Last post Tue, May 27 2008 9:59 AM by CNo64. 25 replies.
I say that only because Doctors seem to have this need to talk in term over and above laypeople just won't get. I can't say all Doctors but many of the ones I've dealt with for both my Dad and I. An example might be a complex medical term my Doctor used to describe why they wouldn't give me high blood presssure medication during my stroke trip to the hospital. He used it in a letter he wrote describing how and they did what they did during my 3 day hospital stay. Because I was going to file a grievance - apparently these complex medical terms makes them feel smarter then you or I. I had to search the Internet to find out the meaning of this medical term because its used no where else. My current primary care doc is younger than I and when I describe the aches and pains I'm having for example - he can't possibly know what I'm feeling. Whether its an age thing I'm not really sure. So I'm saying as for my own experiences I don't trust all things any Doctor says. I can say my Neurologist - who impressed me by doing my spinal tap (they wanted to rule out Cerebal Palsy for my stroke) in five minutes and without pain also by his enormous graduating certificate from the University of Bombay - sweat to to God it was framed and took up one wall in his exam room had the best bed side manner and talked to me as an equal, spoke with my visitors and friends, as the smartest, coolest Doctor I ever met. I was really sad when he accepted a promotion across the country happily to be with his family. I looked forward to his morning rounds because he was more informative then all of the ward Doctors treating me. He was already head of the HMO's Neurology department here - gosh I guess his next promotions would be to an angel or something as powerful.
I have been reading this thread, and although I don't have any suggestions that haven't already been made, I wanted to tell you that I applaud you for your commitment to your family. And also, a stroke survivor who wants to get better gets better. It might just take a while. I have to remind myself of that frequently! Keepig the survivor going is the hard part. Keep on caring. You sound like you are doing so much already. I wish I had someone who cared as much as you in the early days. You're doing a wonderful job.
Beth
toriam2006: Keepig the survivor going is the hard part. Beth
Keepig the survivor going is the hard part.
The survivor, in his/her own way and time, has to be the one who determines, "I may be down, but I'm not out!"Also, if the survivor is anything like I was, he/she will have days of bawling, sniveling, slacking and otherwise acting like the Gutless Wonder, but that's part of the process, and will pass in time.Whatever you do, please don't ever tell a stroke survivor, "You haven't made as much progress as you'd like because you're just not willing to work at your therapy!"Instead of motivating him/her to try harder to get better, it will just make the survivor, who is probably already depressed and in pain, want to vomit on your shoes. Believe me, I know from experience.
I think it's far more helpful to say things like, "Yes, this is terribly, awfully hard, but I know you can do it; I know you, and I know you're tough!"It would have helped me so much if, in the days immediately following my stroke, someone had acknowledged to me, "Yes, this is hard; it's not that you're weak or lazy!"I did have one(1) doctor say as much, and it cheered me immensely.Carla N.
I totally agree, Carla. I'm not a huge fan of blaming the victim when they are doing all they can to mitigate the circumstances. It's also a sad fact that some people will not get better, no matter what they do. Should we blame them for not trying hard enough?
"I believe everything out of the common. The only thing to distrust is the normal."John Buchan
Liesl: I totally agree, Carla. I'm not a huge fan of blaming the victim when they are doing all they can to mitigate the circumstances. It's also a sad fact that some people will not get better, no matter what they do. Should we blame them for not trying hard enough?
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I shivered when I read your post, Carla. I get those, too. My mom cringes whenever I mention my "disabled" status and refuses to use that word for me. Come on! reality is reality and t'ain't nohin' gonna change it!
Liesl: My mom cringes whenever I mention my "disabled" status and refuses to use that word for me. Come on! reality is reality and t'ain't nohin' gonna change it!
My mom cringes whenever I mention my "disabled" status and refuses to use that word for me. Come on! reality is reality and t'ain't nohin' gonna change it!
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! Does that mean I can no longer fit into my size 2 clothes because I don't want to? Oh, wait... that was is true. Seriously, though, I think I would have thrown up on that woman if she had said that to me! Or farted in her general direction. I know people mean well, but they just don't think.
How long between strokes? I've only had one but had a grand malsezure recently. Wish I could see the next train coming.I can't remember if my short term memerory was effected. But I do know that things have done nothing but get better since my stroke accept for that sezure. Scared my wife almost to death, she thought I was dieing.
Hi, Bonnie, I am not sure what you mean by denial. From what you wrote your mom has come a long way back already. Strokes are funny how they effect people differently. It looks like she has progressed well with your care. The road forward may not take back to where she was but many people find the new path rich and rewarding. Since my brain hemorrhage and 2 strokes I am no longer able to hike 14'ners, bike 26 miles or do my body building. However, since my incident I have lived in China for 16 months, the Philippines for 3 months, married a completely wonderful Filipina who accepts my limitations, Done volunteer work with other stroke patients and lived a more blessed life.
As for getting "stuck"...happens to me all the time. I had to learn to tell myself to do whatever action I need, like stand, walk, wash my arm, put on my shoe, etc. I still do this every day but have found many things get easier although I surely get tired frequently but get on pretty well. It might help if she tries this. BTW, When I say "tell myself" I mean just that. I mentally say to myself what I need to do. I also find slightly rocking my weight side to side will get me unstuck. LOL
It sounds like you are doing the right things so good luck and maybe don't focus on what was but focus on what is.
mktbob55: As for getting "stuck"...happens to me all the time. I had to learn to tell myself to do whatever action I need, like stand, walk, wash my arm, put on my shoe, etc. I still do this every day but have found many things get easier although I surely get tired frequently but get on pretty well. It might help if she tries this. BTW, When I say "tell myself" I mean just that. I mentally say to myself what I need to do. I also find slightly rocking my weight side to side will get me unstuck. LOL
If my own experience is any indication, this sort of thing is very common among stroke survivors.
For example, when I walk, I have to consciously tell my left(affected) leg, "Now, step." It's still such a thrill when that leg obeys and takes a step. There was a time when that leg wouldn't do anything. I had to have someone else move that leg for me.
All this to say: If you need some extra "cues" at this point, try to just go with it, because it may not always be that way. I hope this is encouraging for you.
Carla N.
