Last post Fri, May 02 2008 11:08 PM by Becky. 18 replies.
Some of these recent posts got me thinking about when I was in a wheelchair. I remember running into friends when I was out and about. We would start talking and then before you know it, they end up looking straight ahead, not down to you ever, and only talking to the AB people you are with, like you aren't even there. I felt like yelling to them, hey, I'm down here too, include me in on the conversation! I did have a few people continue to talk with me too, but I can't tell you how many times that happened to me. Has anyone else experienced this?
Oh, yeah, and much more. Many friends just stopped calling altogether, unless they wanted money. I've had people I knew for many years just say "hi" and walk past me as well. It hurts. A lot. <laugh> I did manage to make a friend who calls frequently... but she tells me elaborate stories involving movie stars and TV attorneys who are stalking her. But as my caregiver tells me, she's great entertainment value. I've known her for about four years now and she's harmless, but what a joy it would be to have a friend who talks about real things!
It's funny; I navigated to Disaboom with the intent of starting a thread on the subject: If you're in a wheelchair, do you feel conspicuous, or invisible?"
But this thread covers the "invisible" end of the spectrum pretty well, it looks like.
People don't really ignore me in my wheelchair, generally speaking.
There are a few, mercifully very few, people who will address an able-bodied person accompanying me, instead of talking directly to me. This phenomenon can take many different forms.The first time I had lunch with a certain able-bodied friend for the first time after my stroke, she asked me as soon as I got to the table, "What do you want to eat?"Thinking maybe that she was trying to figure out what *she* wanted to order, I replied, "Oh, probably bean and cheese nachos."A few moments later, a waitress approached our table, probably to see if we were ready to order yet.
Before the waitress could open her mouth, my friend blurted, with a gesture toward me,"I'm not ready yet, but she wants bean and cheese nachos!""No, I don't; I've changed my mind!" I retorted, partly because I was irritated by the assumption that I couldn't speak for myself, and partly because I had changed my mind.This sort of thing happens to me mercifully rarely. What I notice more often is a strange tendency of able-bodied people to talk to my back. Almost every Sunday at church, when I'm rolling along the sidewalk, I'll hear a voice call from several feet behind me, "Good morning, Carla!" Since I've only been a member of this church for a couple of years, and can't generally recognize people by their voices, I just cheerfully wave my hand and call, "Good morning, whoever said that!"On a few occasions, while sitting at a table, I've had someone not realize that I'm wheelchair-bound, and that can get pretty comical. Once, I was even flirted with by several men who were undoubtedly young enough, theoretically, to be my sons.
I always wished I could have seen their faces if/when they realized they'd been flirting with an old lady in a wheelchair!Oh, well; I take my thrills however I can get them these days ...Carla N.
Hey Carla! Sorry I took your post question. Only partly though. You should ask it in a week or so, because I like your question better than mine! I did feel conspicuous at times, especially when people were staring. I will write about my most conspicuous moment, when you post your question.
I usually get ignored by the people at the front of stores asking about applying for credit cards. They must think I have no money. But, I can never sneak by those annoying guys in the malls that want you to try their lotion, or nail buffer, or whatever they are trying to sell.
--Michelle
Just thought of another.... in WalMart. It's like cattle coming out of the chute when you get past the greeter and I'm wheeling slowly to avoid running over toes, but they are crowding beside me and past...what worries me the most is someone in the back will see an empty space (where I am) and try to buffalo through the throng to take the "space", only to find me there cowering in my chair.
My husband has Cerebral Palsy. He uses a wheelchair and is legally blind.
I'm sure there have been more than a few times that he's been ignored, but I can only think of one right now.
He was at a restraunt with some other friends of our who are also visually impaired. This was a JB's type place, where you go up to the register to pay after you've eaten. Well, he went up to the register, and the person behind the register didn't even say anything or acknowledge him at all. This went on for about 5 minutes. One of our friends saw this.... let me put it this way, you don't want to mess with her... she went & got a manager and had him stand there and watch this. Let's just say, my husband finally got the help he needed...
NEVER HAD A PROMLEM HERE ! IF I FEEL I AM NOT SEEN I WILL BE HEARD ~~~~~~~RAINEY
rainey826: NEVER HAD A PROMLEM HERE ! IF I FEEL I AM NOT SEEN I WILL BE HEARD ~~~~~~~RAINEY
Good attitude Rainey! That's the way to be. I should have been more assertive and said, "Hey, don't forget me down here!" LOL
Becky
There just doesn't seem to be an in between, does there? People either ignore you or go overboard letting you know they are down with disability. Weird, isn't it?
"It's not just about Obama is a young black man, and McCain is an old white guy."Shelley!
You are only as invisible as you want to be-"the squeaky wheel gets the grease"!
Stay Strong
Vinny
Yes, but that's probally apt to use the crutches. Oh wait... not so much now that I have the lighted castor wheels (not trying to sound snobby here) Kids are really attacted to them which is good because I work with them.
I use crutches most of the time and wheelchair sometimes. I find people are much more friendly and open to me since these events occurred
Joe
It happens sometimes......then there are the ones who ignore you when you say "excuse Me" and try to get by them......I only say it once........then i run into them gently.........if that doesn't get them to move i get more aggresive and usually run into their Achilles Tendon......that gets their attention!!
