Last post Wed, Jun 25 2008 6:46 PM by strokie. 66 replies.
wazabiker:Dita, perhaps you are, as the country songs says, "Looking For Love In all The Wrong Places." I enjoy the company of people who look like me. PWDs have the ability to see beyond the disability and into the heart and soul. If you're being rejected because of your disability, you are most likely with the wrong crowd.
Dita, perhaps you are, as the country songs says, "Looking For Love In all The Wrong Places." I enjoy the company of people who look like me. PWDs have the ability to see beyond the disability and into the heart and soul. If you're being rejected because of your disability, you are most likely with the wrong crowd.
As an able bodied person dating a man with a disability, I have to chime in. Although I do not have a disability, I believe I am more than capable of seeing beyond his disability. I hope I don't sound like I have a chip on my shoulder, but there are plenty of able bodied people who feel the same way. Although I agree with Wazabiker, about not wanting to hang out with people who shun you solely because of your physical status, one does not have to hang out with people who look like them as the only way to find acceptance. Disability or no disability, this man is the love of my life. I am more attracted to him physically, emotionally, intellectually, and yes sexually, than any other man I have ever dated. His disability does NOT make him unattractive - not in the least.
Here's a silly story that kind of goes along with this post. This morning I was sitting in his lap in his van, I happened to look out the front window and noticed we were in a handicapped spot, for a second I wondered why we were parked there. Mind you, he was in his chair at the time. He's my man, nothing more, nothing less, I never think of him as my "disabled man" nor do I think of myself as his able bodied partner.
i was answering just the general question in the post's title in reference to society in general and the broad term of attractiveness. for the broader question of "do disabilities make one unattractive" the answer is not as simple as "xyz likes me the way i am." or "i like xyz the way he is." all i was saying was that for society at large ( not anecdotal incidents) certain things are deal breakers, and whether we care to admit it or not, physical or mental capacity are included. to say that people are "the wrong sort of people" just because they have deal breakers isn't fair, because everyone has them and when you are first getting to know someone, it is easier to walk away from those things that you don't really want to deal with. i have gotten to know guys really well, but after finding out about certain aspects about me, they don't want to really date me, which is their right as a human being. it doesn't make them "the wrong sort of person." now does that make it hurt any less? no. and that is what i meant by saying i have experienced enough rejection to know it is best for me to avoid it all right now. i didn't mean to come off as a defeatist, but i am more of a realist. considering what i am trying to accomplish in my life right now, i just don't need the stress or the distraction.
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I will make a stab at this and tend to agree with a few comments. I do not think you can throw out a disability as an unattractive thing anymore then you can say a zit on your face or say the color of your hair.
Truly it is in how you present yourself and how you view any short fall you may have. I am a spinal cord injury and spinal stenosis now that comes with age and maybe my old accident.
Has both things slowed me yes hampered my view of myself nope then again I also have age against me being over 50 and the answer is still no. I still meet people make friends, and have been called cute in bars and if you think it is hard up women wrong again they are women that know who and what they like or wish to know.
The question is not unlike any a young person would really have how to be attractive for others older that is not a question on the radar of most. It’s an issue with you and there is not a pat answer you will meet people that will see you as a person first any hardware as a second thought that comes with maturity usually.
So all in all has it hampered me my answer is no it has not I am out there in my community using what ever tool I must be it a chair a Segway or my cane and I’ve no chip on my shoulder thinks I got a raw deal in life but just become myself and some how people seem not to notice my gimps but talk to the person.
This is an extremely deep rooted issue with a lot people with "issues" out there. I congratulate you for bring it to light. This topic I think ranks right up there with people with SB {Spina Bifida which I have} and openly discussing all the little embarrassing tidbits that go along with the disability. The time frame in which I did most of my growing was during the 1980's. A time in which it was not ok to be out in public let alone get any feedback from society that was positive especially when it came down to appearance. Ergo I now have serious image problems. I have been married for 11 years and I still find myself doubting him when he says im attractive especially now I've had 2 babies and gained #$$%# amount of weight.I honestly think the disability has atleast 90% to do with the feelings of not being attractive. Up until high school I got ignored and picked on. In high school I had lots of guy friends but all were afraid of the disability and what it entailed, which made for no dating.
The guys I knew in high school were afraid of me because I carried a baseball bat! LOL, yes, I am joking.
Sherilyn, I agree that many of us think of our own disabilities as "unattractive." We are our own worst critics, it seems. I actually get embarrassed if I go out in shorts and my stump is uncovered (I usually keep it covered with a sock or a bandage, because the incision scars are still very fresh and have a certain "Icky" factor). I feel certain that people are going to say "Ewww!" and run away. And, if they don't, I just KNOW it's because they are trying to be polite. Actually, in a lot of cases, they don't even notice unless I draw attention to it by saying "Oh, I forgot to cover that up, sorry!" Most of them are looking at my bumper sticker instead of my stumper sticking out. It's amazing how many of us developed our own image and self-esteem issues back in the high school days, isn't it? Teenagers are a tough crowd, because we all want to be like everyone else when we are teenagers, and haven't yet realized that we ARE all unique, and we can celebrate out uniqueness instead of being embarrassed by it.
I am so glad to have a place where we can discuss stuff like this honestly among people who do understand what we go through. And, hey, your husband must think you're attractive, because he married you and had babies with you, right? Guys don't usually do that unless they find you attractive (okay, except in those "arranged marriage" things, but I am thinking maybe you and he chose each other, right?) So, if he thinks you're attractive, it's because you are!
hugs from ducky
Spinner, I am not saying I must hang with PWDs to be accepted. Most of my social life is with nondiabled, but I do enjoy my time with PWDs. Among folks who look like me I tend to be more forthright about what is going on with me. The easy banter about disability with PWDs releases the veil of caution one has with nondisabled.
Noisily,
Pop Gunn
the only thing that makes one unatractiveis the oh woe is me and ,feeling sorry for ones self I myself have suffered astroke , except fopr a few narly scars I'm often told thatI look good which makes me feel better, nothing works better than a nice warm smile weather it is from you or some one else please take care and have a wonderful day yours strokieaka mar
