Sex, Sexuality & Fertility

Posted on: Tue, Apr 15 2008 7:17 PM

Posted by: Vinny Posts: 746

It's all about the confidence that one shows everyday. I look people straight in the eye, when I speak to them.

"Remember you never get a second chance to make a first impression"

Stay Strong

Vinny

Posted on: Tue, Apr 15 2008 8:14 PM

Posted by: TriDog Posts: 1,899

It's all about how you carry yourself.  If you put out a positive, confident attitude, that's what people will see. 

Let's not fool ourselves, Yes, people see the disability first. It's only human. But if you put out the right attitude, the right people will respond.  If they can't see past the disability, you don't need them in your life.  Move on.

Posted on: Tue, Apr 15 2008 8:17 PM

Posted by: Joel Posts: 631

no.....

I find people in wheel chairs attractive...

I find with one missing leg attractive.........

I don't think someone is going to care if you in a wheelchair to be honest with you

 It depends on how you connect or whatever..

Yes, pyhsical attraction does play a part. BUT, a really hot babe in a wheel chair is just that. A really hot babe in a wheel chair.

Take the model spokesperson featured all over this site.., She is really attractive.. I don't think she is any less

 attractive cause she's in a wheel chair

If you didn't wanna read through all that, the short answer is: No

Posted on: Tue, Apr 15 2008 8:40 PM

Posted by: wheels4law Posts: 349

Usually I do not read this type of message thread but today I am feeling brave and introspective. It should be noted that I needed to read the original posting two or three times but I will try to provide a sincere response to both of the questions that were presented at the end. 

As a person that has had their disability all their life (42 years) separating myself from the disability is difficult at best.  I have spinal muscular atrophy and I am quite disabled.  My disability is part of my persona and consciousness.  It is integral to who I am and what I do.  I mentioned in another message thread that I have been very busy lately.  What has kept me busy lately has been fighting on behalf of a client who is very disabled.  New York City is trying to deny her the proper level of home care services and force her into a traditional/medical model home care agency that would completely control her existence.  I mention this because it demonstrates another characteristic about me which is that I think that arguing and standing up for people is important.  Sometimes these characteristics also turn people off.  Disability is just another part of who I am.  Among the many things that people might find unattractive about me, disability is just one.  Among the many things that I have been accused of include, being opinionated, obnoxious, abrupt, Republican, lawyer, vegetarian, Yankee fan etc..  If they find that unattractive, I do not waste any time on things that are beyond my control.  Basically that is their problem.

From my perspective, I find disability very attractive!  I think I will always be attracted to women with disabilities because I like the idea of someone coming from a similar experience and background.  It is funny, in NYC, the rules of 6° of separation, definitely apply.  If there are two gimps, that have never met before talking to one another, there is almost always some commonality.  That part of a relationship is very important to me.  Much of the superficial able-bodied exploration of another person does not even occur.  That does not mean that people with disabilities are not enjoying their sexuality, it's just that it is different.

I was in a relationship with a woman with cerebral palsy (not the person mentioned above) for a 10 year period that recently ended.  As strange as it might seem, we are still good friends and speak almost daily.  It was a very fulfilling experience that I would not change.  She taught me a lot about myself and, I would like to think that I equally reciprocated.  Although we had our bumps along the way as all couples probably have, we both grew.  Being accepted for just being me, gave me confidence to make some of the broader statements indicated above.

I was going to make a flippant remark, related to being attracted to myself, as is suggested in the final question, as relating to narcissism and masturbation.  But that would be obnoxious.  People already think that about me!

Hope that these comments add to the overall conversation.

Posted on: Tue, Apr 15 2008 9:35 PM

Posted by: PerfectlyImperfect Posts: 873

I was born with ectrodactyly, which basically means I am missing several fingers and toes on each hand and foot. I've never been too fond of the term "disabled" because it makes me feel as if I'm admitting I cannot do things like "normal" people can, which is totally not the case. But anyways, enough of that little tangent. I obviously am physically different, and people tend to notice it. Do I think of myself as less attractive? No. Have other people? Yes. In my freshman year of high school I had a guy who wouldn't date me because of it. But on the other hand, I have had guys who have had no problem wth it. I think that it varies person to person. Do I wish everyone was openminded about dating those of us who look different? Of course. Once I found out the guy in my freshman year didn't want to date me because of my ectrodactyly, I was totally over him. I wasn't and still wont chase after someone who will not love me for me. This condition does not rule my life, but it does make me who I am.

Posted on: Wed, Apr 16 2008 1:16 AM

Posted by: rickq80 Posts: 1

Attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder. I do know when someone gets to know you at a deep level, the dissability becomes just part of the person, like someone being blonde or  having glasses. I will say that when there is a breakup or when a period of time where noone seems to look at you as more than a friend, one can feel Unattractive and start blaming the dissability. I would think also that happends to people who dont have a dissability and may blame it on something else.

 I have only had one "relationship," and this was a girl who intially took interest in me.  During that "relationship" i felt as if i was the luckiest, most hansome, sexy, desirable, man ever to breathe air. So attractiveness can just be in somone's mind.

--- this is my first post btw, Hello everyone =)

Posted on: Wed, Apr 16 2008 7:20 AM

Posted by: TriDog Posts: 1,899

wheels4law:

  Among the many things that I have been accused of include, being opinionated, obnoxious, abrupt, Republican, lawyer, vegetarian, Yankee fan etc.. 

wheels4law,  with the exception of the veggies and the Yankee problem you have, we could be brothers.

Work on that Yankee thing (there is a cure for it) and I'll introduce you to some hot Red Sox chicks.

Posted on: Wed, Apr 16 2008 9:10 AM

Posted by: shellGVchick Posts: 1,261

A republican....boo!  A vegetarian woohoo!  A Yankee fan are you high? Runs and hides lol. That's all cool.

I guess depending on the person, and how they view life and people the answer will be different for every one. I do agree with Joe that how you view yourself is very important. If you have confidence, and have come to terms with accepting your disability I think you see life more brighter. To me it's never mattered. First impressions are just that. I think it's more attractive to me to know some one can be disabled and is still thriving to have a great life, they don't let it slow them down in any sense.

People view myself being deaf as a disability.  I never have.  I guess in part it's because I learned to sign, I learned to read lips, and I can do anything others can do but hear. It's not like I became deaf and never did anything the rest of my life. I know people who never learn to sign and communicate and they become swallowed in isolation. I think it's all how you view yourself that is most important. If you know who you are, and believe in yourself those people who always just look at the disability won't matter.