Last post Sun, Apr 27 2008 9:28 PM by Liesl. 78 replies.
There's something I've noticed amongst disabled that I don't get.
I've had other disabled people come up to me, we talk, and assume we're friends. I try to find something in common with them and I don't. They act like, "Well, we're both disabled. We're friends." And, when we don't 'click', they get pissed and say that we should be friends cause we're disabled.
Not all asians get along with each other. Not all gay people get along with each other. Not all people of a certain economic level get along with each other. Why do some disabled assume we all get along?
Me, I don't base my friendships on disabilty. If you're disabled, cool. If not disabled, cool also.
to say that "they" get "pissed" because you don't want to be their buddy seems kinda egotistical to me, and frankly kinda elistist from your tone. are you really that in demand from the disabled that this is such a major problem? cause it seems to me that seeing another disabled person that accosts me in public is a pretty rare event. maybe some of these ppl aren't as advanced socially as you are for reasons that are not necessarily their doing, and you should be a bit more tolerant of those that lack your social grace..
personally, I think all disabled ppl SHOULD acknowledge each other publicly, with a wave or nod. shouldn't we encourage solidarity if we want to advance our collective causes in this world of ours?
i don't think you have to be bff with every disabled person you meet, but cripes, don't hate on your own, life is hard enough already.
I don't think Carlos was saying he was some disability magnet. Rather, he was lamenting the fact that people make assumptions about him based on his disability. I dunno, do you like it when people make assumptions about you because of your disability? I also don't think the disabled "should" acknowledge each other as a matter of course. It's nice and all, but why would we require people to acknowledge others based solely on their disability status? I mean, should all African Americans do the same?
"Important events are obscure. Some believe all manner of hearsay evidence; others twist truth into fiction; and time magnifies both perversions."Tacitus
I can understand ya Carlos. I can see the disability being a common factor and it can kick off a conversation... "Can you believe there is not ramping here?" "Ya, and how about that poor excuse for HP parking....Geesh!"
I'm usually a pretty good and quick judge of people. Yes, I judge people. I'll know in a few minutes if I want to hang out with you. I was in Vegas for the marathon a few years ago. I ran into this chick at a club after the race. She was in a chair and not bad looking. She started chatting me up. I figured OK. We chatted for a couple of minutes. Didn't take too long for me to realize that she wasn't the kind of person I'd normally associate with. She smoked (she actually reeked of it). She wasn't an athlete and I wanted to talk about the great race I just ran (I was hanging out with others that just ran it too). Then she started talking about the drugs she does and she knew where to score.... STOP... I just said, "Sorry. Your kinda cute and all but killing myself ain't my scene. I'm going back over with my friends." She started give me grief about disabled people having to stick together, yadda, yadda, yadda.... I just ignored her and went back to my friends. She started making a scene to the point that the manager had to ask her to leave.
Liesl:I also don't think the disabled "should" acknowledge each other as a matter of course. It's nice and all, but why would we require people to acknowledge others based solely on their disability status? I mean, should all African Americans do the same?
I don't acknowledge any gimp I don't see at the secret meetings...
You guys do go to the meetings? Right?
Exactly!
I hate when some disabled assume what I know what they're going through. I don't. I'm not them.
I have a friend w/ CP who's a big guy. He, recently, traveled to Chile. He was explaining how he had problems with the aisle chair that was used to put him on the plane itself. He asked me how I felt about this. I told him I had no problems with it, since I know this is standard procedure with all U.S. airlines. He seemed surprised by this. I had to explain that, for me, it takes maybe 5 minutes to get transferred, wheeled to my seat, and in my assigned seat. My friend understood, then, that his situation was not common.
I hear ya, too. Your 'drunk woman in the club' reminds me of someone I know.
At the club I go to, there's a guy w/ CP who's always there. He gets to and from there by paratransit. And, each time he's there, he gets himself drunk. (Why the club serves him alcohol at that point is beyond me.) He's so drunk, he passes out in his power chair, head on the table. By this point, people start asking ME to wake him up so he won't miss his ride. Why should I, when I didn't come with him, nor got him drunk? Their response is, "Well, he's your friend." They assume he's my friend cause we're both in chairs. Disabled or not, I don't hang out with drunks. It's gotten to a point where I leave if I see him there. I'm a fellow club patron, not his 'babysitter'.
I think this website - in fact this very thread - serve as perfect examples of how little people with disabilities can have in common sometimes.
I don't think PWD should be instant friends just as people of other minority groups do not need to be instant friends. But I do wish we banded together more for the common causes of accessibility, accommodations and awareness. One step towards that might be acknowleding each other more in public - something that PWD are often reluctant to do just as non-disabled are often reluctant to mention our disabilities. But I don't think we have any obligation to do this, just wish we did more often.
carmitch: I hear ya, too. Your 'drunk woman in the club' reminds me of someone I know. At the club I go to, there's a guy w/ CP who's always there. He gets to and from there by paratransit. And, each time he's there, he gets himself drunk. (Why the club serves him alcohol at that point is beyond me.) He's so drunk, he passes out in his power chair, head on the table. By this point, people start asking ME to wake him up so he won't miss his ride. Why should I, when I didn't come with him, nor got him drunk? Their response is, "Well, he's your friend." They assume he's my friend cause we're both in chairs. Disabled or not, I don't hang out with drunks. It's gotten to a point where I leave if I see him there. I'm a fellow club patron, not his 'babysitter'.
Actaully, I'd mention to the management. They might ban him from the place.
Lol.
Well, the club has been busted for serving to drunk patrons already. The guy's time there is coming to an end. He's played the 'disability card' to be inappropriate with some there. (I'm keeping it vague to be clean on here.) None of the regular club's patrons like him anymore. Sadly, the guy blames it on anti-disabled attitudes, when, in fact, it's his fault.
carmitch:There's something I've noticed amongst disabled that I don't get.I've had other disabled people come up to me, we talk, and assume we're friends. I try to find something in common with them and I don't. They act like, "Well, we're both disabled. We're friends." And, when we don't 'click', they get pissed and say that we should be friends cause we're disabled.Not all asians get along with each other. Not all gay people get along with each other. Not all people of a certain economic level get along with each other. Why do some disabled assume we all get along?Me, I don't base my friendships on disabilty. If you're disabled, cool. If not disabled, cool also.
There's a difference between acquaintances - people we may see at work, school, stores, etc., who have something in common with us, and friends. To have the occasional conversation, 'hello, how's it going today?' with acquaintances is one thing, but I want to have more in common with those people who are my friends than just one or two things. That we both like the same genre of movies, or we're both into this or that, or that we're both disabled probably just isn't going to be enough to build and sustain a friendship on. But I'd love to say 'hello' when we pass each other in that common public area.
Nightengale wrote:
Sites such as Disaboom can be great in both of these areas (as well as many others, of course). Not only can they help in bringing us together in the common causes you've mentioned Nightengale, but sometimes people connecting on sites such as these also find out they actually do have more in common than just their disabilities, and our common causes. Sometimes we actually do make friends. :-)
I think people just like the feeling of belonging to a group. Before I was injured I rode motorcycles, It seemed everywhere I went I had someone wanting to talk to me about their bike they have or use to have. Even on the road there is a unwritten code to wave at other riders when passing. It is the same way with disabled but the only difference is I do not know anyone who choose this like I choose to ride motorcycles. Some people see that and some do not.
TriDog: I don't acknowledge any gimp I don't see at the secret meetings... You guys do go to the meetings? Right?
Waaaaaaaaaaaait, wait, wait... y'all have meetings? Is it because I can walk? is that why I am excluded?! Are there cookies? Do you have cookies, too??
BrokenDoNotUse:Sites such as Disaboom can be great in both of these areas (as well as many others, of course). Not only can they help in bringing us together in the common causes you've mentioned Nightengale, but sometimes people connecting on sites such as these also find out they actually do have more in common than just their disabilities, and our common causes. Sometimes we actually do make friends. :-)
They invite you to the meetings, don't they?? I knew it!
ArkanzanWheeler:It is the same way with disabled but the only difference is I do not know anyone who choose this like I choose to ride motorcycles. Some people see that and some do not.
It is the same way with disabled but the only difference is I do not know anyone who choose this like I choose to ride motorcycles. Some people see that and some do not.
Duuuuuuuuuuude,... I was searching for a type of sexual paraphilia today and ran across this: Apotemnophilia - This person is sexually aroused by having a part of their body amputated either by themselves or someone else. The memory of the amputation can serve to arouse them for years. It is the act of having an extremity amputated that is arousing; thus, they have to be awake during the process.
Eeeeeek!
