To date or not to date. For some people with disabilities, that is the question when it comes to dating others with a disability. While these potential partners can be appealing in so many ways, certain people avoid others with disabilities for fear of being typecast. Yet there are plenty of super reasons to date somebody with a disability. So let’s take a good look at what makes these individuals so incredibly attractive.

Mutual Disability Understanding
People with a disability will often intentionally date others with a disability simply because they feel understood. Even if your conditions aren’t the same, you “get” each other already.

You don’t need to explain yourself or educate your new partner. You don’t need to protect your partner from your scars, assistive devices, or ostomy bags. You can just “be” in a comfortable space together that isn’t easily created with able-bodied partners.

Sense of Equality
People with a disability, in many ways, prefer the greater equality that comes with dating someone else with a disability. Since both partners are in the same boat, there are fewer power imbalances. The sense of safety and emotional well-being that can come from this kind of partnership is priceless for many.

Less Chance of Rejection
A sad reality of trying to date able-bodied individuals is that some are afraid to get involved. Even when an able-bodied person is willing to be open-minded, testing the waters can invite a degree of uncertainty. This can lead to either partner experiencing insecurity and decreased trust, which is more strain than you may be willing to handle. For some individuals, staying within the disability community provides a certain degree of emotional protection, ease, and comfort that they wouldn’t trade for anything.

It’s Easier to Talk about Sex
Able-bodied people tend to know nothing about the sex lives of people with disabilities, believing that it’s non-existent or that you’re really skilled with your tongue. Thus, some may make assumptions about the types of activities and positions you’d be up for, as well as your desires, wants, and needs. They may also treat you as though you are fragile.

A person with a disability is likelier to be on the same plane when it comes to sex. With that, it can be easier for would-be lovers to talk about their abilities, limits and sexual longings. Lovers know each other’s sexual possibilities and can more openly discuss issues, like how to satisfy one another.

Now, while all of this can be very appealing, there are a couple of things partners with disabilities need to keep in mind as their relationship progresses.

1.  People with disabilities are often turned off to the competition that occasionally comes when dating another person with a disability. Some relationships have gone sour as partners become consumed with being deemed the one who is “more disabled.” So couples need to keep each other in check, making sure that this rather trivial issue doesn’t make or break their relationship.

2.  A challenge that can come with dating others with disabilities may surface in the bedroom: the advantage of having an able-bodied lover is that that person can help to make things happen in the boudoir. Yet when both lovers have a disability, they may need to have attendant services, which can be undesirable.

The good news is that there are videotapes available, like Sexuality Reborn and Untold Desires, which frankly educate those with physical challenges and their lovers about how they can truly enjoy their sex lives, with or without assistance.

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Check out Tiffiny Carlson's blog, As a Wheelchair User Who Enjoys Sex, My Partner's Hip Flexors Are a Must!