Last post Wed, Jul 30 2008 1:05 PM by Norma Carroll. 13 replies.
It seems I always had people making promises to me and always either waffling or flaking out on me for some reason and not keep their commitments they make...How do you stop having people who make promises which they never seem to keep? Should you continue to relay on them in doing anything? Or trust no one any longer in doing anything?
Boy Peter, I don't know the answer to that one. I know how you feel though. It's hard to understand that behavior. I guess you take everything with a grain of salt and don't count on anyone but yourself. It would help to know the specifics here. I'm not trying to be nosy, but just want to help. Hang in there.
Becky
Also, without knowing the history or specifics you may be addressing.... I would answer from the "Mom" within me - sharing my Mother's loving wisdom that I passed to my sons long ago when they too were heartbroken by unkept promises and unmet expectations.
People invariably get caught up being 'nice', or maybe feel cornered and exceed their abilities. Try not to hold a grudge. It only wears you down and alienates you from friends and family. We're all human and fallible. Try to regard a broken promise as a good intent toward kindness 'gone astray'.... and let it go from whence it came.
This sort of heartbreak happens to all of us at some point. Therefore, most would agree with Becky... learn not to count on anyone, but yourself. Be careful to not compel others to make promises... and likewise take extra care to not make promises you may be unable to keep. .
And keep in mind that a plan is not the same as a promise. Therefore, it only makes sense to protect oneself, and never build your calendar or hopes around someone else's intent... and always be willing to adjust your plans accordingly.
You are the keeper of your own most cherished and reliable intent and plan. Therefore, if you are your own best friend and supporter - no one can ever take that away from you. xx0x0xx
Like the old saying goes - "Don't count on anything, and you won't be disappointed." Be well, be true, and be good to yourself... others will join you. <cyber-hugs>
All my best,
Olivette
I can't give better advice than Olivette's, but I want you to know that many of us have shared your experience and it is hard. Stay strong, and please let us know how you are doing. Warm regards, Bonnie
If give people the benefit of the doubt a couple times, especially if they have been a close friend of mine. However, my friends also need to be reliable and if I cannot rely on them, than I don't consider them a close friend. Also, try talking to them about it as they might not fully realize how their actions are directly affecting you.
I've taught my kids that their reputation is gold. Once it's damaged, they're done for. I've told them never to make promises they can't keep. That's a tough one, but it's timeless advice.
I would rather have someone tell me "no, they can't," or "they don't have time," than have them tell me something they can't live up to.
However, people are fallible and they make mistakes. So do I. I guess you give them as many chances as you feel comfortable with, then write them off. You're the only one who can really determine how far you can trust them after they let you down.
Most of my "friends" do not call me or come around any more since my strokes. I can't even count on family for help. I was always a man of my word,and went out of my way to help and do the right thing before I got sick. Now the only one I can count on is me.
I HAVE FOUND SINCE I AM DIFFERENT NOW PEOPLE SEEM TO THINK IT IS OK TO SAY THEY WILL DO SOMETHING BUT THEN "FORGET". I HAVE MADE A NEW GROUP OF FRIENDS WHO ALL HAVE SOME DISABILITY OF THEIR OWN. I KNOW I CAN COUNT ON THEM BECAUSE THEY KNOW THEY CAN COUNT ON ME. GOOD LUCK AND I HOPE WHATEVER YOUR SITUATION YOU FIND AT LEAST ONE RELIABLE FRIEND.
Thanks everyone for sharing your insights.
I was speaking of business deals with other businesses, who dont follow through with agreements they made, like selling my groups candy to raise money for our cause. I guess you can say the same thing in regards to interpersonal relationships. Like I said before in other threads, if a woman flakes out on me in meeting with me for coffee for a first meeting, by not showing up, or not bothering in calling me to cancel before I go to meet her at the coffee shop and spend about $2 bucks for coffee all I did was blown $2 bucks on coffee and a no show, I just take her off my list of prospects nothing more.
Business and personal relationships share commanlities. You need to be able to trust both and if not, the relationship will suffer as a result. Best wishes.
brucec3: Most of my "friends" do not call me or come around any more since my strokes. I can't even count on family for help. I was always a man of my word,and went out of my way to help and do the right thing before I got sick. Now the only one I can count on is me.
I have to say that Bruce said it for me as well. One "friend" even said "I don't know how to talk to you anymore" and that told me they didn't know how to get past the wheelchairs or my obvious imparements. It saddens me. I was a pretty well-known local materials artist here and now the only time the phone rings is to confirm doctors appointments.
i would come and visit bruce if i could.
