It’s a dangerous and unfortunate reality that children and adolescents with disabilities are often excluded from mainstream sexual education provided by schools. For most parents, broaching the subject of sex with their children is an extremely uncomfortable experience.
Parents of children with special needs may be more likely to avoid the topic due to the added anxiety and uncertainty associated with how their child’s disability might affect sexuality. While it may be extraordinarily difficult for parents, spiking rates of exploitation, teenage pregnancy, and sexually transmitted diseases send a clear message. The need for children and teens with disabilities to receive comprehensive sexual education is even more urgent than that of their typical peers.
According to the U.S. Sex Information and Education Council, a comprehensive sexual education should include three components:
Facts and Information: Teach children the appropriate terminology to describe their body parts. As children mature, open discussions on reproduction, masturbation, pregnancy, child birth, sexual orientation, contraception, HIV/AIDS, and other sexually transmitted diseases.
Values, feelings, and attitudes: Sexual education is about much more than the detached distribution of facts. Children, especially teenagers, should feel safe to assess, explore, and evaluate the attitudes associated with sexuality from the perspectives of their family, religious, and societal cultures. The process of value formation has the potential to build or damage self-esteem. It is imperative for parents to support their children’s curiosity and confidence during this vulnerable time.
Skills to communicate and act responsibly: Interpersonal communication skills, assertiveness, and decision-making are safety guards to prevent exploitation. Children with special needs may require additional support to establish healthy and satisfying relationships. Positive and negative experiences with others are essential to practice social skills, like peer refusal.
The knowledge, skills, and empowerment parents provide through comprehensive sexual education promote children’s ability to live, work, and play in meaningful ways. Research shows that teenagers who feel empowered are more likely to make responsible decisions, including practicing abstinence, postponing early sexual involvement, and using contraception. The choice to remain abstinent is more common among teens who receive comprehensive sexual education than those only offered information on abstinence.
The number and depths of discussions necessary to provide a truly comprehensive sexual education can seem daunting. These discussions should begin, however, as early as possible. Many parents find it more helpful to conceptualize this important aspect of parenting as an ongoing dialogue rather than a few isolated “sex talks”.
This dialogue should include information on how your child’s disability will affect his or her sexuality. If your child has a physical disability, consider differences in sensation, muscle loss, fatigue, and medication side-effects. For children with intellectual disabilities, keep information concrete, provide visual aids, and be prepared to repeat, repeat, and repeat again. The National Consortium on Leadership and Disability for Youth has developed the POWER approach for parents of children with special needs:
Prepare: Educate yourself before talking to your child. The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability by Kaufman, Silverberg, and Odette is an excellent place to start. If you don’t know the answer to a question, find an expert who does.
Open attitudes: Children with special needs that develop positive self-esteems and use their personal power to make healthy decisions come from homes where disability is always an accepted topic of discussion. Adolescents, especially, will need extensive support from open-minded families to overcome the stifling stigmas pervasive in society. Everyone has a right to pursue healthy and satisfying relationships.
Where are you? Whether physically available or not, your child must always perceive you as PRESENT. Be available for dialogue, but it’s also essential for parents to take the initiative to start the often uncomfortable discussions associated with sexual education. Ensure your child that your primary motivation is his or her best interest.
Exposure: Youth with disabilities should have the opportunity to meet and interact with people with and without disabilities of all ages. Peer mentorship has proven a successful way for teens with disabilities to seek support during the years it is most difficult to maintain a positive self-image. Most major disability organizations have opportunities for youth involvement.
Reality check: Teenagers with disabilities experience the same urges, needs, and desires as their hormone-driven typical peers. Recognize that children with disabilities have the same needs for support and protection during these vulnerable years. Establish standards and expectations for your child that are comparable to those set for typical siblings or peers.
The provision of sexual education to children of all abilities doesn’t have to be an incredibly awkward and uncomfortable experience. By setting the stage for open, clear, and honest dialogues, parents build trust and confidence in their children. It’s a unique opportunity to strengthen the parental bond, practice empathy, and make a real difference in the quality of life experienced by your child with special needs.
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