Being gay or lesbian with a disability makes you a minority times two. Discrimination can come from many different sources, even within either of those communities, the very places where you’d expect support. But there are locations where people exactly like you can find a community of comfort and inclusion.
LGBTs with disabilities have unique challenges to face. Do you out your sexual orientation? How about a hidden disability? And how do you deal with a public that still largely sees people with disabilities as somehow gender neutral?
Fortunately, there are resources available so you don’t have to feel isolated and alone. Explore the following options:
• Regard - Sure, it’s based in the U.K., but this is still the most comprehensive site for people with disabilities who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. Leave it to the Brits to tackle media perception, a lesbian and gay film festival, access to London Pride, government legislation and representation, LGBT group gatherings in friendly venues, and more!
Check out prominent member Karen Shook’s hilarious interview in Diva magazine under the title, “Sex On Wheels – Disabled Dykes On Getting Frisky.” That’s right, sexuality and disability are explored with a humorous bent while not circumventing the nuts and bolts of the topic.
“Of course you can have sex in a wheelchair,” comedian Shook deadpans in her monologue about an encounter with a nosy matron in line at the grocery store. “But you’ve got to put the brakes on first.” Refreshing!
• ReachOut USA - Yes! We Yanks have a site that centers on ending social stigmas and inequalities in the LGBT community. Services include peer support, advocacy and outreach, and community training. Start by joining the online community. See "comments" below this article for more information or go directly to their website.
• Disability Now - The United Kingdom’s umbrella organization for people with disabilities doesn’t shy away if members happen to be gay or lesbian. Check out Ju Gosling’s (it comes as no surprise she’s from Regard) guest column about “Why it’s still not safe to come out.”
It’s a little confusing at first, since the laws across the pond are different than here in the U.S. But you’ll soon realize we’re both fighting the same essential battle, and the parallels are much more striking than the disparities.
• The Sexual Politics of Disability - By Tom Shakespeare et al., the core theme of this 224-page paperback is the intersection of disability and sexuality. The book frankly discusses individual rights and their relationship to cultural and sexual mores and the political arena. Highly recommended reading for base knowledge.
• BFLAG - Blind, Friends, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender people are targeted here, where you can find accessible information facilitating a “free exchange of ideas, opinions and information relative to matters of concern” for its audience of visually impaired LGBTs.
• Deaf Queer Resource Center (DQRC) - Providing comprehensive information for all those who have a hearing impairment and alternate sexual orientation, the site boasts multiple awards and monthly visits of more than 15,000. Chat, FAQs and a news blog are featured content.
• Passing Twice - Stutterers who are homosexual or bisexual gain relief from isolation with a newsletter, annual meetings, workshops and more. Check out their photo gallery, or read about “famous gay stutterers in art and real life.” The site also has a listing of upcoming events, special links, and more.
• Nothing to Hide: Gay People with Disabilities Come Out of the Closet - Anna Quon writes a convincing piece on being gay and having a disability in Canada, including discrimination within the gay community. Don’t miss the list of resources in our neighbor to the north at the end of these compelling vignettes.
Are you a wheelchair user and still feeling alone? Then make plans to attend the 2010 Gay Games VIII in Cologne, Germany, where you can compete in the popular Modern Ballroom or Latin American Wheelchair Dancing.
Invite all your friends, because you don’t have to be gay or lesbian (hey, you don’t even have to have talent!) to perform in this truly inclusive event, where couples consist simply of one person in a wheelchair and another in the upright position. Even if you don’t compete, the party atmosphere at the world’s biggest sports and cultural festival could be worth the trip.
Alternatively, book a flight for the World Outgames, which offers wheelchair dance in both standard and Latin categories. They'll even tell you how to check out their Facebook group to find a partner.
Take a chance; the friends you’ll make can last a lifetime.
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