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I want to ask your advice on how I should do and methods I should use to become more socially involved and active in my community.  Recently, I have become reluctant to move forward because of almost chronic illnesses from bladder infections to pressure sores that have sidelined me for months on end during past years.

 

It seems just when I get something going, whether becoming involved in a support group, volunteer work or pursuing employment opportunities, my health fails and I am rendered to my bed to recover.  Sometimes, I'm almost afraid to try and consider giving up, knowing that in a few weeks or months my health will fail and what I began I would not finish be able to finish.

 

Sports are a no-go at C4-5, which is depressing because I played four of them in high school and college.  I really do not know anyone who is disabled and have a very small or nonexistent support network.  Occaisonally, going to a movie or to a restaurant is the extent of my social endevours.

 

Should I be satisfied or angry at my social progress?  Appreciate what I have and what I accomplished and not dwell on my failings?  What is your advice?

 

Am I rambling, I don't know, probably?

 

I don't expect pity.  But it's like when your struggling and you look over and wonder how that guy could afford that car, how did he or she get that job, and so on.

 

I'm prepared to take the wrath from those of you who say "get off your butt and do something". 

 

I got nothing to lose!!

 

It’s just, I do not want to assume anything.  I have failed more than I would like and want to keep trying but do not want to repeat the same mistakes, whether in actions or frame of mind.

 

As I get older, I worry about being socially isolated.  While I enjoy interactions with many of you on this website and others like this, I look forward to in-person relationships, face-to-face, going to movies or out to bars.

 

Well I want to ask you again, your advice, suggestions, experiences and even criticisms.

 

 

Dillion.  You got to hang in there and keep trying.  Once you've stop trying..., you're done.

 

If sports aren't you thing, what about other types of social clubs..  Example.  I'm a Jimmy Buffett fan.  Yes, a Parrothead.  There are thousands of Parrothead clubs around the world. What about fantasy baseball/football, etc,etc...  Tons of that going around. 

 

I belong to a scale model club.  No pressure involved here.  Some guys have 20 models going at one time. Some have one. Some have none. But come to club gathers to just socialize and pick up tips.  Where I used live, I hung out at this pub that had a softball team.  I could play in that league, but I coached third base. 

  

If there is something you enjoy, I bet there is a social club to go with it.   Most of them are on the web at your fingertips.   As the bible says.... "Go forth and socialize! "     That was the bible...wasn't it?

 

 

I understand your frustrations, but there is a whole world out there.   

 Your state should have a spinal cord commission you can get involed in.  If you know of a few other disable people, how about you start a group?  Someone has to be the first...  Sports are great, you might not be able to actually play them right now but who says that you can not go and support the local teams?  I play basketball and we have a whole group of fans that we can count on to come to all of the games and even some of the practices.  Look for volunteer things in your community, or go back to college.  It all depends on what you want to acomplish.  If you sit back trying to make up your mind or waiting for the perfect thing to do you might be missing out on something else fun.  I know some of the guys on here have the radio controlled cars they play with and race, model cars as suggested before is fun and I use to do that until I got busy.  That is the thing, no one says what ever you pick you have to stay with... You can drop it if you get bored.  I would suggest no spending too much on the hobby at first though.  Good Luck

 

 I like ArkanzanWheels' idea and I'll tell you why...  That's where I met my man.  He is a c-5 SCI who returned to school after raising his kids.  He is very involved in the network for disabled students and knows everybody on campus (no really - everyone). 

 

You did not say what age you were but in Arkansas here they have programs for older people to go back to college, I think the age here is 55 or 60 to go for free.  I know a guy that has taken just about all the classes available in the 2 year college I am going to right now.

Dillon:

It’s just, I do not want to assume anything.  I have failed more than I would like and want to keep trying but do not want to repeat the same mistakes, whether in actions or frame of mind.

 

 

There's a great quote, I think it's Thomas Edison - "I didn't fail. I found 10,000 ways that didn't work."

 

You just need to find what works for YOU. Any chance you can get your mits on a Wii? We've got one, and the sports games (boxing, tennis, bowling) will just totally blow you away. My arms were KILLING me after the boxing. You really do get a work out. A lot of rehab centers are starting to use them now. My son loves it (and he's a w/c athlete, but he's a para, not a quad). Also see if you can get into some sort of therapeutic aquatic exercise program at a local Y. If the price is a factor, apply for a discounted/free membership. (They have those.) That will help you build up your muscles and keep you from losing any tone, but it won't be hard on you. And any activity you can do that keeps you moving WILL help with other aspects of your life.

 

As far as getting out, you've received some great suggestions.

 

State of mind - only you can change that. Depending on your beliefs, I highly recommend reading "The Secret." (They also have a dvd and a website.) It's about the law of attraction. I've always been "lucky" in many ways, but when I read this and kept an open mind (no, I'm NOT a flakey person either, seriously) I have seen improvements in my life.

 

BUT, all changes start within you. You have to make the decision to take that first step (haha) and move forward. It can be a baby step, but only you can take it. Don't try to make HUGE changes, you'll crash and burn. You can do anything for 15 minutes, as Flylady likes to say. If you can't, then try 5 minutes. Whether that's doing deep breathing excercises and moving your arms around or lifting light weights or whatever. ANYTHING you can do for yourself like that, it's benefitting you. You might not see how 5 minutes a day can help, but if you compound those 5 minutes over an entire year, that's a LOT of hours! 

 

Make sure you're eating healthy, too.

 

I'm not going to criticize you, because that's like you're asking for an excuse for us to belittle you so you can pity yourself and stay in your hole. However, you do need to decide that today is the day you take a positive step forward for yourself.

 

You can visit Flylady's site at www.flylady.net  and even if you can't/don't need house cleaning help, keep an open mind. What she teaches is WAY more than decluttering. At it's basic level, she's teaching (for free, mind you) how to completely restructure your life, teach yourself new, healthier habits, all with GENTLE behavior modification. You set and learn to keep routines.

 

Listen to what I say. I'm NOT saying look at the house routines as house routines. If she says, "Put on your shoes," and your new habit needs to be, "Brush my teeth in the morning," then brush your teeth. Look at the METHOD she teaches and apply it to your life. You can use her methods for anything from decluttering to weight loss to excercise to work habits -- modify them for YOU.

 

Good luck! 

 HI DILLON . I AM A PARA AND UNDER STAND WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM. IT NOT ALWAYS EASY , IF YOU CARE TO CHAT  , GIVE ME A  HEYYYYYYYY    RAINEY

Dillon, Whats going on man? A year and 4ish months ago i had my SCI which resulted in a C3-C4 contusion. Due to my increase in my bicept strength i am no considered C5. So id say were in a similar boat. I played sports all my life too, of course they provided 'murderball' when was in rehab which immediately i wanted to play. However being a C5 still leaves you quite limited mobility wise, lets just say im not too fast in a manual chair. Ive found myself in a similar apathetic state. My friends aren't around as much as id like and some days i wont want to get up. You just gotta do it man. Im also getting farther along in my injury coming closer to that 2 year mark. Im at the point where im not sure if believing i can still recover is being hopeful or if im in denial. Its not easy at all and i know what your going through. I agree with others that school is a great idea. Im close to ending my first semester back at school and it was really helpful to get back somewhere i could be more sociable. And like someone else brought up it is all in your mindset. For a while I was looking at myself as inferior to everyone else. The injury brought on this shy/timid reclusiveness that i couldnt shake for so long. I wouldnt even want to eat out because of the assistance i would need. About your social concerns, people are going to judge you instantly upon seeing you and people are going to stare. This isnt bad though. If im parked next to a friend on a bench that cute blondes gonna look at dude in chair before dude on legs. There are small perks you just gotta find them. You shouldnt ask others if you should be dissatisfied with your social life, if your dissatisfied then you are and it falls on you to make it better. YOU ARE YOUR NUMBER ONE ACTIVIST!!!!!!!! You say you want to go out to the bar and meet people face-to-face, whats stopping you? You have the right togo to the bar. You have the right to be parked in peoples ways. You have the right to flirt with the girl at the end of the bar. Before your social life takes off, before people are gonna be calling you waiting to spend time with you, first you need to know you are worthy of these things...AND YOU ARE!!! Im sorry that went all over the map haha. I hope some of my rambling helped. Stay up brother, id love to talk sometime. Jonathan C5 Quad