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Posted on: Thu, Apr 10 2008 8:45 PM

Posted by: Lieslmcq Posts: 2,303

TriDog:

But, she didn't ask for support. She asked for opinion.  Sorry, but I believe she is being a spoiled brat expecting more from her mother in law and not from her husband or her own mother.

See, this is exactly what I'm talking about: we don't know if the above statement is true because she never said she doesn't expect the same from her husband and mother. You're making a huge assumption there about something that really has little to do with her original question.

Posted on: Thu, Apr 10 2008 8:56 PM

Posted by: Lieslmcq Posts: 2,303

IamwhatIam:

Liesl,  What is the point of asking for someone's opinion when you don't really want it.  First, I simply agreed with her when  she was asking if she was acting like a spoiled brat.  Becky came here of her free will and told her story and asked for an opinion. I believe her mother-in-law deserves the benefit of the doubt.  She was viciously attacked, and she deserves someone to defend her too.

Why? her mother in law isn't here, as far as we know. Why would you even need to defend someone who doesn't have a vested interest in this thread because she is not a participant?

IamwhatIam:

You would rather I ignore my response to her, rather than be honest?  What type of board would this be without open dialogue?  Do you just want sweetness and light?  That is not real life, I am afraid.  If that is the type of phoniness that is wanted on this board, there will be the Pollyannas that will stick around, but those who really need honest information and support will soon tire of the shallowness and find a place where they can be themselves.  Life is not a Harlequin novel, and it doesn't always have a happy ending.   

I never indicated any of the above paragraph. You are reading into my response as you read into the OP's post. There is a HUGE difference between giving someone a reasoned, compassionate response, even when you think they're behaving badly and just rupping someone a new one, insulting them, etc. Believe me, I know; I used to be ALL about "calling people on their b.s." In the end, it does no good and just spreads a little more emnity around.

IamwhatIam:

 

Me stating the facts of my personal situation was , indeed, not appropriate, and I do not begrudge anyone who has more function than I do, but I do lose patience when someone who can move, breathe, eat and speak, tells me that I don't know how bad she has it.  I have staff that do everything for me.  I don't have to lift a finger, even if I could.  If Becky would like to change places with me, I would be thrilled to have to hop around on one leg, cooking a meal. If she wants to complain, that  is fine with me, but don't tell me I don't know.

I get that you're frustrated with someone who doesn't have the challenges (putting it lightly) you have. I don't blame you one bit. There's no question that people thinking they have it harder than everyone else is one of the more frustrating parts of life. I know your response was emotional, and I get that, too.

Posted on: Thu, Apr 10 2008 9:13 PM

Posted by: Lieslmcq Posts: 2,303

Becky:

I was in ICU for four days. I was sick with ileus and just told I had cancer and a 50% percent chance to live. And please don't write and tell me 50% is better than nothing. Let's see you deal with being told that and think about your children, and not seeing them grow up to be men. 

You have no idea what a person has to do when they have CANCER.

And thanks Shelley for praising two of the worst offenders on this post, really classy.

OK, now I have to take issue with one of your posts, Becky. You're on a site devoted to people with disabilities, so assuming that people haven't been through what you've been through and worse is not the wisest move. If you read any of IamwhatIam's story you'd see that he does indeed know what it's like to have very, very serious disability. In the end, does it matter? No one can understand what others go through, nor she we expect them to. That's just not the issue.

Also? the comment about Shelley was unnecessary. She was trying to let everyone know she appreciated their comments and valued their opinions. Not only is there nothing wrong with that, it is a kind and generous thing to do.

Posted on: Thu, Apr 10 2008 9:22 PM

Posted by: TriDog Posts: 1,789

Liesl:

See, this is exactly what I'm talking about: we don't know if the above statement is true because she never said she doesn't expect the same from her husband and mother. You're making a huge assumption there about something that really has little to do with her original question.

Well, let's break it down...  1.  Title of the thread "I need your opinion".  I gave mine.  2.  Maybe I could be wrong about her husband and mother, but again, it was my opinion. Seems to sum it up. My work is done here.

Posted on: Thu, Apr 10 2008 9:24 PM

Posted by: epylar Posts: 3

hi becky- my son is a t-3 para as of 2003- i  stayed at the hospital with him daily for 5 months 8-12 hours a day then he went to the next hospital and i went 2 x's a week for a month. then he came home to complete bed rest for over a year while a sacral bed sore healed.  during this time he went ,in a prone position,  in an ambulance, three times a week or more ...120 miles to the hospital for outpatient care; in a body brace with a chin support because he couldn't hold up his head.   then he had wound surgery and he begged me to take him home before he was ready, and i didn't.  then six months later he had his back surgery so he could sit up again for the 1st time in two years.  i cared for him daily... he was 25 and i was 51.  i physically removed impacted fecal matter for him, i cath'ed him, i did his wound care; and when the professionals told me it was time- i helped him get his own place to live.  he has invited me over 3 times in two years.  i has aides to do the nasty things now, and he is trying so hard to LIVE... he is 29 now... he is doing as well as he can; he has fallen, he has been ill, he has had a lot of troubles... but he is doing it !!  nobody in my family has built a ramp so he can visit, nobody visits him, or calls him any more.   but he is trying to be as normal as a t-3 para can be, and i am proud of him.  i am sure that everyone in your life is holding their breath

like i do with my son, whom i love as much as humanly possible.  everyone is waiting for you to come to some acceptance and love of your life; as tough as it is,  and begin anew with the limitations that you now have, and to watch your children's sports, clean nd cook, and make love to your hubby, and realize that life is ... whatever you make of it..

Posted on: Thu, Apr 10 2008 9:46 PM

Posted by: Bozinski20 Posts: 2

I think you are going off the deep end.  Forgiveness is the greatest feeling in the world.  These people have loved you for years and your upset over dinner?  I am facing Radiation OR an amputation and am very curious about your story.  You may be someone who can help me.

However, I have to say I think your in the wrong on this as a total stranger.  I appreciate the help I get on crutches, but the day you start acting like an amputee or disabled (on crutches) what have you is the day you are disabled.  Did you ask if she could help cook?  Its amazing how beautiful communication can be.

God Bless and I hope your situation works out!

Adam

Posted on: Fri, Apr 11 2008 3:09 AM

Posted by: Becky Posts: 1,551

Liesl, I never in a million years meant to imply that I had it worse than others, ever. I know that is not true. I have been a nurse for 30 years and I have seen many, many things, kids dying from cystic fibrosis, people with cancer, I could go on and on. I know I do not have it worse than others. What I meant to imply was that when I said I was in the ICU for four days was mainly meant to tell IAM that I was in no condition to say anything untoward or otherwise to my in-laws. I meant to say that I was really sick and reeling from the news that I had cancer. That was a typo, I left out the "N." I would never wish cancer on someone. I've been a nurse and caretaker for my entire adult life. I am not assuming, nor would I ever assume that I have been through more or experienced more than any one else. Both of my parents have had cancer, my dad had bladder cancer and lost 1/3 of his bladder when I was age 12 and my mother when I was 30. Would I wish that on anyone? If you think so, you don't know me,.

My basic premise here is that they abandoned me and I cannot forgive them for it. I thought I meant something more to them and I feel lied to. I feel like I can never trust them again to have my best interest at heart, to really care about me. 

I am being pleasant to them. I talk to my MIL regularly. I just had them over for Easter dinner. I know I am not their daughter, but I am not just a piece of crap either. I have known them for over 27 years and married to their son for 25 years. All I wanted was a little support.

Also, never in a million years would I have jumped on some of you like you have jumped on me. Nice welcome. I was raised on the Golden Rule. Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you. Some of you have been so nice and others very meanspirited. Some of you don't even believe what I am saying. This is not worth the pain and anguish you have caused me. I have had trouble sleeping, I've been so upset. 

We are human beings here, not animals out to get one another or compete with each other. I am sorry I ever asked for help. 

Thank you JellyO for your kind words.

Posted on: Fri, Apr 11 2008 9:39 AM

Posted by: shellGVchick Posts: 1,261

My basic premise here is that they abandoned me and I cannot forgive them for it. I thought I meant something more to them and I feel lied to. I feel like I can never trust them again to have my best interest at heart, to really care about me. 
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Becky you are very selfish, and your mad because you didn't get your way. Lets be honest here. Waaa Waaa Waaaa it's all about Becky and my mother-in-law ditched me waaa waaa waaa. If you can't forgive some one it will only harm you. You think your mother-in-law is sitting at home bitching. You probably do mean something to them but that doesn't mean they are your servants forever. You are responsible for having your best interest at heart. Don't put that off on some one else.

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I have been a nurse for 30 years and I have seen many, many things, kids dying from cystic fibrosis, people with cancer, I could go on and on. 
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Blah Blah again you don't need to be a nurse to see pain, illness, and death, nurses and doctors are trained to do a job and know more then their patients but the patients to me are the ones who get to know every minute detail about their illness or disability. Most study, research, want to know as much as they can.

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I was raised on the Golden Rule. Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you. Some of you have been so nice and others very meanspirited.
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Are you high? You must be. You had support, you got opinions, you got advice, you got listened to. You have gone after Daisies from day one. Beaker, Iam, TriDog, so look in the mirror and take some responsibility. Did you want us all to come on this thread and write to you, "oh you poor poor woman I'm so sorry your mother in law is a terrible woman and she should be your slave" that will never happen until pigs fart pixie dust. You went at me because I like those you don't like. I've always tried to give people the benefit of the doubt, and see both sides, we have a brain and we question you because it seems fishy. Do you realise at your mother-in-laws age that these little petty things don't even come into mind. She's probably wanting as much time as she can. At her age most friends and those she knows starts dying, and then your left with feeling lonely. I know it happened to my nana and she was 87. You had her help for a long time but you can't even look at that and be thankful, your wanting to point fingers and blame.
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This is not worth the pain and anguish you have caused me. I have had trouble sleeping, I've been so upset. We are human beings here, not animals out to get one another or compete with each other. I am sorry I ever asked for help. 

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Again waaa waaa waaa should we call you a waaambulance. You point fingers and place blame without taking any responsibility for your acions and going after people. You think your the only one who has trouble sleeping? Think again. As far as compete with one another you have said from the minute you posted about how bad you've had it and how we don't understand,   I'm sorry I asked for help is another poor me lets have Becky play the victim. When you become a survivor your outlook on life and how you approach everything changes. Victims want the poor me, feel sorry for me, you don't understand, listen to me for the 100th time tell the same thing. When your a survivor you become strong on your own two feet. When your a survivor your proud of what you do even on your worst day. Being a survivor is taking the worst possible thing and making yourself able to cope so you can go on with your life. When your a survivor you have self reflection and you stop blaming and take responsibilty. You are stuck on being a victim.  I think you owe an apology especially to Daisies. I doubt you will.  Don't post on here if you dont want feedback.