. The school never wants to provide that and each new school year brings new people and the same old battles. For Jessica, the school underestimates her abilities and wants to steer her to a sheltered workshop—I want an academic program for her and they disagree."
Deborah is no stranger to due process; she took on her local school and won. “The due process was over the extended school year,” said Deborah. “I contended that Ashley needed the consistency of a year-round educational program. The school district refused; each summer and winter/spring break, I would see Ashley regress. They would try blaming it on her developmental delay.”
Deborah tried negotiating with the school and turned to mediation, but nothing worked out. “I obtained private evaluations by an expert they couldn't refute, and with the help of a very dedicated legal staff, I won. It cost me a second mortgage on my house, but at least Ashley gets year-round schooling now. It was extremely grueling and stressful, but the result was worth it. Ashley has really flourished.”
