Last post Mon, Aug 18 2008 9:22 PM by Kahli. 64 replies.
you're right guys. Sometimes admitting defeat is a lot easier than continually to keep getting knocked down. I have not put this opportunity of getting out of my mind completely. But understand your feelings. I have found no luck besides casual acquaintances. But I appreciate these relationships. I realized I would never have a long list and a black book somewhere of my conquests. But I'll take what I can get. A casual flirt and good conversation with a pretty woman can sometimes be enough.
By the way, there is porn, lol!
I don't know how "legal" this may be but I'd like to refer you to what I wrote about dating people with disabilities of any nature by going to one of my blog style pages on myspace.
There is too much to say here and in fairness to all who may struggle with dating issues, you may be surprised at how many of us with minor challenges would simply give almost anything to just meet someone and fall in love - after all, in any relationship you make changes to your life to make your relationship work. Those changes can take many forms.
In short, here is the link and I hope this is not deletetd because below it are links to my main page about me as well as my thoughts on adopting special needs children. It is myspace dot com /grahamsea.
Feel free to leave your feedback there as I have it linked to my gmail and can respond quickly. First, so no one is offended, I am a gay male. But in general, I am a man with a heart and there are a lot of us out there.
Finding this site has been answer to a question I have asked for some time now - where to find those who may be physically challenged but still want to date. And that makes me a very happy person if for nothing more than to make new friends - and sure, if I meet someone special, well, that just makes it that much better.
Take Care!
Warmly,
Graham
Only twice in my life I went all the way with a woman.
And I felt that they were only "doing me a favor" kind of thing, never felt genuine feelings from them or any woman
I too experience the "lets just be friends" excuse. So I go be a different approach towards women, I dont approach them, I let them approach me first. And choose women I want to associate with, not what others think I should associate with, they have no clue on my taste in women, only I do. Who are they to say anthing right?
Now its been a very long time I been in a "relationship" with anyone, I focus on me, let the chips fall where they may or not. Either with or without a woman, Im going to do what I do regardless.
Ryan - I could write a book to you but I won't - if you contact me, I will explain in detail as your situation, while sensitive in nature, has a slightly deeper tie that I am willing to expose to others whom I have yet to meet.
First, I am gay. Second, I am from ET. Third, I raised a handicapped Mom who was divorced. Fourth, you are way too you to be in your position.
So here is the deal, if you want advice from a former straight guy who dated women and one straight disable man (long story - he is still straight), I will share some insight.
However, looking at your profile and seeing you do web design, I may also be able to give you some business but let's tackle on thing at a time.
I am in the process of building a Q&A Blog page on dating those with disabilities. I have already blogged about it at WordPress and will send you the link if interested.
Before I changed my major in college, I studied two years of Human Sexuality, Intimate Behavior and Relationships. After school, I spent four more years studying relationships in every aspect - straight and gay.
I am not a licensed therapist but I have a head full of knowledge and am willing to share it.
You may reply here or drop a line to graham.ksea at gmail dot cm. Not sure if I am allowed to place email in here.
Take Care and Keep that chin up - there is a life out there in the significant others department. And someone for you - you just need to know how to approach things.
http://grahamkmem.wordpress.com/2008/06/25/graham-on-dating-someone-with-a-disability/
grahamkmem.wordpress.com
Age:23
Disability: AKA Bilateral, use wheelchair or prosthetic legs with crutches, whichever i prefer
Dating experience: Ive had SEVERAL able bodied girlfriends in my life, most with intimatacy, and right now am engaged with 1 2year old daughter and 2 step daughters.
How I accomplished this in life: I NEVER let anyone get me down. I have had the girls who said "Oh, I cant date you because you're like a brother to me. . ." translating to "I wont date you because you're crippled"
You have to find the right girl/woman who is understanding. I always act normal on the computer and then a little into conversation I break the ice with "Well. . .have you ever been with a man or considered being with a man with a disability?" I dont pull the pity party thing, Im always very open and honest and if i'm not good enough for them then why stoop down to their level. I have standards too. If you're too much of a B to date me, then I dont have time for you. I dont have time for games. Im a man and I have a life to live, and im going to live it to the fullest, not letting anyone or anything get me down.
If you do decide to get sexual, you find ways to make it work. You experiment and try different positions. NOBODY likes it the same way every time. . .just plain and simple. Where theres a wheel (or 4 in my case), theres a way ;)
Nate
Kudos to you Nate. It is all about the attitude.
As far as dating sites go, have you tried Disaboom's own http://www.lovebyrd.com/index.php ?
It sounds like you have an issue attracting women. If you are making friends with women that is shooting yourself in the foot. Read a couple of books on attraction. Good luck.
Resurrecting this thread:
1. I'm bisexual, but that's only a label of political convenience.
2. My disabilities: are blindness, I can see some shapes and colors especially where there is contrast. I also have Spastic CP (quad or Diplegia depending on who you ask.)
3. Your mobility: At present I consider myself a full-time chair user, although if I hold on to things I can do standing transfers and take a few steps. At home I mainly get around by or crawling, plus my manual with my powerchair for outdoors in my rather hilly hometown.
4. Your current relationship status: Single, too busy in law school.
5. If you are currently single, have you been in relationships in the
past? My serious relationships up to this point can be evenly divided between disabled and TAB, I've been dating since high school. I've been on exactly one date in the last year, but then again I'm not really looking...
6. How have you dealt with intimacy issues in regards to
bladder/bowel control problems? If someone I'm dating should happen to see my self-cath supplies (I have a small apartment it has happened:), I will (and have) answered any questions. It is important to be up-front, but confident. I learned this lesson the hard way when I had an accident while my first gf (second relationship) were sleeping together; I hadn't thought important to tell her beforehand.
8. Do you live with your parents or on your own and if you live on
your own and are in a relationship, do you think that played a role
in your eventually finding one? I've lived on my own since 20 (before that from 18-19) and I totally think having a place you can call your own and that you are proud to bring dates, girlfriends whatever is important.
9. If you've had relationships or are in one, how old were you when
you had your first girlfriend/boyfriend? hmmm... 15 (long-term sexual relationship) 18 (actual romantic thing)
10. Any other general thoughts on being disabled and dating that you'd like to add
As much as I'm in to the Nietzschean "rejoice in your hump" idea (F.W. Nietzsche, Thus Spake Zarathustra) and I live to be not normal, it is hard when not being normal makes one feel as though they must do the lion’s share of the work when seeking out people.
Well Kahli I will ping in as a man on this one I bailed after 25 years of marriage and perhaps my take on things is pretty different because I am also over 50 and wmens lists get way shorter by then if they are singl. (just homor ladies)
I am a T6 T8 spinal cord injury and you an also add L4&5 Spinal Stenosis so I usually walk with a cane, but will also use a chair or any other means to remain mobile. Plus I am one half deaf so in short over 50 and that list one might think I've no life.
I truly have not had any trobule meeting people or women or with dating and I have never used the internet in any way to meet any of he three women I date. Yes I am honest with them and after getting out of 25 years of marriage am not even thinking of setteling down and not unlike me they also are just not ready to give up their life style so anyway no one is unhappy and each of them have qualities I like.
I met them all in some sort of social function be it an art show, or one just passing on the street the same time every day until one day I said good afternoon and a conversation started. One on a train trip because well taking a train offers more comfort better views and less hassle then travling by air so I suppose I just meet people.
As far as approaches well just be yourself I tend to be outgoing listen to what people are talking about and usually respond as apposed to come on lines. In short I am just myself and like it or not thats all there is. Like I said because I am older there is no need for anyone to really prove a thing.
Needless to say I have a 23 year old AB male son living with me hence I do not bring women home and if I cannot he cannot as in stay the night. For me it is not comfortable having a women friend over in front of him and I sure do not want to know his sex life.
Asmany of the women here pointed out and I agree with them the down fall of most younger men is that woemn are looking at the man his sum total what is in his heart and mind all that girl type stuff. If you are just yourself most women would not oppse meeting you they tend to look much deeper then me do whch might be in most cases looks.
So in general being disabled really is what you feel about yourself. I have o doubts about whom or what I am and I project that and I also project myself as being secure and feeling good about myself and what abilities. All three women have said pretty much shut up as I try to explain my gimps they say I hardly noticed that I noticed you as a man. Not a bad feeling being called cute in a bar at my age by a woman also my age but it is fun.
Intimate issues there have been none really and I will not go into detail other then to say smiles are good. If I can date at my age you can at yours I would think just get out into the world the right person will not fall into your lap or be aphoto at match dot com.
Hang in there all you, I can see your frustration. We may have disabilities but I'd like to believe that is not all we are. We have feelings, goals, a heart, desires, expectations etc. All realistic things to want. I have always believed there is some one out there for us all. Don't give up and there are plenty who look at the entire package and your heart and not just the disability. Good Luck.
Hi everyone, I'm fairly new here and I'm really glad you folks are writting on this matter. I'm gonna read more and write more later and I'm starting to hurt just a bit too much. Thank you so much for shareing what you have. I don't feel as alone. Dave
