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Posted on: Fri, Apr 18 2008 5:35 PM

Posted by: Carlos Posts: 24

There's something I've noticed amongst disabled that I don't get.

I've had other disabled people come up to me, we talk, and assume we're friends.  I try to find something in common with them and I don't.  They act like, "Well, we're both disabled.  We're friends."  And, when we don't 'click', they get pissed and say that we should be friends cause we're disabled.

Not all asians get along with each other.  Not all gay people get along with each other.  Not all people of a certain economic level get along with each other.  Why do some disabled assume we all get along?

Me, I don't base my friendships on disabilty.  If you're disabled, cool.  If not disabled, cool also.

Posted on: Fri, Apr 18 2008 6:59 PM

Posted by: bunnymay Posts: 256

to say that "they" get "pissed" because you don't want to be their buddy seems kinda egotistical to me, and frankly kinda elistist from your tone.  are you really that in demand from the disabled that this is such a major problem?  cause it seems to me that seeing another disabled person that accosts me in public is a pretty rare event.  maybe some of these ppl aren't as advanced socially as you are for reasons that are not necessarily their doing, and you should be a bit more tolerant of those that lack your social grace..  

 personally, I think all disabled ppl SHOULD acknowledge each other publicly, with a wave or nod.  shouldn't we encourage solidarity if we want to advance our collective causes in this world of ours?

  i don't think you have to be bff with every disabled person you meet, but cripes, don't hate on your own, life is hard enough already.  

Posted on: Fri, Apr 18 2008 7:04 PM

Posted by: Lieslmcq Posts: 2,303

I don't think Carlos was saying he was some disability magnet. Rather, he was lamenting the fact that people make assumptions about him based on his disability. I dunno, do you like it when people make assumptions about you because of your disability? I also don't think the disabled "should" acknowledge each other as a matter of course. It's nice and all, but why would we require people to acknowledge others based solely on their disability status? I mean, should all African Americans do the same?

Posted on: Fri, Apr 18 2008 7:10 PM

Posted by: TriDog Posts: 1,713

I can understand ya Carlos.  I can see the disability being a common factor and it can kick off a conversation...  "Can you believe there is not ramping here?"  "Ya, and how about that poor excuse for HP parking....Geesh!"

I'm usually a pretty good and quick judge of people. Yes, I judge people. I'll know in a few minutes if I want to hang out with you.    I was in Vegas for the marathon a few years ago.  I ran into this chick at a club after the race.  She was in a chair and not bad looking.  She started chatting me up.  I figured OK.  We chatted for a couple of minutes.  Didn't take too long for me to realize that she wasn't the kind of person I'd normally associate with.  She smoked (she actually reeked of it). She wasn't an athlete and I wanted to talk about the great race I just ran (I was hanging out with others that just ran it too).  Then she started talking about the drugs she does and she knew where to score.... STOP...   I just said, "Sorry. Your kinda cute and all but killing myself ain't my scene. I'm going back over with my friends."    She started give me grief about disabled people having to stick together, yadda, yadda, yadda....  I just ignored her and went back to my friends.  She started making a scene to the point that the manager had to ask her to leave.    

Posted on: Fri, Apr 18 2008 7:15 PM

Posted by: TriDog Posts: 1,713

Liesl:

I also don't think the disabled "should" acknowledge each other as a matter of course. It's nice and all, but why would we require people to acknowledge others based solely on their disability status? I mean, should all African Americans do the same?

I don't acknowledge any gimp I don't see at the secret meetings... 

You guys do go to the meetings?   Right?   

Posted on: Fri, Apr 18 2008 7:33 PM

Posted by: Carlos Posts: 24

Exactly!

I hate when some disabled assume what I know what they're going through.  I don't.  I'm not them.

I have a friend w/ CP who's a big guy.  He, recently, traveled to Chile.  He was explaining how he had problems with the aisle chair that was used to put him on the plane itself.  He asked me how I felt about this.  I told him I had no problems with it, since I know this is standard procedure with all U.S. airlines.  He seemed surprised by this.  I had to explain that, for me, it takes maybe 5 minutes to get transferred, wheeled to my seat, and in my assigned seat.  My friend understood, then, that his situation was not common.

Posted on: Fri, Apr 18 2008 7:42 PM

Posted by: Carlos Posts: 24

I hear ya, too.  Your 'drunk woman in the club' reminds me of someone I know.

At the club I go to, there's a guy w/ CP who's always there.  He gets to and from there by paratransit. And, each time he's there, he gets himself drunk.  (Why the club serves him alcohol at that point is beyond me.)  He's so drunk, he passes out in his power chair, head on the table.  By this point, people start asking ME to wake him up so he won't miss his ride.  Why should I, when I didn't come with him, nor got him drunk?  Their response is, "Well, he's your friend."  They assume he's my friend cause we're both in chairs.  Disabled or not, I don't hang out with drunks.  It's gotten to a point where I leave if I see him there.  I'm a fellow club patron, not his 'babysitter'.

Posted on: Fri, Apr 18 2008 7:45 PM

Posted by: Nightengale Posts: 665

I think this website - in fact this very thread - serve as perfect examples of how little people with disabilities can have in common sometimes.

I don't think PWD should be instant friends just as people of other minority groups do not need to be instant friends.  But I do wish  we banded together more for the common causes of accessibility, accommodations and awareness.  One step towards that might be acknowleding each other more in public - something that PWD are often reluctant to do just as non-disabled are often reluctant to mention our disabilities.  But I don't think we have any obligation to do this, just wish we did more often.