We all have days when we are irritable and hypersensitive; our fuses might be shorter than usual, when anger comes easily.  Many attempt to justify the anger, but when it comes right down to it, there are no excuses for behaving badly.

Anger Barrier
Anger is not a true emotion, but a barrier to suppressed feelings, feelings that are often too painful to explore. True emotions are often found beneath the surface of the anger.  It is sometimes much easier to express anger than to speak of our real feelings.  However, to stop the anger-cycle the emotional layers must be peeled back to expose the real true feelings beneath.

Negativity
Negative thoughts about a person will feed anger; it becomes an easy distraction from the truth.  To make matters worse, many tend to convolute the issue further by bringing in unrelated issues.  A classic example is the husband who forgot his wife’s birthday.  The wife is disappointed, but never says this.  Instead she gets angry and picks on something unrelated, like he forgot to take out the garbage.    
 
Negativity is a potent trigger point and the only way to disarm it is to turn it around and look for the positive.  Instead of suppressing the disappointment, express it. 

Anger Trigger Points
For some it is difficult to determine trigger points.  Triggers could be an event, a behavior, a thought, or a hated expression:

• Event:  Every year on the eve of dad’s death Mary becomes hostile and angry. 
• Behavior:  I just go ballistic when mom points her finger at me.
• Thought:  Every time Jan thinks of her in-laws, she gets so angry and takes it out on me. 

 If you know that taking the kids to soccer practice on Saturday is a trigger for you, then instead of getting angry talk to your husband about taking turns.  He might be happy to do it and all you had to do was ask. 

This may sound simple, and it is!  If you want to derail the anger then you must be self-aware and willing to make the effort to change.  Determining one’s trigger points is the first step to self-awareness and recovery.

Self-Awareness
Frankly, it does not matter how many anger management classes or self-help books a person reads on the subject.  The first step to any change program is self-awareness.  Blame, denial, and excuses will not help on the path to defusing angry outbursts. 

Holms Rahe Scale
The world is a stressful place and just getting through the day can be a challenge for many.  Unmanaged stress can easily lead to irritability, which in turn can easily become an angry outburst.  In 1967, a simple event scale was introduced to help pinpoint key stressors.  The top three major stressors still are:
 
1. Death of a spouse
2. Divorce
3. Marital separation

In conclusion, learn to forgive others, and yourself.  We all get angry from time to time.  The next time you feel an anger episode coming on, close your eyes and imagine a life without the person. Oftentimes a shot of realty is the greatest form of self-help.

Dr. Mundorff is the author of several books. Her latest book, Take Control: A guide to holistic living is an innovative health guide, which helps the reader learn how to regain control of their health by discovering the practical effectiveness of combining alternative and modern medicine.

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