It’s hard to believe that twenty years have passed since the ADA was put into law.  I remember the day when George Bush signed the legislation.  Wow, that was twenty years ago?

            This milestone gave me cause to look back on how far I’ve come as a disabled person and what I’ve learned.  Life teaches us many things and hopefully we grow.  (I know my belly has.)  Having gone through the majority of the journey as a disabled person, I’ve gained some important insight I would like to share. 

Use What You Got

            Yeah, we all know it sucks to be disabled… for the most part.  But, come on, I’d be a fool if I didn’t admit there were some positive things.  The obvious thing is the handicap parking spot but we all know about that so I don’t want to beat a dead horse.

            What I like about being disabled is you don’t have to do anything and people find you inspiring.  “My God, you’re unbelievable the way you, you, you… talk!”  My reply, “Lady, you think that’s amazing, you see me brush my teeth.  It’s breath taking, not to mention, minty fresh.”

            There are times when you can play the sympathy card.  I always like to use… my spasms are acting up.  “No, I wish I could watch your kid for you but… it’s my

legs... they’re going crazy.  But, be careful, do NOT abuse this power or when you really do need help it won’t be available.  Use your disability wisely. My disability has gotten me out of jury duty, and I use my ability to get out of things I hate doing.  

            One final perk:  Two words: Amusement parks.  When you’re in a wheelchair they move you right to the front of those long lines.   To see the look on the disgruntled line-waiter’s faces as they wish, “Why?  Why can’t I be crippled?”  Little do they know, down deep, they are all crippled in some way.  People often request my services.  I have made a lot of extra money allowing families to bring me to Disneyland to bypass the exhausting wait in line.  (Incidentally, I’m listed in the phone book under RENT-A-GIMP.)

            It’s not easy out there in the cold world which is why I suggest taking advantage of your disadvantage.  I would really hate for you to do more than you really need to.  If it bothers you, just think about the snakes that park in are handicap spots.  That’s what I’m talking about.

 

Jeff Charlebois is a “sit-down” comedian, blogger and quadriplegic