Welcome to Discussions

 sounds like dad needs more help then you do ! at some point in life we all become disabled one way or another !            rainey 

Tickmeister:

 

  

 Does anyone have advice on how to make people, particularly family understand I am disabled and not a 'slacker'? 

It is beyond me how any rational person could label someone like you, who held a job for 15 years in spite of numerous chronic health problems, a "slacker." Most people would have given up long ago.

I may be wrong, but it sounds like your father has a very sore spot where you're concerned.

Do you think that he somehow thinks it's a bad reflection on him because you're not Rambo?
On the practical side, since you need income(Who doesn't?) and you want to earn it(hardly the symptom of a "slacker"), I wonder if there's something you could do entirely from a computer terminal, possibly even at home. You might require some specialized training, but you seem like you could handle that fine.

This website might give you some ideas about your options:

www.disabilityinfo.gov

There's no shame in being disabled, as long as you don't just lie down and quit, and you clearly haven't done that.

If I, a complete stranger, can see that, but your family doesn't, it's most likely that they don't want to, for some reason. I know it's hard when you don't get emotional support from your own family, but that's their failure, not yours. If I were you, I wouldn't expect much from them. You're a survivor; don't ever lose sight of that reality.

I wish you the very best.

Please keep us posted.

carla N.

RainbowJo2007:

My dad is a very judgmental person who thinks that because I have CP I can't work.  I have been told my whole life that I need to be on SSI I have been applying for nine years and still haven't been approved.  I know one reason is because I have a colege degree.  I am a pretty smart person but I don't think my dad will ever realize that.

Why are you applying for SSI?  You said yourself, you have a college degree and a pretty smart person.  Are you going to or at least looking for work?  You did get the degree to assist with employment. Right?

I'm not being mean. Just trying to better understand your situation.

SOUNDS LIKE YOUR DAD IS THE ONE WHO IS  DISABALED FOR NOT UNDERSTANDING HE NEEDS TO CLOSE HIS MOUTH AND OPEN HIS HEART.  ALL  YOU CAN DO IS PUT YOUR FAITH IN GOD DONT LOOK AT YOUR DISABILLITIES AS BEING GODS PUNCHING BAG BECAUSE GOD LOVES YOU AND HAS A PURPOSE FOR YOU THAT IS WHY HE DIED FOR US. IF YOU TURN TO GOD AND TRUST HIM HE WILL TELL YOU THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION AND REMIND YOU THAT HE DOES LOVE YOU AND DOES BELEIVE YOU WHEN EVEN NOBODY ELSE DOES EVEN YOUR OWN FAMILLY.

 

                                            GOD BLESS YOU

 

JEFF2101:

SOUNDS LIKE YOUR DAD IS THE ONE WHO IS  DISABALED FOR NOT UNDERSTANDING HE NEEDS TO CLOSE HIS MOUTH AND OPEN HIS HEART.  ALL  YOU CAN DO IS PUT YOUR FAITH IN GOD DONT LOOK AT YOUR DISABILLITIES AS BEING GODS PUNCHING BAG BECAUSE GOD LOVES YOU AND HAS A PURPOSE FOR YOU THAT IS WHY HE DIED FOR US. IF YOU TURN TO GOD AND TRUST HIM HE WILL TELL YOU THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION AND REMIND YOU THAT HE DOES LOVE YOU AND DOES BELEIVE YOU WHEN EVEN NOBODY ELSE DOES EVEN YOUR OWN FAMILLY.

Pretty good advice Jeff, But I would say to have faith in himself and his abilities.

But that's my opinion. 

I would also like to encourage you to continue to look for work that is appropriate, as have others, and learn that your Father has some VERY BIG problems of his own.  I wrote a blog on this subject, wherein I discussed how difficult it can be for family members to accept disability within their own nest.  The fear of seeing someone they love hurting, the guilt they may feel for somehow being responsible, the discomfort they may feel that they will end up becoming financially responsible and/or caring for the person, their own insecurity about how this reflects on their own self-image--all these can play a part.

 

I am not so sure that talking things over with your Father will help, although it can't really hurt.  The thing is, don't put your own self worth into his valuation of you or your efforts, move on, and let him deal with it.  He will or he won't.  Eventually, he will or will not realize that it is his loss regarding the intimacy he could be sharing with his son.

 

Value yourself by your own standards, look, as others have said, to God for the love you seek, and go on with your life.  You are very courageous--just keep at it.  My very warmest wishes.  Bonnie

I agree with everyone who says it's your dad's problem, not yours. Unfortunately, you won't change his mind. It's time for you to live for yourself and not waste precious time or energy on him. Keep contact with your step-mom if you wish, but you can't force your father to change his mind or his ways. He sounds like a very small-minded person.

 

Can you find any support groups in your local area for lightning strike survivors? I agree with you (although I don't know the statistics) that more lightning strike victims survive than die. Here in FL, it's the lightning strike capital of the world and during the summer, it's not uncommon to hear news stories once a week or more of people getting hit and surviving.

 

Good luck. 

It definitely seems like a difficult task to get your father to be more understanding and I know it's easier said than done to just "forget about what he thinks"....it matters what our parents think no matter what age we are-that's not a sign of immaturity but just the degree we value our families.

At the same time, you do have to look at your role in this situation that might be making it worse...you mentioned a few things that you haven't been honest with your dad about. You gave good reasons (like he might not believe you or had told you not to do it) but the fact remains that you could bring a little more honesty to the relationship and it may or may not help.....Given his past reactions we can't expect too much but at least you could feel like he had all the information that you have about your conditions/injuries. It's not good for any relationship to be built on a foundation of lies....but I do totally get why it's not the easiest thing to tell him the truth!

 

Just a thought!  Good luck-this is a really hard situation and I wish you the best.