Last post Fri, Mar 14 2008 8:45 PM by jenna. 12 replies.
I am a 12 year old girl with arthritis... I always get teased/made fun of at school. I need advice... How do i stop the tears each night?
I'm 31 and have cerebral palsy, although when I was 12 we didn't know that was what I had. We just knew I was very clumsy and didn't write well. And I got made fun of every day for years and years.
Things I found that made it better -
Going home where it was safe and reading or playing myself where I knew no one could hurt me.
Joining groups for things like drama or science. When the other kids liked the same things I did, they didn't tease me so much.
Knowing that people who tease kids who are different are just not being nice and that I can be a better person than that. And then looking for younger kids who might need someone to be extra nice to them.
Usually people who tease grow out of it, but it can be very long and hard while you are waiting for that.
Nightengale gave some really good advice. I'm 27 now but was born with my disability so I know it can be rough-especially at your age. Have you ever tried writing how you feel in a journal? Or drawing? It can be a good way to get your feelings out and hopefully feel better.
What kinds of things do you like to do? What's something you are good at?
If you have any best friends at school, lean on them! Friends are good at making you feel good about yourself and helping to defend you when people are mean. I was always blessed with really good friends when I was in school.
This isn't the most clever comback in history, but the next time someone says something mean say "I may walk funny (or whatever it is about you they make fun of) but at least I don't go around making babies cry cause I'm so ugly like you do."
Or better yet, the next time they say something mean, say "So?" and give them a look that says that was the stupidest thing on the planet they could have said - because it is. You could add to that by rolling your eyes and walking away. Most kids make fun of people who are different because it makes them feel good about themselves but if you make them feel stupid for saying anything, eventually they will stop doing it.
Sometimes we pay too much attention to other people's actions. When we are young we don't understand other peoples pain, it could be that maybe parents are not teaching their kids the right values or it's just that young people are like that. Whatever the case may be I think you should feel lucky because you are not like them, you know that you should be compationate and nice to people with certain issues. This experience it's going to help you grow and understand that this may be a way to really know who likes u because of who you are. Sometimes bad experiences only make's us stronger. Don't pay mind to those kids, I know that it sounds easy but trust me you will become a better person just because their comments or their actions are not important. At the end of the day they forget about you and they go on with their lives, you should do the same. At night just look at the sky and thank god because you are in this world that has more good in it that we may think, I'm sure you have a lot of people that love you and care about you. You are not alone be happy and don't mind about the little things. God bless u!
KTG: People are ignorant & cruel, and especially so with kids. You're at the age where other kids enjoy humiliating eachother, 'cuz it makes them feel better about themselves. They have their issues going on, too....they just don't let anyone else see them...they do!! Maybe, the very kids that make fun of you are bedwetters, or have alcoholic parents....ya just don't know. Your issues are obvious, so they pick at you......doesn't make it OK, but that's why they do it....'cuz they can!!!
You gotta get thick skinned....let those idiots make their moronic comments....if you don't acknowledge the comments, they'll get tired of YOU not responding to them....it'll stop. Don't give them control by screaming at them to stop it, or having a snappy comeback. They live for that crap. Ignore them.
Don't cry about it, babe.....I understand how frustrating it is, but I sure wouldn't allow them to control my emotions, and when you cry...you're giving them control....take it backl!! You just have to shine it on and keep on going...
Deb
As a guy who is way older than 12, just ignore people who don't understand you. I know that's hard at your age, but you'll find that, although adults can be idiots too, things change as you get older. Those people are growing up ignorant. You have the knowledge to know that you are special and you are important to a lot of people and to God. He made you the way you are, and even though it's hard to understand why, he thinks you are perfect the way you are. I think so too.
I use a wheelchair and have learned to find the advantages in that. Let people stare and say what they want. Sure I wish I was "normal" but I wouldn't be me if I were.
Scooby
KTG:
Girls are very cruel at your age. I'm 48 years old and even though its been a very long time since I was your age I remember how I felt about myself back then. I also have a son that is 18 years old and I watched his friends - girls and boys go through what you are going through as they were growing up.
Your arthritis doesn't define who you are, right? If you want to stop your tears you keep telling yourself that these people and their mean comments mean nothing to you, because sweetheart, they don't. In the true coarse of life you will look back at this point in your life someday and realize that these people are nothing more than a bunch of ignorant cruel teens that will grow up spoiled and have problems their whole life. You are special. You have a deep soul, and a bright smile. Don't forget that, ever. You will grow up strong and enabled from your health issue. You will be a human being with depth, caring, and compassion that will go on to do great things. They will grow up with negativity and constantly have bad things happen to them, because the universal law of Karma will get them. It always does.
Smile, love, you are a special. If I had to choose between having a disability or being cruel to others I'd choose having the disability. I would never want to be mean to someone that does not deserve it!
Love you!
Ok you can take all of the advise given so far or you can do something similar to what I did. with the help of your teacher. I enlarged posters of what my illness was. the type of pain it caused. how many other kids were affected. how many in 100 1000 10000 etc get it. paint a good mental picture of this. i found after that class more kids asked me questions. many became nicer i made a few really good friends. obviously you are going to get stupid morons in the class room just delight yourself in the thought that they will end up working in some dead end job their lives never changing. you are better than that. so pick yourself up and brush yourself off and have a plan b c and d. my own daughter now 13 is perfect, beautiful. she crys herself to sleep often. because even though she is not disabled in any way she likes a boy that likes her best friend. another friend likes another boy she had her sight set on. so life is not perfect for any of us but its how you decide you want to live it. because of attitude i dated the best looking most popular boys in school. i had no use of my left arm the hand was curled under. both of my feet were curled making it difficult for me to walk. so i learnt to use my mind. good luck. life is what you make of it and you only get one chance to have a good one so dont let any idiot breath the same air space you do.
Look them square in the face and ask, "Why are you being mean to me?" and wait for them to respond. Sometimes people don't even know what they are doing and it will give them pause for thought.
Kids your age are very cruel and it gets only a little better as you get older. Sorry.
Send me a self adressed stamp envelope to Bonny Morano - 8825 Highsmith Lane - san Diego, CA 921119 and I iwll send you information on a drink I take that is natural and from fruits that helps your pain. My brother suffered with arthritis and I only wish he had this then . I am a teacahers aid at a school and when children are teasing you sometimes it is because they really do not understand. Maybe you could talk to one of your teachers and have time when you could share what you go througha nd what it is like for you - maybe even have your doctor comes and speak . Many children who tease do so beause they are ignorant and need to be educated about your situation. I wish you the best --- but do not allow the teasing to go on - talk to your shcool counselor, school nurse. parents etc.... you do not need to suffer in this way. It is not right ---- Bonny Morano
Hi KTG;
I was diagnosed at 4 years old with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. By the time I was 12, your age, the arthritis had done so much damage. At ages 17-21 I underwent bi-latteral hip and knee replacements.
I can truly remember the hurt and pain I cam home with on a daily basis from school. One incident in particular that stays in my memory was when the mother of a girl I went to school with in 5th grade would not allow the girl to have a play date. She told my mother that she did not want her daughter "catching" my illness. Even though my mother tried to explain that this was not possible, the mother of the girl refused. My mother set up a time with my teacher and came to my classromm, with my doctor and educated the children on my condition. I made more friends after that, including that girl I speak of above, and most others were more empathetic to my situation.
This time will pass for you and it will also make you a very strong person. Most children and parents are completely unaware of what you are going through. They are unintentionally ignorant. I would recommend with the help of your teacher, the principal of your school and your mother and maybe even your doctor to make a time where you could tell the students in your grade about your condition. Once you make people aware, I can almost guarantee that things will change for you.
I am now almost 40 years old with an 8 year old son and a wonderful husband. I am an extremely strong individual now from my experiences. I have lead a full and wonderful life. I hope one day you can put all this behind you and move forward.
One other recommendation I have that will hopefully make you feel better: There is a product called Tahitian Noni made by a company called Noni Juice made Tahitian Noni International. www.tahitiannoni.com. I started taking this 2 years ago and have seen a huge difference in my mobility and the way I feel. It gives me a lot of energy as well. There are a lot of nock offs of this product, however Tahitian Noni is the only company that DOES NOT dry the Noni Fruit before making it a juice. Drying the fruit removes all the benefits from it. The I take this along with products called Body Balance, a liquid vitamin, Flexeo Plus (a liquid glucosamine, MSM and Ipriflavone supplement that supports joint flexability and healthy cartilage, and OsteoProCare (a liquid calcium and magnesium supplement with Glucosomine and Chondroitin) all by Life Force International. www.lifeforce.net. I wish I had known about these products when I was your age. Arthritis does a lot of damage over time and most of us end up with brittle bones, low bone density, problems with cartilage, and a lot of pain and disfiguration. Prescriptions are great and can be a big benefit, but don't stop there. Look at all your options and keep them open. I am not one for holistic methods, however I can tell you that these products have provided me with excellent results and are all natural.
